Would having a male midwife bother you ?

[ChristmasRobinFly]

Just watching the us office birth episode where the male Breast feeding consultant comes along

and reminded me of having a male midwife and I felt uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say actually, I don’t mean to be sexist but
actually no, I don’t feel comfortable with this

I’ve told this story on MN before but during my delivery with DD, I was asked if I would accept a male midwife. I didn’t even think about it TBH, I said yes so long as he’s qualified he’s fine by me.

I had a male Consultant gynaecologist/obstetrician so why not? In the end, he wasn’t the one who delivered DD as shifts had just changed when she decided to appear. In the event she was delivered by the same female midwife who delivered her brother, in the same room, 14 years earlier.

I must add though that I have only ever had positive relationships with men in my life. I totally understand & accept why not all women would feel the same.

I'm sure there are men who would make perfectly respectful midwives and obs/gynae drs, but any man with this level of insight and respect for women would know not to choose either of these professions. Therefore i have no time for men who insert themselves into situations that are going to routinely make a significant proportion of their patients uncomfortable or even severly distressed.

If a man wants to work with neonates then they can choose a career as a neonatlogist or NICU nurse.

I had a male Dr stitch me up after I gave birth and his face betrayed his revulsion. Same thing happened to my SIL. I had a male friend training to be a Dr who made really horrifying comments about doing internals. I 100% think men don't belong in this branch of medicine.

We’ve had comments about being a ‘functional adult’ and the old chestnut of ‘priority is a safe baby’ what about a safe mum both physically and mentally.

also lots of subtle comments about men being just as capable etc.

All of which can be seen as ways to dismiss lived experience.

I had a male midwife when I had one of my babies
He was bloody amazing-did his job with understanding and kindness while chatting to ex dp about the football
He made me feel really empowered
I cannot sing his praises enough-although I do wish if been asked rather than him just walking in (I was past caring at that point to be fair-I joke a Martian could have wandered in and I wouldn't have cared)

If id had the old bitch I encountered a few days earlier,id have walked out and given birth in the car park
She really was that nasty and treated me like I was wasting her time

Ditto the young cow when I gave birth at home (by mistake)
She told me that she'd swapped shifts with someone else that night and really didnt appreciate being dragged out of bed at 5am to come and see to me
The other midwives (once I got to hospital) where lovely but that one is now part of my birth story and I still get upset at her attitude (25 years on)

It wouldn’t bother me, but should be a choice. Both my children ended up being delivered by the doctors anyway. In DS’s case I had half a dozen medical students ( both male and female) looking on, but by that point I wouldn’t have cared if the pope walked in!

My OBGYN is male, I’ve been with him 18 years and he delivered both my babies (not in UK). He’s warm, kind, reassuring and made both my births immensely positive.
So I have no issue with a male being part of my OBGYN care but I totally understand why another woman wouldn’t be quite as comfortable.

During my first labour it was long and I multiple widwives one of which was male. I think I was so out of it I didn’t know who was who so it didn’t really matter.

Honesty, when it comes down to it, does it matter? In the throes of labour I doubt I'd have cared less if an entire church choir were stood watching and narrating in song. And besides, if there's an emergency and you need a consultant, you're hardly likely to kick up a fuss if it's a man who has to administer life saving medicine/surgery, so why be bothered about them delivering your baby in the first place? That's my thoughts anyway. I had a male consultant deliver my daughter and stitch me up afterward, and he did a fantastic job.

I don't think I'd mind the sex of the midwife as long as they were good at their job.

The anaesthetist and doctor were male during my forceps delivery and I could have kissed both of them for taking away the pain and getting the baby out safely!

The female midwife was kind of annoying and kept trying to push me into doing things I had told her I didn't want to do, like labouring on my back.

Male midwife, no.

Male ob/gyn - fine.

Have you read the thread? Because a lot of women have said it would matter to them. Which is all anyone needs to know.

There were male registrar, anaesthetist, district health nurse who were all incredible & instrumental before & after my birth.

For that reason, I wouldn’t mind a male midwife / doctor. Talented medical people are just that, whatever sex, in mu view.

No I was not comfortable with a male nurse checking me post delivery. That was nearly 40 years ago. Midwifery - the name says it all.

Same! I was in bloody agony & wouldn't have minded if a brass band came marching through the room, anything to take my mind off the pain.

Mid = with. Wife = woman. With woman. Midwives can be male.

I had a male midwife when my youngest DC was born, 42 years ago. It was very unusual in those days for midwives to be male. I was asked if I minded. I didn't mind. I was unconcerned about my dignity, modesty or whatever. All I wanted was a safely delivered baby and I didn't care who helped with the delivery.

I’ve had one and I hated it and would have refused if I could have. I’ve had many children and am not particularly coy. Mercifully the consultant removed him from the room.

Yes

I agreed to a male student MW whilst in labour with DC1 in the birthing centre. I went in at 7cm and we all expected it to be a quick(ish) and easy delivery.

However labour stalled and I ended up on the labour ward and had an augmented labour (was given a drip and had my waters broken). When they decided to move me neither the lovely MW or the student were allowed to join me.

Ended up managing a vaginal delivery just before they prepped me for an assisted delivery so there were about 8 people in the room with me. Mainly men actually (consultant, anaesthetist and a few MW's)

Would have happily had a male MW with either of my subsequent children but it was never an option.

The whole attitude of "wouldn't have bothered me by that point anyway" really annoys me. If you would not have consented to a male health care professional being in the room for your birth 24 hours before when you were pain free and not on any strong painkillers, then the assumption that this is okay 24 hours later when you are in labour, vulnerable and in pain, is NOT informed consent.

It wouldn’t bother me at all. My DS was delivered by a consultant who was male.

I wouldn't mind at all. I've worked with male HCPs and all of them have been consummate professionals. Some of the females, however, were not.

I had a male midwife in hospital, but I knew I was going to have to have a c-section so it didn't bother me. He was very attentive, polite, listened to me etc.
A friend had the same male midwife for her delivery (not a c-section) and said he was great.

I also had a steady stream of female midwives (usually a different one each time) - none of them listened to my concerns at all, which is why I ended up having to have a c-section......

I voted yes it would bother me to have a male midwife, but I just recalled that half the people carrying out my C section were men! About 3 of them in the room. It didn't bother me at all then 🤔

I wonder if I have internalised sexism that I am happy for a man to support in the process of birth if they are a surgeon or similar. Something to think about!