Sooo…the afternoon of Christmas Eve and dh still hasn’t sorted his parents a Christmas gift.

[Dontyoulooktired]

I’ll start by saying that he rarely does and I don’t do it for him. It’s not my job to sort out presents for his family.

But something really awful happened to me this year and PIL were really good. They helped so much.

i have asked him, he keeps saying, “I’ll do it.” When, dh, when?

I think I am going to have to step in this year. They have gone above and beyond for us, the least I can do is book them a voucher for a nice afternoon tea somewhere. They are coming over to spend the day with us tomorrow, it would be pretty shitty to hand them nothing (it’s a joint account btw, and I am a SAHM, so it’s not like I’d be using “my” money to get them a gift, it’s just the point that he should probably want to get them something, especially after all the help they have been this year).

Absolute twat.

His attitude is appalling. His lazy arse attitude would give me the ick, OP!!

Well done getting the voucher from you.

”this is just from me and DC, as DH insisted he was sorting his own gifts for you”

Actually loving this suggestion. Brilliant way to show you weren’t involved but also make him explain himself (which he won’t be able to)

I don’t actually understand this. DH & I both work fulltime but we each have ‘jobs’ we are better at and enjoy more. One of mine is cards, presents, general celebrations because I’m very good at it. He does loads of things that I’m totally rubbish at.

Do they give you and him presents?

I just don’t get this attitude.

I am very lucky that for the first 13 years as a mum, I was lucky enough to be a SAHM. Yes, we are a team, and my looking after the DC means my DH can travel and work late. That’s just it, it’s a team.

My DH is really crap at buying presents and can be a bit thoughtless. My PIL aren’t even that nice to me, but I still make sure they have nice presents, if only because of the hurt look on his mums face when he’s thoughtless.

Often it’s zero bother to me. His dad has the same interests as my dad so I just get 2 of whatever I’ve thoughtfully selected for my own. His mum would never spend money on luxuries for herself (perfume, body lotion) so that’s what I get for her and she seems very touched.

Yes it’s his job, but sometimes women are better at some things and vice versa. We are a team. I’ll do the gift shopping, he can put up the shelves and take the bins out.

Ok what reason can you come up with for him leaving it so late to buy his ostensibly lovely parents who he adores something for Christmas despite several reminders? Illuminate me.

i think you'd have to ask him for an accurate answer.

They tend to give a gift card of about £100 to each of dh siblings/partners as a joint present. Then when they come to celebrate Christmas, when ever that is, they always want to contribute the meat and drinks for the day.

I was married before dh. I was young and I took it all on. My first husband was an ungrateful prick. I shopped for his whole family, for birthdays, Christmas and everything else. They weren’t as lovely as dh family, but I swore that if I was ever married again, I wouldn’t do that. And I haven’t. It’s a personal thing.

But DH has continually said that he would do it. If they're to be a team over this, with OP expected to take it on because of his uselessness despite having been clear that she doesn't want to either, he needs to meet her in the middle and actually communicate about it. In the same way that you shouldn't spend 9 months telling DH you'll put a shelf up but failing to do so.

It’s not helpful for posters to say ‘I don’t get this because in my house I do gifts but my man puts up shelves’ or whatever. That’s grand if it works for you - especially those of you who don’t have paid employment to worry about. But that’s not the situation here. The husband has promised to do something and then failed to do it.

Hang on, MIL lost her sister this year, and they usually went there for Xmas? So a first Xmas for her without her sibling and a change in usual format and location. And they’ve done loads to help you and your DH? But he can’t be arsed to get his mother a gift? Wow. I’m pleased you’ve done a gift from you OP and your eldest DC sounds great to have put some thought in too.

Just buy them a present! They are your family too if you've been married 15 years!
Your dh is crap but this not a time to make a point.
How hurtful for them!

Good glad you’ve done this op. He’s lack of care and compassion isn’t your embarrassment to bear. Set your owns standards.

This, my husband's family are mine too and vice versa that's how we've always seen it. We quite often buy something together but if I'm out shopping and I see something his mum would like then I just buy it. I don't understand all this separate buying for families.

Do you think he'll be embarrassed when they get presents from you and the kids and nothing from him?

I feel your pain, I've spent the past week trying to get my DH to step up and organise gifts for his family.

With online shopping there's no excuse for it, you can be thoughtful and lazy at the same time.

I’m not making a point. I’ve got them a gift.

But dh repeatedly said he would, for months. We even discussed which hotel would be best to book (they love afternoon teas/lunches out at nice hotels), but by 2pm this afternoon, he still hadn’t bloody done it.

Usually yes, that would be his problem. Especially as we discussed it previously. It took me around 90 seconds to google the hotel, find the page to book gift vouchers, put in my email address to send it to and pay via Apple Pay. He sits on the toilet for longer than that. Even though he works, I’m sure he could manage 90 seconds once a year, if he could be arsed.

The thing is, from when I introduced him to my ds (he was 9 when I introduced him to dh), he’s spent HOURS researching and buyingChristmas and birthday gifts for him. From the days he was obsessed with starwars, to now when ds is in his early 20s and needs computer components, dh put in so much effort to it. Hes the same with our younger children. And he will often get me a small gift that I said I liked the look of or needed months previously, to the point where I have forgotten about it.

I don’t get this with his parents at all. He loves them, he really does.

(sorry brain is fried, ds was 8, he’s now 23).

He said he was going to book it, repeatedly. He didn’t.

Honestly, I don't know how you can put up with him being such an ungrateful c*nt. I would make it absolutely clear how much it has impacted my opinion of him as a human being.

Oh, and don't worry, his parents know he's an arse. They just keep letting him off the hook. Maybe there's a lesson there for parents who have supremely low expectations of their kids.

Good! Well done for not including anyone, even the kids, as this is a special thing from you. 😀

If you're happy to do it and you're using his money anyway then go for it if he's happy with that!

I refused to sort out my in laws this year as we spend our own money on family (by DH insistence) but it might be different if they did a lot for me and my children

That would be a remarkably shitty thing to do to guests.

My DH is really crap at buying presents and can be a bit thoughtless. My PIL aren’t even that nice to me, but I still make sure they have nice presents, if only because of the hurt look on his mums face when he’s thoughtless.

You're just enabling his thoughtlesness.