I had a total Meltdown at my child's Christmas show last night

[thetallfairy]

Ahhhhh gosh

What is my life

I had been n the go all week

Sleep deprived

Single parent
Working 12-14 hours a day

It all so much for me last night

All on my own trying to help the kids
No one else to back me up

Kids would not come home with me when the show was over

Stepped into the corner of the hall and was in floods of tears

No one there to help

Friends from school sitting there with husbands and their parents they don't care

My parents dead
Sibling dead

Just got so much last night and we all left with me crying my eyes out it

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Wow

Well amen to this !!!!

Thank you 🙏

Lots of people don’t had big families Op. Try not to imagine everyone’s having some big magical day… plenty of single parents out there with little to no extended family.

Did your ex take them home instead? It’s good to have a structure in place, certainties are so important for your mental health (and the kids). Also, allow yourself to be upset, this is human, it’s because you love them soooo much. Get a shared calendar with your ex and make sure like the PP said, organise a snuggly day with treats.

Ex should have been jailed for his abuse against us

We had a two week criminal case he walked free

He attacked all of us

So kids also have ptsd

True

Plus I need to stay away from social media too that makes me feel worse

I want to send you a big squashy hug to go with the brisk shake…I think you need both. You haven’t done anything terrible, you’re not the first mum to get overwhelmed and break down. You’re doing fine and you need to pace yourself, make sure you’re eating and drinking and sleeping properly and don’t mark yourself out of 10 on everything, you don’t need to be perfect. Chin up, tits out, you can do this 💕

She said upthread that she fled DV.

I am in absolute awe of you, you are amazing! I lived with domestic violence until he actually threw me out when my children were young adults. I didn't have the courage to leave like you did and give my children a better life. You are a true warrior so please try and stop being so hard on yourself. You are all your children need, you, yes even at Christmas, you are their rudder, their guiding star, fuck everyone else. I wish you the best of days now and in the new year x

So having read your thread, you sound incredible.

You have done a brilliant job getting you and your children away from dv

When it’s all on you there comes a point where it feels too much. This happened last night. It’s happened to me before (different circumstances). It’s normal.

You’re more than good enough to have achieved safety for your children. You’ve got plans for taking some pressure off yourself job-wise in the new year. You sound like a really strong person and it’s good to use this thread to just get it all out.

If I’d been there I’d have given you a big hug. Maybe people were focused on the show and didn’t realise or thought you’d be embarrassed if they came over?

Sending a virtual one now 🤗

Ive got a dh and have still had tiredness meltdowns so what’s my excuse? Once broke down in tears when dropping one dc off at nursery. The poor woman who was leading me out went “oh…dear me, what a to do” and practically shoved me out the door 😂

This time of year is so fraught and emotional anyway. Give yourself a huge break my love 🌺

Sorry, quoted the wrong message there - meant to quote the OP’s!

bet they wish they were part of the other normal families

This is where I am gently going to challenge your thinking.
As a single mother you are 100% a normal family, and your children won't be thinking anything about it.
There will be several classmates who are in single-mother families. Dozens and dozens throughout the school. Your DC will in no way AT ALL feel odd or abnormal for being in a single mother household.

If you simply mean they wish they weren't with a mother crying at school, well, maybe, but that doesn't matter. Every child gets horrendously embarrassed by their parent at some time or other, sometimes DC get very frequently very embarrassed, especially as they get older.
It is the DC's job to get embarrassed, and it is the parent's job to be embarrassing. That is the way of the universe.
It doesn't matter. The DC will forget all about it in no time.

how can I get out of all the other whole school events
Just cancel. Don't go. Bribe the DC with chocolate or whatever.
Just tell them "sorry we are not going, I have a headache, so just go watch a screen and eat this chocolate".
They will be upset for a few moments, but that is okay. Let it pass.

