Sooo…the afternoon of Christmas Eve and dh still hasn’t sorted his parents a Christmas gift.

[Dontyoulooktired]

I’ll start by saying that he rarely does and I don’t do it for him. It’s not my job to sort out presents for his family.

But something really awful happened to me this year and PIL were really good. They helped so much.

i have asked him, he keeps saying, “I’ll do it.” When, dh, when?

I think I am going to have to step in this year. They have gone above and beyond for us, the least I can do is book them a voucher for a nice afternoon tea somewhere. They are coming over to spend the day with us tomorrow, it would be pretty shitty to hand them nothing (it’s a joint account btw, and I am a SAHM, so it’s not like I’d be using “my” money to get them a gift, it’s just the point that he should probably want to get them something, especially after all the help they have been this year).

Absolute twat.

Yes I would step in and get them something nice. You risk thoughless pressie from DH otherwise.

I would see it as a gift from you in appreciation for their help this year.

Yes step in and sign the card from yourself.

Use the joint money but say it's from you as thanks. It is. You have thought of it and picked it. Point that out if he gets shirty and remind him he was asked to do it and couldn't be bothered.

I wouldn’t, personally. I understand that it’s not fair to them, but at what point does it become his responsibility, and therefore his fault and his problem to deal with the resultant hurt feelings? Men bank on women not being able to go through with leaving them to fail and cause upset. If he doesn’t want his parents to know he’s a lazy selfish slob, let him get off his arse and brave the Christmas Eve maelstrom with all the other swivel-eyed men who’ve left it too late. Just be cheerfully, firmly clear with the in-laws that DH committed to buying their present, he had plenty of time and yes, it’s very surprising that he didn’t manage to do it.

I wouldn't.

If you want to get them a gift for the help they've given you this year, then get them a gift for that.
Any Christmas gift should be separate. And for DH to sort.

I think it would be childish not to get them anything because it should be his job. I'm all for sticking to your guns but not in this instance.

You want to get them something because of who they are to you and how kind they have been so get them something. Like you say still time to get them a voucher for something nice.

Well to be fair to him he hasn’t had much notice that its Christmas Day tomorrow….oh, hang on..

In fact, I would stop asking him at this point - the last time you mentioned it, he said he would get it done, so take him at his word. Say to him in front of them “ooh, DH, go and get the present you’ve bought for your mum and dad, I can’t wait to see what you chose!” Let it come as a surprise to all three of you that he didn’t bother.

You want to get them something, so do it. Don't go against what you want just for the principle of it.

I'd get the afternoon tea voucher or whatever you want to give but don't say anything to Dh. Then remind him one last time to go get something for them and bring me some (insert something like Milk, bread, box of chocolates) while you are out. Better go soon most shops are closing early sort of thing. See what he does.

This is what I was going to suggest. Keep quiet and see what happens. If he does sort a gift you can give them the voucher as an extra thank you.

Did you ask him "when"?
Did you say you think it important as PIL have been helpful and kind to you this year ?

Even if they had done nothing, most people buy their parents a gift. And the when is clearly printed in every calendar. Why are you making it the OP's job to inform him of these facts? He hasn't just landed from Mars.

She doesn't need to.

Presumably the husband does not give OP reminders and prompts about getting gifts for her own relatives, so no need to coax the man into doing less than the barest of minimums.

Just do it from you. ‘Just something from me to thank you for being so lovely’. Then he won’t get any of the credit. But I’m mean like that.

You are gonna have to make it happen but I'd sit next to him with the laptop and ask him what he wants to go for.

Could you dump him and keep them??

Ooh yes, maybe this.

I’ve not done it in the 15 years we’ve been together. I don’t even mention it to him.

He’s probably only got them a handful of gifts for Christmas and birthdays in all that time.

They never say anything about it.

(Some) Men are useless.

Get them something from you to thank them for all their support. Don't step in and buy something from your DH, though!

No, because Christmas is on the same day every year, he’s had these parents for 41 years and he was there as well while they have been picking up the pieces all year for us, ferrying the children about, doing school runs while dh was taking me to multiple hospital appointments.

None of this is a surprise to dh.

If its important to OP (as it clearly is from her explanation about how greatful she is for the PIL help this year)
I think its reasonable to communicate and ask her DH if hes got them a gift and if not when he would do that)
Communication is key in a couple ,surely?

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. I’m joining you in the mean camp @columnatedruinsdomino 🤣

Weaponised incompetence.