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Original poster

My daughter and partner are not getting on

70 replies

Missthe1975 · 22/12/2025 18:23

My daughter is 14 and I’ve been split from her dad for 4 years. My partner of 18 months does not live with me but when he comes to stay I can sense my daughter doesn’t really click with him. This weekend he stayed for 3 nights and on the 2nd day my daughter was particularly moody. Yesterday my partner and I were having a chat about it all and he called her presence like a black cloud and she’s very “Wednesday Addams” I feel very protective of my daughter and am so upset he said this about her. What should I do? One day he says he’d like to blend but I don’t think he could actually cope living with her. He’s got an 8 year old daughter himself.

OP posts:
Fuckoffeasypeelers · 22/12/2025 18:24

Get rid and priorise your DD

Elizabethandfour · 22/12/2025 18:24

I don’t blame her. Who wants a strange man in the house?

OffToSeaInABlizzard · 22/12/2025 18:25

Separate.

At the very least, never have him in your home again. And ensure your daughter never has to see him again.

My God - do you have to ask?

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SlipperyLizard · 22/12/2025 18:26

Please don’t try to force your DD to share her home with a man she’s uncomfortable around.

He should be able to stay over, but not move in and not hang around more than is necessary.

I say this as the daughter of a single mum who didn’t prioritise (or even consider) our feelings when pursuing relationships with men.

Original poster
Missthe1975 · 22/12/2025 18:29

I haven’t spoken to him today as he’s gone to stay with his sister. But I am dreading the conversation because I’m supposed to be having him to stay Christmas Day but I don’t feel a bit like it. His daughter will be with her mum and my daughter will be with her dad so it’s only supposed to the two of us anyway

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 22/12/2025 18:30

He sounds like an absolute dick
Get rid and have a lovely Christmas with your DD just the two of you

TomatoSandwiches · 22/12/2025 18:30

You're inviting a strange male that isn't related to her into her home, the place she's supposed to feel safe and free to relax. How would you feel in her shoes?
She doesn't have any romantic or nice feelings about him, he is a random man.

Please stop inviting him over unless she is staying with friends or her dad/family it's really not in her best interests and not even necessary for your relationship.

He sounds thick as shite anyway so my fanny would have clamped shut the moment he displayed such a lack of empathy and insulted a 14yr old.

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2025 18:30

She’s 14- such a hard age to share with a strange man. I suspect that she doesn’t feel comfortable doing her usual stuff with him in the house which is understandable- I would feel the same (and did when my mum moved my step dad in when I was 18)

firstofallimadelight · 22/12/2025 18:44

Either date him seperately or end it. Neither seem to like each other

Abittrumpy · 22/12/2025 19:04

Your poor teen daughter… regularly having her mum’s boyfriend, who she doesn’t like and has known for 18 months, suddenly in her home, sharing facilities, kitchen, lounge.

FGS op, you know what you need to do. I doubt you’ll do it though

Abittrumpy · 22/12/2025 19:06

Yesterday my partner and I were having a chat about it all and he called her presence like a black cloud and she’s very “Wednesday Addams”

Get the fuck out of my house.
Would be my response

Haupt · 22/12/2025 19:14

The Addams family were a loving family. I'd go full Morticia and chuck him.

Ponderingwindow · 22/12/2025 19:19

Thinking that a personality like Wednesday Addams is a negative would be enough to turn me off. My own dd is much like Wednesday and she is perfect.

If your DD isn’t warming to him doing overnights, I would at least scale that back for now.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 22/12/2025 19:23

He’s her partner of 18 months guys!!!

he’s not a strange man off the street ffs - OP would have made sure he was harmless and good match I’m sure

she should be able to have him to her home

I think he was just using an analogy of how her behaviour impacts - they can both have feelings!!

aound alike some talking needs to be done

gamerchick · 22/12/2025 19:23

It's not going to work OP. She's at a tricky age on its own.

When I got with husband I told him that if the kids didn't take to him then it wouldnt have a future. It's too important for them to feel safe and secure.

Maybe keep the 2 seperate. No overnights.

FuzzyWolf · 22/12/2025 19:25

It always makes me sad that people really feel they need to ask things like this.

Please, prioritise your child.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 22/12/2025 19:50

Have you actually had a conversation with your daughter? You say you sense she doesn't click with him, but I think you need to have a frank conversation with her about the situation and go from there.

FoggyFriday · 22/12/2025 19:52

Never have him stay again, it's your daughters home.

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2025 20:27

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 22/12/2025 19:23

He’s her partner of 18 months guys!!!

he’s not a strange man off the street ffs - OP would have made sure he was harmless and good match I’m sure

she should be able to have him to her home

I think he was just using an analogy of how her behaviour impacts - they can both have feelings!!

aound alike some talking needs to be done

How does one make sure he is harmless? How on earth would she know this? 18 months is new in a relationship and it’s fair enough that a 14 year old doesn’t feel comfortable having a strange (to her) man in her house.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 22/12/2025 20:32

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2025 20:27

How does one make sure he is harmless? How on earth would she know this? 18 months is new in a relationship and it’s fair enough that a 14 year old doesn’t feel comfortable having a strange (to her) man in her house.

Show quote history

He’s not a strange man

Claire’s law? If you were worried - also surely OP wouldn’t be in a nigh on 2 year relationship with someone she didn’t trust

OP is entitled to some love in her life from a partner

it needs talking about first - she doesn’t even know for sure if that what daughter is peeved about

she’s not leaving him alone to run the house - she’s inviting him over when she is there to monitor

Silverbirchleaf · 22/12/2025 20:43

I think your partner is causing ‘a black cloud’ for your daughter. Consider her feelings. Maybe you need to take a step back and not have him staying over so often.

Lotsofsnacks · 22/12/2025 20:55

I would have hated a random man in my house, staying over, when I was 14. I know hes obviously not a random, but to her, it’s an outsider she’s not that comfortable with, in her private space. Can u meet him at his going forward?

Minjou · 22/12/2025 20:58

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 22/12/2025 19:23

He’s her partner of 18 months guys!!!

he’s not a strange man off the street ffs - OP would have made sure he was harmless and good match I’m sure

she should be able to have him to her home

I think he was just using an analogy of how her behaviour impacts - they can both have feelings!!

aound alike some talking needs to be done

He's a strange man to the DD. She doesn't like him and she doesn't want him.in her home. She shouldn't have to

OP isn't entitled to have her boyfriend in her DDs home against her wishes.

LightUpLavender · 22/12/2025 20:59

Do not blend. Fine to see him if you still want to, though sounds like you might not now, but don’t make your Dd live or spend time with him. No need. Not every relationship needs to end in living together. Especially while you still have children living at home.

VikaOlson · 22/12/2025 21:00

She doesn't have much childhood left, these are the last few years you're going to have together.
I wouldn't fall out with your daughter over a man.

If she spends time with her dad, then do you have time you can see your boyfriend without her there? Just keep dating and family separate.