I had a total Meltdown at my child's Christmas show last night

[thetallfairy]

Ahhhhh gosh

What is my life

I had been n the go all week

Sleep deprived

Single parent
Working 12-14 hours a day

It all so much for me last night

All on my own trying to help the kids
No one else to back me up

Kids would not come home with me when the show was over

Stepped into the corner of the hall and was in floods of tears

No one there to help

Friends from school sitting there with husbands and their parents they don't care

My parents dead
Sibling dead

Just got so much last night and we all left with me crying my eyes out it

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Also: I would bet money you're not the only single parent family in that school!

Speaking as a single parent whose DC have attended small village schools. DS2 's class is quite thin on the ground for other LPs I have to say- I don't get on with most of the other parents- but I have had quite a few friends in the years above and below. But come to think of it, most of them I met out of school.

I do recall that feeling of bleak loneliness- moving to the village with baby DS1- and pushing the buggy around feeling very isolated and down. Well, that baby will be 16 in a few weeks, and I have so many friends here. It will get better.

I really feel for you. When I first became a single parent I remember a teacher calling me over at the end of the day to report that my child had been mean to another child. The mum could have been cross or upset about it but she put her arm around me and said, Things are difficult for you at the moment aren’t they? I’ve never forgotten how kind she was.

I used to find Christmas events really difficult too especially if they were full of families. I used to feel like tearing up but would take a deep breath and put a brave face on.

I don’t think anyone would think any less of you. Maybe they didn’t know what to do (giving them the benefit of the doubt.) It sounds like you are doing your best op.

There is no shame in becoming overwhelmed with fighting through the shit that life sometimes dumps on you.

You sound like you’re absolutely doing your best but are close to becoming exhausted with dealing with everything unsupported.
I know I’d ‘cope’ doing everything on my own if the situation demanded it because there wouldn’t be any other choice but I sure as fucking hell don’t believe for a minute that it would be a walk in the park.

Please please don’t neglect yourself. Your kids have already been through so much, as have you; you are the most important person in their lives and they need you.

I can’t believe no one came to ask if you were okay, if you needed a tissue or a hug, but I suppose some might have felt they were interfering- or just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening.

Anyway, try and do one thing for yourself every day, write it down so if you’re having a shitty time of it you can reflect on some positives. Might sound a bit wanky but after going through some dreadful crap a few years back I continue to write a gratitude top 3 every night before bed. No one know about it, it’s just my private thoughts and I do look back when I’m struggling to realise how much good stuff happens every day.
Last night I wrote:
Had a nice walk
Enjoyed lunch in the office with colleague
Lovely hug from ds at bedtime.
Simple things really but good to focus on the positives before bed (for me anyway, please feel free to totally ignore and dismiss as a pile of wank 😂).

Take care op, if you’re feeling alone you can always just chat on here, there’s always someone up for a natter 💐

Most people will understand and will have had their fair share of times when things get too much for them in various situations. The ones who don't understand, ignore any judgement from them.

No need to hide away. Face it straight up. You don't have to explain. People will quickly forget.

There is no single definition of a normal family, kids think their parents are old and embarrassing, they will get over it too.

I got tearful one day at drop off when my DC were at primary as I had just had a minor accident in the car on the way. One of the teachers gave me a great big hug and took me into the staff room for a cup of tea. You are coping with a whole lot more than I was, and the teachers must know this. How heartless of them not to say a word to you.

I’m sorry no one thought to offer you just a little bit of kindness. If I had have been there I would have given you a hug and taken you for a coffee. You are doing a fabulous job under very difficult circumstances and I hope you get some rest and peace over Christmas

Thank you so much I will do !!!!

You guys have helped me so much today

I can't begin to thank you enough for everything

So many lovely posts

Such wise words

Chin up I guess

Could be so much worse

Do anyone see the insta gram clip of the student from Bradford explaining his family set up and how he no longer sees his mother

Well I sobbed and sobbed

Who was the kind soul that looked after both children for a few days whilst you were on a work trip?

Everyone would have just thought crying over the nativity scene, along with prob quite a few other parents!

I did see that clip, i cried too.
All families are normal, however they’re made up. There is so much variety in how people live and who they live with.

But you have someone you are not alone. Can you text/call them? Is there a way to put some boundaries in place personally as to how much of your power you hand to these people - how you let them make you feel a certain way?

perhaps lean into this person when they are back and take some respite.

Not much to add, lots of things said already that I totally agree with. Just that you should have no shame at all, but personally I think the other adults there should feel some- I can't imagine not even discreetly coming over to ask if you were ok- I'm adding to the hugs sent, and think you should be proud not ashamed. You've protected your children and removed them from the previous situation, you work hard and you obviously try 110% every day which is why you are so burnt out. Be as kind to yourself as you can 💕

I expect the few people who saw your upset were thinking “oh that poor woman”
Also, we are going reluctantly to a big family Xmas lunch, there will be 20 odd pax of my H’s family… We have had a convocation to this event every year for 37 years. I will be itching to leave before we arrive. Last year they were 27 & we were shunted off the list. So I know we are an expendable accessory. They have completely ignored me & H since he is mentally diminished following a stroke.
I dont want to sit & watch their lavish present giving, the expensive gear the kids & GC get.
I’d far rather be at home with my DC !
So everything is not as it seems.
Get some rest. Talk to your DC.
Try & be thankful for what you do have. Your payed for home, financial safety, your healthy loving DC.♥️

Haha well so true

I had also been balling at one boys lovely singing voice

Thanks all I fee much less ashamed

I just wish I felt less self conscious after leaving abuse

We had no choice

I have friends who stayed and are in utter hell

You DID have a choice OP. You could have stayed, failed your children and ruined all of your lives. You were so incredibly brave and resourceful, you got out and now your children have a safe home with a parent who loves them and shows up for them. I am full of admiration for you.

Stop love! Look at this rationally, over 50% of marriages end up in divorce

a single parent household IS normal. You are a normal family, and you are the head of a very courageous one

3 and 7 are HARD years to manage, but you’re doing it. You really are.

you will all come through this and rise up. My Ds was 5 when we left his abusive dad, he’s just turned 20 now and an absolute legend.

you will get through this. You really will.

is there any way you can take a day off for your MH? Are the doctors or health visitors helping you?

What a lovely post @sprigatito

damned right

is your leaving a recent thing?

when I left i felt like there was a big neon sign above my head telling everyone that I was literally the most idiotically stupid person who had ever walked the earth.

idiotic would have been to stay, and you know this

I know it sucks, but feel proud that you are doing it all. Work, care, providing a stable environment for the kids all on your own. When they are older they will be able to see what you are doing for them now. Can you take some annual leave soon for a break?

My heart goes out to you, it is tough enough being a single parent without Christmas and all that it entails in terms of work, money, energy and emotions. I was a single mum and can remember being in tears at some stage every Christmas. In fact I was crying a few tears in Aldi yesteday and mine is long grown up, it is a combination of the cold, the dark, having too much to do and being the only one to do it. I really hope that you manage some down time and are able to do something just for you

Oh my gos yes

No it's was 3 years ago

But still

I can totally understand what you mean

Also why is there less judgment on the abuser ??!!!!

Yes I saved for a Xmas euro disney trip and a cruise next year

Thank you all xx