£3 million liquid net worth at 28, depressed and unable to relate to anyone

[YourHangryMentor]

I am sorry in advance if this sounds insensitive given how some are struggling but I don't know where else to post. I'm at £3 mil liquid now (mainly own business started at 20, if I sold this it would be a considerably higher number) and don't know what the hell I am doing with my life anymore.

Split from DP a few months ago, don't work anymore (I used to work as a medical doctor), spent christmas alone other than a visit to brother. It's almost like life is too easy now and there's no reason to get out of bed anymore, I have little passion for anything and I've still got another 60 years of this to go. When I was younger I was an extremely driven person but now I'm just a shadow of that.

My childhood wasn't bad enough for me to be taken into care but it was terrible and I don't see them anymore. I'm only close to my brother who has always had mental health issues but they have worsened significantly since he was signed off with "fibromyalgia" and does nothing all day.

I want DC but am still in shock from my ex-leaving, it was related to money even though I never criticised/cared about his income at all (consultant dr so not low at all) he kept being insecure and making issues whenever I wanted to do anything expensive and pay for him. I am lucky to have close friends who don't care but have had plenty of nasty/catty responses from random people for no reason whatsoever.

I don't really know where I'm going but I just feel so lost. Wondering if there's anyone here who went through the same thing? Merry christmas.

Merry Christmas. You sound a bit like me, only I'm not rich. I can't get a job at the moment. Every day I just think what's the point in even getting out of bed. I barely socialize. I've started writing. It always gets rejected, but it gives me purpose and an outlet. Have you a skill you want to develop ? What about working again ?

I think you need to look at going back to work. Your financial situation means you could afford to retrain in anything you wanted to explore. What would fulfil you and give you purpose again?

Why don’t you get a volunteer job if a salary isn’t critical?

I am sorry about that. I do get out regularly.

I could start working as a doctor again but there is so much BS in the NHS it will push me over the edge and I'll walk out. Got a few hobbies I enjoy but I fear nothing will come close to making money for the first time.

Time to start investing in yourself by way of therapy to work out what brings you happiness . A past of trauma has put you in fight or flight and you’ve had to graft to look after yourself . Who are you and what motivates you once that survival instinct is gone . You will find her , just need a bit of coaching form someone experienced 😊 this time next year could be brilliant ! Be so proud of yourself.

Sounds like you might be depressed? Maybe speak to your doctor?
Perhaps you need more human connection? Volunteer, work, try different things until you find something you get excited about. Whatever your business is, extend into the charity sector?

Also I’d consider freezing eggs as you can afford it . You want all options available when the time is right . Could you consider having DC alone if you felt that would bring you a sense of purpose . You can afford help and support.

What about a complete change of direction? You could afford to do something low paid but fulfilling - working with animals, say, or teaching, or in the charity sector.

I don't know. I think I would have enjoyed being a doctor more than anything else but there is so much shite associated it I couldn't do it any longer. My real passion has always been business/finance but now I've actually done well I just don't care as much anymore. I can't think of anything else I'd like to do.

I think you are right but I just can't think of anything.

Have you ever read about the 600 mice experiment? Essentially the researcher built a perfect environment for mice, enough food and space, warm, dry, a mouse utopia

Every time he ran the experiment the mice bred until they got to 600 and then gave up and died out. In the end they realised what was happening - they had no purpose in life anymore.

Travel, built a philanthropic company, reinvent yourself as a whole new person.

Fuck the boyfriend off, insecure prick

Did you feel better when you were starting/building the business?

If so, I think that you should consider selling it and then building and growing a charity, using all of the same skills you used to build the business but with the aim of doing the most good in an area which you care about using your seed money..

Keep enough money for yourself outside the charity that you live a nice life, with some extra in the bank for a rainy day.

crazy one, but have you considered doing a PhD? You are obviously smart and if you find a good lab then discovering new stuff that no one in the world knows has its own buzz.

also, 3million is great but not enough to retire and never work again unless you are going to be v frugal. So a job would be good for both your mental health and future finances.

People need purpose. While many don’t enjoy work, there is a lot to be said for needing to get up and be somewhere everyday.

Therapy has been suggested and it sounds like that would be a good start.

I’ll never be rich, I lack motivation or the skills to make a lot of money. However, I found solace in only being around lovely people as an adult after an awful childhood.