Perhaps it would help if you have a semi-honest conversation with DC7 and acknowledge what happened. That sometimes you find this time of year hard, but actually you realise how lucky you are because you have them and DC3. Give them a chance to tell you how they feel and feel seen. Maybe you could offer something for you to do as a family of their choosing. You can turn this around and actually use it to bring you together.
Whatever you choose to do, you’ve got this. Your DC are so lucky to have you and they will love you more than anything.

@EuclidianGeometryFan

Yes to every single point

Much appreciated!!!!!

It's a small village school
We are the only single parent family

But we have nothing to be ashamed of

Love this

Thank you

We are off for pizza after roller skating later

They have so many gifts waiting for them also for Xmas

I really do my best for them and neglect myself

YOU 👏ARE 👏AMAZING 👏

You have done the hardest thing, you have removed your children from danger and kept you and them safe. Most people - thankfully - cannot even comprehend what that means. Your children don't want or need anyone else, they have you.

Please give yourself the love and kindness you deserve ❤

@Dollybantree

Oh golly what a response she had !! My god !!!

Thank you for your kind words

We have all been there

I feel like a fool but I have been through hell and they know all of that too

OP from all you have overcome you so brave and so strong. You sound amazing.
Have a down day. Have some chocolate. Do what you need to do. And stop saying bad things about yourself. We all need a rest.
And if you feel alone, mate you have a whole thread here of women who don't even know you who are in awe of you. We're all here.

I used to wish I lived in a “normal” family, despite being in a two-parent household, because I wasn’t loved or even liked by anyone in that house. I bet you a million quid your children aren’t wishing any such thing, because they have YOU and you are a wonderful mum who is their rock.

Thank you

I need to go easier on myself

And stop working all hours

I paid our house off this year

I had been panicking that I would lose my job so I did extra work in a few areas and now we own our house

So not all a bad year really

Thank you

When I fled from the piece of 💩 I had so many great people here advising me !!!!

@sprigatito sending you lots of good wishes

So sorry to hear that

Please don't neglect yourself. Your DCs need you to not neglect yourself. It's like on an aeroplane when you must put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others. When you do things for yourself so that you feel better - that helps your DCs.
Those people who didn't help you? Well, the shame is theirs not yours - for seeing someone in such distress and not trying to help. That's on them.
I would try to go to at least 1 other event before Christmas and hold your head high.

You ARE a normal family, please never think you are not.

Christmas brings so many pressures to have the perfect tree/outfits/presents/food/outings on top of everything you are doing. I think its a nightmare, especially for women. Not surprised it got to you, I think Christmas gets to a lot of people for various reasons. Im sorry people weren't helpful and haven't reached out to you, that's shameful for them not you

Please remember parenting isn't just one day/week/month. Or one meltdown. You have years and years of experiences with your children to come, one crappy day/period just means that. One crappy day/period against a lifetime of other experiences.

I have been in your exact shoes and felt like you so I feel like I can honestly tell you, its ok, it will get better, your children know you are doing your best and they know they are loved and the three of you are a NORMAL FAMILY with normal emotions

Your children could see you being perfect every day. Or they can see you not being perfect, falling down but getting back up. Which do you think they will learn most from? Keep going, you are obviously already a strong woman

Sending all three of you hugs and hope you eat nice things, cuddle and laugh as much as you can over the holidays.

If it helps at all, many years ago my mum died at Christmas. At a Carol concert at DSs school they sang her favourite Carol, and suddenly I was uncontrollably ugly crying. DS left the stage and ran to me and every single person in that room was staring.
Next day one or two kind people asked if I was OK. The rest basically carried on as normal as they had their own lives to think about, and I'd provided 5 minutes of interest, but nothing to dwell upon.
What it was though, was an important warning sign to me that I wasn't in a good place and that I really did need to take care of myself a bit better. Because when we keep ploughing on, pushing down our feelings, its a pressure cooker that will eventually explode, often when we least want it to.
Look after yourself.