I had a total Meltdown at my child's Christmas show last night

[thetallfairy]

Ahhhhh gosh

What is my life

I had been n the go all week

Sleep deprived

Single parent
Working 12-14 hours a day

It all so much for me last night

All on my own trying to help the kids
No one else to back me up

Kids would not come home with me when the show was over

Stepped into the corner of the hall and was in floods of tears

No one there to help

Friends from school sitting there with husbands and their parents they don't care

My parents dead
Sibling dead

Just got so much last night and we all left with me crying my eyes out it

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Don't worry about the crying in front of teachers. I worked in a school for many years and I cried in front of the head teacher once. Be kind to yourself, you're doing a great job. Hope the New Year brings you good things.💐

It's one bad day

I try my best otherwise

Don't always get it right

I have a good relationship with the staff at school but I prob close myself off a lot so maybe I seem really unapproachable

I don't k ow

Just felt so alone and so sad

Sometimes big families are not all they are cracked up to be! I have one sister who has undiagnosed severe mental health conditions and also a physical health condition she could be cured of with an operation which she denies she has even though a Consultant and blood tests have diagnosed her with it (I have the same condition) which I’m awaiting surgery for, and I dread going home to my mothers house for Christmas. Sister had ruined every Christmas with her extreme behaviour. We all walk on eyeshells when she’s in the house which is most of the time even though she has her own house. We never know what will set her off. She has attacked people in the past. Sorry for hyjacking ops thread. Make your little kids some hot chocolate with marshmallows and stick on some Christmas movies. It’s the little things that they will remember. My eldest is 27 now and says one of her nicest memories is me buying her a ginger bread man on a Friday from the bakery!

So sorry to hear that

Want to know their most magical Xmas memory

Cheapie hot chocolate sticks ( the blobs on the end) in a mug with hot milk and then sprinkles on top

All pound shop

Always talked about every Xmas

I got so upset because I felt alone
Exhausted
I was feeling everyone was judging me and I was totally sleep deprived

My kids acted up because their mother is not available mentally some days or I'm stuck at a blooming lap top

Not running my self to the ground like this again

When i changed our lifestyle to fit around the life we actually led instead of trying to fit into what was expected of two people, suddenly it opened us up to people like us. People who couldn't ignore each other in trouble, even if they weren't particularly great mates.
I'm not suggesting you go to the lengths I did, but knowing others on your wavelength makes a huge difference.

Hi OP. you mentioned you were away for a few days for work? Who helped you then? Are they around over Xmas at all?

Well that is a good point

No sadly not

They are on holidays

Be proud of yourself and all that you are doing to support your family. You will reap the benefits.
I think some people get overwhelmed when they see people upset and are scared of getting it wrong. Once Christmas is out of the way you will feel less pressure. Be kind to yourself.

My heart would have broken for you, Op. I'd have definitely given you the hug you needed. It's not that nobody cared, they probably just didn't know what would have helped in the moment. I hate sympathy so I'd have preferred people to pretend I wasn't having a meltdown and that might have been how they were thinking.
Sending you the most comforting and cosy hug possible xxx

You sound spectacular. Schools see all sorts and honestly your kids sound standard. I once was teaching at a school where half way through a performance ( with parents present) a child in year 4 told the Head to ‘kiss his arse’. The mother and father were there and were unable to do anything. A TA marched him out!

Kids can be so mad and hyper at Christmas. School can add to the frenzy.
I’m so impressed by you. You are amazing. How lucky are your kids to have such an amazing mum.

It is a lot and you’re doing a great job keeping it all together. I’m shocked none of the other mums or teachers approached to offer some comfort. Surely they understand how difficult this period can be for people.

I think you should give yourself the credit you deserve, you are doing great in very difficult circumstances.

I wish you and your children a happy and peaceful Christmas.

No, not “poor kids” It’s poor you! They have to realise that you are human and have feelings too.

There’s enormous Christmas pressure from primary schools - lots of us have cried with the million things to do , remember and pay for, whilst working, caring, planning Xmas and being social- it’s painful so anyone who saw you upset should sympathise.

onwards and upwards you’ve got this

Also remember have you ever seen someone crying and thought badly of them? No one does they just feel bad or awkward at most. No one is thinking you’re a terrible mother, not even your children. It’s just you thinking this.

Dont skip a single event - they are precious, hold your head high and go be a proud mum

@Elleherdthat is a beautiful post. Take heart, OP, you’re doing great x

Not the same situation, OP, but I remember making another mum cry when our kids were in year one by asking her if her daughter would like to come to ours for a play date with DS. She cried because no one has invited her DD before. She was single and had fled DV too.
We are out there!

Ah my good ness xxx

As no one asked if you were okay, no one actually knows why you were upset. Uncontrollable tears could equal bereavement for instance. They have no idea, therefore can’t judge you.

Dust yourself down and move on! Its’s now today’s chip paper!

Single, 2 small children and house already paid off - I’m in awe!

I do understand you feel Christmas is quiet compared to other households but your children won’t. They don’t know any different and tbh will only ever remember Santa coming and having a lovely ‘warm-filled’ day. Keep it simple - eat and play games.

Merry Christmas!

All so kind thank you

Feeling a bit better

I am ashamed but will have to get over it

I agree. Can you get signed off sick for a couple of weeks in the New Year, preferably when the DC are back at school/ nursery? Better than trying to power through and having a full on breakdown. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Well done on getting your children out of the dv situation. I suspect that background means you have sod all support. Big hugs.

Have you heard of the spotlight effect? Apparently we all perceive ourselves as being highlighted to others, as if a giant stage light is shining on us, but of course it isn’t at all. Meanwhile, everyone else is worrying about their own spotlight…

I honestly think that far fewer people will have noticed your tears than you think. People might look in your direction if they see other heads turning, but often they don’t actually notice let alone judge. And lots will be sympathetic, even if they don’t say anything.

I used to be a teacher and trust me we saw all sorts of emotions from parents at different times. The school staff will have seen it all before.

Is there a member of staff that you could speak to in confidence? They may be able to access sources of support for you or your children.

It's sounds exhausting. I hope you manage to get a proper break sometime soon.