You can do better though - you don’t have to have peaked at 28. You say business/finance is your passion - so do it.

How long did you work as a doc, if you’re only 28?

I think you’ve posted before? Or there’s another depressed millionaire 20 something child free mumsnetter hanging around.

Essentially, do what you want. ‘Want’ being the key word. Nothing is forever, try stuff.

I really agree with this. A year isn't long enough to compensate for a deeply shitty childhood, but you'd definitely be feeling changes by then. You can afford high-quality therapy and, by the sound of things, have the right contacts to find out who the strongest practitioners are.

You have an amazing skill set and an ability to use it without needing to be involved with the NHS crap. Why not look at for example volunteering with an organisation like Medicine Sans Frontiers? Or even set up an impact programme in an area of the world to improve access to medical care for a specific population or condition?

I have been seeing a therapist for a few years now and it has been life changing but at the same time I think I've come to terms with the fact my brain hasn't developed normally after going through too much. The fight/flight thing is exactly what happened, I suspect I've always been lazy naturally but the conditions pushed me to excel.

Thankyou that is really kind. I am a lot happier than I used to be :)

What about starting a charity or foundation in a field related to your medical background? It might give you a toe in your old field without the NHS drama and you might find it worthwhile to do something philanthropic.

Well done for being honest about your feelings. Lots of us dream about winning millions, but actually I think lots of people would feel the same as you.

I also agree with the pp about having children alone if that is important to you. You could buy in housekeeper / nanny / night nanny for support in the absence of a DP.

I hope you are able to find something you enjoy and gives you purpose. Merry christmas! 🎄

I think you should help people.

OP, have you thought about donating your time, money, and medical skills to something like Medecins Sans Frontieres? I’m aware it’s not for everyone, but you sound like you need a focus. If not that, perhaps volunteering for the board of a medical charity, and lending them your expertise, whatever your specialty is.

I would also really recommend counseling. It sounds like there’s still trauma from your childhood and that has nothing to do with money - you can be a billionaire and still need help and support to deal with these kinds of issues.

They say that working on yourself is the best way to meet someone else - in your pursuit of becoming more fulfilled and emotionally healthy, you may find opportunities to make the kind of intimate friends you would spend Christmas with or even meet someone romantically, if you’re interested in that.

Very, very best of luck, OP. I have learned the hard way that life is so short and so precious; enjoy your wealth, do good while you can, and give your love away freely. ♥️

EDIT: Just saw that you’re seeing a therapist; that’s great and keep at it because it’s a journey. If you want any advice, PM me. I’ve had to learn a lot about what truly gives a life meaning.

I sympathise, it's not easy being different from others, particularly if you're different in a way that you can't really ask for sympathy for. And you're presumably reeling from the breakup of a serious relationship.

Seems like you need to find a purpose. Sometimes in life a purpose comes automatically, a job to make a living, a child that needs raising or a relative that needs caring for, even a romantic relationship. Right now your purposes have gone and you need to find a new one.

Take some time to examine your values, if you could make any change in the world, what would it be? What kind of thing bring you joy and satisfaction (or used to, if you're feeling too depressed to feel that right now)? And allow yourself to grieve if you need to, for losing your relationship and also your family issues.

How about finding a charity that is somehow linked to medicine and offering your business skills, using your knowledge of both medicine and making money to help fund surgeries on children in poverty/war stricken areas or something along those lines.

Find a purpose, something you can feel excited about and get to it.

Wow well done OP, that's a huge achievement! Sorry you're feeling in a rut. I recommend just doing something, anything to give you steer of what you want to do, some times getting out of your comfort zone helps - go travelling, try something new, or learn something new, get a change of scene. Where you are isn't inspiring you so change it. I had my dream career for 10 years then gave it up to be a SAHM in a new country. I lost all sense of purpose and felt totally lost for a while and depressed. I did a post grad course which I loved but didn't pursue in a career in it - just enjoyed learning something new. Then I tried teaching but hated that. But all experience is good and bad, it helped me figure out what I wanted to do. I ended up setting up a consultancy business doing what I did in my dream career and I have never been happier.

So how did you get that wealth at your age as a doctor? Did you inherit?

Entrepreneurial people like yourself are generally restless and need to reinvent themselves regularly as they get bored. I think you need to do something completely different to reinvigorate yourself. Volunteering with a medical charity sounds excellent… but you need to really think laterally about what big life changes you would like.