Would having a male midwife bother you ?

[ChristmasRobinFly]

Just watching the us office birth episode where the male Breast feeding consultant comes along

and reminded me of having a male midwife and I felt uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say actually, I don’t mean to be sexist but
actually no, I don’t feel comfortable with this

Adam Kay is a massive misogynist and one trick pony who makes a living, since leaving the medical profession, whining about the tribulations of working for the NHS and telling “anecdotes” about his patients - mostly female obviously since he went into Ob/Gyn and of course those anecdotes are always at the expense of the patient.

Unless he has substantially mixed up details, or invented them, I would have thought some of his patients would have been able to identify themselves and I’m surprised he hasn’t been sued.

He also bought not one but two babies via surrogacy in the USA. (One each for him and his partner). At least he’d learnt enough about obstetrics to recognise the increased risks associated with a twin pregnancy so he used two surrogate women for two singleton births rather than opting for the BOGOF that many buyers go for. (Another woman will have provided eggs so at least three women exploited).

Then he moaned about the hardship of getting up in the night to feed them.

Absolutely fine with it. I had a male registrar up to his elbows in me just before I delivered. A male consultant then delivered DS.

I've also seen 3 male gynaes in the last year. Literally couldn't care less.

But I get that some women would struggle with it.

No, the wife is the woman giving birth.
Mid- with
Wife - woman.
It's old English with-woman, meaning helping her.

I had a male midwife in training who was present at a few AN appointments including a sweep. He was also present at the birth but not throughout - he was training anyway so wasn’t very active, I wasn’t enormously comfortable with him being at the sweep and if the midwife had asked for him to carry out the sweep I might have said no

I wouldn’t have been comfortable with it during the start of my labour.

near the end I wouldn’t of cared if the entire patronage of the number 63 bus had walked in , so long as one of them pulled that baby out.

I had a male midwife in 1991. He was great. By the end of Labour, you couldn’t care less who delivers your baby.

Sorry, pretty much repeated what you said about the meaning of "midwife", but it's commonly misunderstood!
As you say, it's nothing to do with the sex of the midwife.

It wouldn’t bother me any more than a male obstetrician would, and I’ve been very grateful for help from one of those.

Even your partner?

My female midwife was so awful and rude that I would happily have anyone that wasn't her second time around.

I've had male gynae surgeons, male GPs, male doctors for lady problems, I have no issue with qualified men having a look up there. Plus I am a bit numb to whoever is down there at this point, after this many gynae issues (mostly caused by childbirth trauma, where the female midwife was present)

It wouldn’t have bothered me at all.

When I had DS1 I needed a ventouse delivery , because he was stuck, so that was done by a male doctor, observed by 3 or 4 student doctors. At that point a whole regiment of soldiers could have gone marching through the delivery room and I wouldn’t have given a monkeys. I just wanted him out safely.

I was just grateful for a midwife to be there when DS2 was born because he came rather swiftly.

I do believe that if a woman wants a female midwife then that should be provided for her.

I would have hated having a male midwife. There’s a school of thought that says any men in the delivery room - even the father - is likely to slow down the labour process. The midwife during my second labour got me to dance with her when my contractions stalled. It’s always just felt such an intimate process and you need to be in a ‘zone’.
I wouldn’t have a problem with male doctors or nurses doing gynae exams etc on me or emergency procedures because that’s just them using their expertise and my hormone production isn’t particularly important to this.

A fireman rocked up when I was about to give birth, the midwife asked if I minded him observing I didn't give a shit at that point.

Had a male locum midwife in emergency circumstances and he was wonderful and I never thought twice about it. It was a c section, so very quick and he wasn't all up in my parts - but also there were loads of people around, and I was only concerned about the babies. I would feel differently I think about having a male do a smear test - that's never occurred or been suggested. But birth was totally desexualised for me, just wasn't thinking about anything other than getting them out safely!

Was it in Scotland?

I've had male doctors doing smear tests. It never occurred to me it would be a problem.

No different to having a male doctor, they have seen it all before some much worse than you and some much better. No idea why anyone would have an issue.

I think I'd be ok with it for the general stuff and anything emergency related but anything especially intimate should ideally be done by another woman. I'm thinking of the checking how far the cervix has dilated bit where they ram their fingers up you and feel around. And breastfeeding. I've burst into tears before and felt violated with a male checking me for issues probably due to past experiences. I didn't know it would be a man and he was just there and I didn't get my head around it before it started. Whereas I was just pissed off with any female staff who were gruff or rough.

I wouldn’t care about gender, but I understand why others would

I had a male midwife. He was absolutely fantastic and it never crossed my mind to ask for a female one. I also had a male IVF consultant. However, having said that, I have never been sexually assaulted or assaulted by a male full stop. Nor have I experienced anything that may result in me wanting or needing a female midwife and I don’t come from a culture where it is considered wrong for a male to be in attendance during intimate care.

There was a male midwife when I was being induced, although I ended up with a c section, so not at the delivery point. A male surgeon and anaesthetist were involved there. I have also had a male doctor perform a colonoscopy. Really fine with all of it as long as the performance the necessary action.

No, it wouldn't bother me. I've had a few gynecology procedures with male consultants. It made no difference to me.

Differentforgirls no it was in London at a Maternity Hospital . He was far better than the female midwives, sadly l was not able to have him when l had my 5th as it was consultant delivery .

There was a male midwife on shift when I was in labour with DD and I requested not to have him.

I don’t have an issue with male care, in general, but I think birth is such an intimate and vulnerable experience and I personally wouldn’t have felt comfortable with it.

I ended up having a male consultant break my waters which I was fine with because he was in and out, in the room for 5 minutes tops, whereas my midwives were with me for hours.

I had a male obstetrician both times, I wouldn’t have my children without him as he’s the miscarriage expert who finally found the right cocktail of meds to get them to stick.

I had a male surgeon for DC1 and two male anaesthetists for DC2.

I met one male midwife who was an absolute prick. He didn’t believe I was in labour or that my waters had broken while I stood there brushing in a soaking wet dress - he actually turned to my husband to ask what he thought. DH just gaped at him and told him I was and to listen to me.