I had a total Meltdown at my child's Christmas show last night

[thetallfairy]

Ahhhhh gosh

What is my life

I had been n the go all week

Sleep deprived

Single parent
Working 12-14 hours a day

It all so much for me last night

All on my own trying to help the kids
No one else to back me up

Kids would not come home with me when the show was over

Stepped into the corner of the hall and was in floods of tears

No one there to help

Friends from school sitting there with husbands and their parents they don't care

My parents dead
Sibling dead

Just got so much last night and we all left with me crying my eyes out it

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Thing is I have a high up job (supposedly)
So people are prob thinking god look at the state of her 😫😫😫😫😫

Have you looked into Homestart for support? Volunteers come to your home and can help in lots of ways, a lot of it is having a cuppa and listening. Hopefully they have people in your area https://www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start
Hope you have a very happy and peaceful Christmas

That's a fab idea

I would pay them or give a donation

???

You wouldn't have to but I'm sure they'd appreciate a donation. Just look after yourself first 😉

I wish you were near enough to hug, sweetheart, you dared to flee DV, which is one hell of a big step in anyone's book. I wish I had had your courage.
You are working hard to provide for your kids, but probably at a high cost to you. I know it's easier said than done, but if you can next week with them go out for some walks wind down and get some fresh air. collect some nice leaves to make into a display for Christmas or if it has snowed have a snowball fight. we all need to be a child now and again!
make sure you are eating sensibly if possible and drinking water
As for missing future school events that is not worth thinking about lots of people have been where you are so do not worry
big big hugs. i had a melt down in the Drs one day and the frosty faced receptionist who I used to dread came round the desk hugged me and then made a cuppa. since that day I have never hesitated to give a hug if I think someone needs it

You were just crying because your kids were so cute in their play and you were so proud I'm sure 😘. You're doing great.

It happened to me years ago at the children's sports day. I was wearing sun glasses, hoping no-one would see the tears dripping down my face. I was going through hell with personal problems. It did get better. I hope you feel better soon xx

It’s so difficult isn’t it? You’re doing great mum, keep going.

For what it’s worth, I have two ND children, and the very very last thing I wanted when dealing with the meltdowns in public, which would make me upset too, was anyone trying to help, I would have been mortified. So maybe there’s a few thinking like that too

So sorry OP, I know that feeling well 😢😢😢

My DD is very fraught this week, like you she works from home, is a single parent and just doesn't have time for all the school performances and whatnot. I think that her kids pick up on this and have been giving her a terrible time - me too, when I had them a couple of evenings this week.
You sound as if you're working really hard at everything but some times of year are just awful when you're doing it all by yourself.

Sometimes people don't help you because they don't know what's wrong, they're embarrassed or they don't want to embarrass you.
Hope that you can relax and have a lovely Christmas with your children.

As an ex-teacher I never heard any of my colleagues judging a parent who was upset or anyone who they knew had fled DV. Perhaps they didn’t know how to intervene or want to appear nosey? Perhaps they had to watch children whose parents hadn’t turned up? They may have been exhausted themselves and unable to take anything else on. They will have seen it before, and much worse, so don’t beat yourself up and don’t hide away. Most teachers are kind.

I’m so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, I’m sure you are doing a great job raising two amazing kids, things can get stressful at this time of year but please don’t be hard on yourself. Deep breaths, you can do this.

Surely no one noticed at the end of the performance. Everyone else would have been getting ready to go

It’s hard to ask for help by I bet you there are people who would be round in a shot if only they knew you were struggling. What about grandparents or Aunties/uncles on the Dads side? Is their Dad not interested at all?
A neighbour or classmate’s parents? You really deserve some help even if only temporary.

Thank you all

My plan now

Cut down on work

I'm checking bills for next year and the minimum I need to get by on

I don't need this stress and guilt

No mortgage so that takes the pressure off

Your kindness has helped so so much xxxxxx

Sending allllll the hugs 🫂 🤗 ❤️ 💙 💗

Aw no, don't beat yourself Op, you are not a bad mum, just an overwhelmed one, doing what you can to get through. How about having a 'what the hell' day for everybody, just chill with the kids, watch nice films, eat simple food and stay in your jamas. While you are chilling, just plan in your mind what you will do if the kids do this again. One trick is to give them a countdown, 15 mins to hometime, 10 mins to hometime then 5 then home, it means you are not immediately stopping their fun and gives them time to wind it down. Be kind to yourself over Christmas and try to get some down time🥰

i feel you. You’re not alone. It’s a fucking lot. I’d like to say it’s only for a bit, but currently it feels a life time every day. Much love.

You all are so kind

I'm going to try and focus on all our achievements tomorrow

Was beating myself up thinking they were traamatised from seeing me like that but I normally hide when I'm in pieces not in full view of parents, kids and school staff 😅😅😅

Just thought I'd share what my autistic daughter said tonight, @thetallfairy
I was a bit miserable & she said 'it's ok, we (me & kids) are in a snow globe, & even if someone shakes it, we're all safe & ok!' xx

So tough. Can you get on line counselling?

Morning @thetallfairy . I hope you're feeling a bit better today 💗
I echo others that it's much bigger to you than those present. Someone should have checked on you. I can't imagine not checking on a tearful stranger never mind a friend.
We're here for you and you have your dcs to cuddle. Be kind to yourself.

Hrft and comparatively easy for me as I have a DH and only one DC3, but when I realised I was the back up plan, BC my DH is unwell, and we don't have family support.
If anything goes wrong it's on me to deal with it, arrange pickups, I nearly folded at the thought of it. It's a huge stress when you are the responsible person and it sounds like you do a great job.

Don't push yourself too much, have breaks when you can and strive for achievement rather than perfection.
Merry Christmas, only do the work you have to.