Sooo…the afternoon of Christmas Eve and dh still hasn’t sorted his parents a Christmas gift.

[Dontyoulooktired]

I’ll start by saying that he rarely does and I don’t do it for him. It’s not my job to sort out presents for his family.

But something really awful happened to me this year and PIL were really good. They helped so much.

i have asked him, he keeps saying, “I’ll do it.” When, dh, when?

I think I am going to have to step in this year. They have gone above and beyond for us, the least I can do is book them a voucher for a nice afternoon tea somewhere. They are coming over to spend the day with us tomorrow, it would be pretty shitty to hand them nothing (it’s a joint account btw, and I am a SAHM, so it’s not like I’d be using “my” money to get them a gift, it’s just the point that he should probably want to get them something, especially after all the help they have been this year).

Absolute twat.

I understand your point ,but as you said it was important to you particularly this year as PIL have been so helpful to you,i dont think it unreasonable for you to ask him about this matter and to communicate with each other.

Get them something from you to say thankyou and sign the card

Then tell them, in front of him, that he left it too late to get their Xmas present from you both. Don't apologise on his behalf

He sounds a twat

I would buy the voucher for a really swanky afternoon tea somewhere, but not as a Christmas present.

Just a thank you from you, and only you, for all they've done.

Your husband can do or no do as he wishes.

They sound like lovely people OP. You obviously have to acknowledge their kindness with a gift. I think it would be rather embarrassing for them if you made the gift just from you. The whole point of the exercise is to thank them, not make them feel awkward. I know I'll get flamed for this, but that's my honest opinion.

As I said in my op, he keeps saying, “I’ll do it.”

I started saying to him in March he should book them something lovely this year.

'H has bought your Christmas present, but this is just something from me to say how much I appreciate all the extra help you've given us this year'. Look at H and wait....

What is it about ( some) men who seem completely incapable of organising gifts or cards ? I had to go out this morning to have coffee with a friend and the street was full of harassed men. M and S , Boots , the local card shop all packed with men trying to choose a gift or card . All looking pissed off !

Yeah I would do that too.

Oh fuck embarrassment!

Honestly, the number of women who'll let men off with being totally fucking useless just to save there being a bit of (male inflicted) awkwardness is ridiculous.

No wonder so many men are useless when there's a woman behind them making sure nobody is embarrassed by the collective idiocy of these men.

If they were left to sink or swim.more often they might be a bit embarrassed about themselves and be motivated to not be so pathetic.

There’s a country hotel that they love, doing vouchers for a luxury Sunday lunch they can use anytime next year.

I am going to book that.

Considering just putting it from me and the kids on the voucher to print, but I don’t want to make them feel awkward.

Not dh - I don’t care if he’s embarrassed, I’ve had enough Christmases where he’s bought them jack shit and hasn’t cared, I don’t want them to feel embarrassed in anyway.

OP, it's special because of what they did to help you in a time of need....please just put it from yourself. Not even the kids, just you, as a special extra thank you.

^ this

If the person you're married to says 'I'll do it', why would you not take them at their word?

Yes, in this case OP you are doing this for you, because you want to honour them. Which is lovely.

Next year, it's back on him!

Get them something and frame it as ' a little something extra from me to say thanks for all your help this year '. Then watch DH squirm.

Could you do the “so DH, where’s the Christmas present you bought your mum and dad?” thing, let him squirm and deal with the embarrassment he deserves, THEN whip out a voucher and say you got it separately from you, as a thank you for all their help? I couldn’t bear to let him off the hook, I’m afraid. It’s just so pathetic, lazy and juvenile, and so typical of so many men.

Generally yes, but if its Christmas eve afternoon and time is of the essence and it was something important to me personally i think it reasonable to check alls well. Bit, i do understand those who think otherwise.

This isn't a bad idea, you can write "just a little something extra to thank you for all you did during x, with love from Don'tyoulootired".

Don't let DH off the hook for the gift from everyone!

There's a broad fucking gap between communicating with an equal in a partnership and having to parent a lazy man baby who can't manage to do grown up things without constant reminders, time frames and a fucking gold sticker chart.

This.

I agree with others, but the voucher from you as a gift for them helping out so much. At least then if dh gets them nothing it’s only him that will look stupid. If he does buy them something then the voucher can just be something extra from you.

I would give them a gift just from you then.

I would want to avoid any embarrassment or awkwardness for the parents. They just deserve a thoughtful thank you for the help they've given. So DH gets away with it, but it's more important thar the parents get to enjoy receiving the gift.

“I’ve booked them a Sunday lunch voucher at swanky hotel from me. If you want to get them something from you, you’ve got about an hour until the shops shut.”

He said okay and went back to building Lego with dd.

If he doesn’t give a shit about his parents, there’s nothing I can do. I’ve just put it from me (my eldest went out and bought his grandad his favourite whiskey and his grandma a posh box of chocolates from him and the younger children last week, so the children have got them something from them all).

ETA - in the message box, I wrote how much I appreciated all their help and support this year and signed it lots of love, me.

He rarely sorts a present so this year is no different!

Perhaps he feels that hosting them is enough?

If you want to get them a thank you then do so, although that could have been given at any time already!