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Original poster

Would having a male midwife bother you ?

348 replies

ChristmasRobinFly · 16/12/2025 18:25

Just watching the us office birth episode where the male Breast feeding consultant comes along

and reminded me of having a male midwife and I felt uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say actually, I don’t mean to be sexist but
actually no, I don’t feel comfortable with this

OP posts:
ZippyBlueViper · 19/12/2025 09:06

I had a male midwife for my 1st and he was absolutely fantastic, could not have made me feel more comfortable and calm. Ironically out of all 3 the first was the only one i didn't need epidural.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 09:19

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 08:59

I was trained by a male midwife. When women phoned because they were in labour, many would ask if he was on duty and request him. If anyone expressed a preference to not have a male, either in their birth plan or when they came in, he would swap himself with a female. His view was that the important person in the room was the labouring woman and her preferences and comfort should be respected.

There are more lesbian midwives than there are males - would you be suspicious of their motives?

Just supposing I believe your claim that many labouring women specifically asked for this male midwife, the great thing about his being in such high demand is that the majority of women who didn't want a male midwife would be spared him.

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:32

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 09:19

Just supposing I believe your claim that many labouring women specifically asked for this male midwife, the great thing about his being in such high demand is that the majority of women who didn't want a male midwife would be spared him.

Edited
Show quote history

I don't really care whether you believe me or not, I was there and have no reason to lie 🤷‍♀️

He was able to empathise and support the women, without projecting his own experiences. And in terms of internal examinations, longer fingers make it easier to reach the cervix so examinations were less uncomfortable. But his practice was such that this was only done when the information was needed as part of decision making, he didn't do examinations routinely. And he was very careful about gaining consent from women for examinations, either those being done by himself or if doctors needed to examine the women in his care - he would always pull up the doctors who would walk into a room and snap on a pair of gloves without introducing themselves to the woman or explain what they wanted to do and why.

I consider myself to have been very well trained.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 09:42

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:32

I don't really care whether you believe me or not, I was there and have no reason to lie 🤷‍♀️

He was able to empathise and support the women, without projecting his own experiences. And in terms of internal examinations, longer fingers make it easier to reach the cervix so examinations were less uncomfortable. But his practice was such that this was only done when the information was needed as part of decision making, he didn't do examinations routinely. And he was very careful about gaining consent from women for examinations, either those being done by himself or if doctors needed to examine the women in his care - he would always pull up the doctors who would walk into a room and snap on a pair of gloves without introducing themselves to the woman or explain what they wanted to do and why.

I consider myself to have been very well trained.

Show quote history

No, I don't believe that many labouring women would call up and specifically ask for this male midwife. Some perhaps, if they'd had him before and felt comfortable with him, but many? No, don't buy it.

Having had male and female gynaecologists, the length of their fingers or their sex made absolutely no difference to the comfort or otherwise of the examinations - I'm surprised you think it does. And of course he should have gained consent - again, I'm surprised you even think that worthy of highlighting as it's a given. In terms of empathising and supporting without projecting - yes, that's what the many good female midwives do and have always done.

Periperi2025 · 19/12/2025 09:45

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 08:59

I was trained by a male midwife. When women phoned because they were in labour, many would ask if he was on duty and request him. If anyone expressed a preference to not have a male, either in their birth plan or when they came in, he would swap himself with a female. His view was that the important person in the room was the labouring woman and her preferences and comfort should be respected.

There are more lesbian midwives than there are males - would you be suspicious of their motives?

Would i be suspicious that lesbians love a good power dynamic over other women? No.

IHateTheElf · 19/12/2025 09:45

Id rather not but id rather a nice male midwife than a not nice female one if that was my choice.

Periperi2025 · 19/12/2025 09:48

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:32

I don't really care whether you believe me or not, I was there and have no reason to lie 🤷‍♀️

He was able to empathise and support the women, without projecting his own experiences. And in terms of internal examinations, longer fingers make it easier to reach the cervix so examinations were less uncomfortable. But his practice was such that this was only done when the information was needed as part of decision making, he didn't do examinations routinely. And he was very careful about gaining consent from women for examinations, either those being done by himself or if doctors needed to examine the women in his care - he would always pull up the doctors who would walk into a room and snap on a pair of gloves without introducing themselves to the woman or explain what they wanted to do and why.

I consider myself to have been very well trained.

Show quote history

All the female midwives i had did all that too. But without the stress of an unfamiliar/ unwanted male in the room.

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:57

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 09:42

No, I don't believe that many labouring women would call up and specifically ask for this male midwife. Some perhaps, if they'd had him before and felt comfortable with him, but many? No, don't buy it.

Having had male and female gynaecologists, the length of their fingers or their sex made absolutely no difference to the comfort or otherwise of the examinations - I'm surprised you think it does. And of course he should have gained consent - again, I'm surprised you even think that worthy of highlighting as it's a given. In terms of empathising and supporting without projecting - yes, that's what the many good female midwives do and have always done.

Edited
Show quote history

If you'd ever tried to reach a posterior cervix, you'd know that long fingers make it far easier for the midwife, and my experience (both as a midwife and as a mother) would tell me that this makes the examination less uncomfortable for the woman

I mentioned lesbian midwives because of the inferences made that men would only be drawn to midwifery for spurious/sexual reasons.

I think that the job of a midwife in the nhs today is pretty shocking, it's hard to give good, individualised, personalised care in the current climate, the system seems to put more and more obstacles in the way, but still we strive.

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:58

And you don't have to 'buy it' - just because your personal beliefs and opinions don't align, that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 10:03

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:58

And you don't have to 'buy it' - just because your personal beliefs and opinions don't align, that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Edited

Oh it does - but you carry on if it suits you.

Again I'll repeat, my personal experience of having cervial examinations from males and females tells me that their sex and length of their fingers made no difference. Remember - good midwives listen to what women tell them.

I'm interested why you, as a midwife, would even think to hold up the fact that a man asked for consent as something to be hailed in some way. As for your comments about lesbians - good grief.

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 10:04

Man is competent midwife- starry eyed wonder, he is the best EVER!! Woman is competent midwife-surely that’s what we expect?

C8H10N4O2 · 19/12/2025 10:11

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:57

If you'd ever tried to reach a posterior cervix, you'd know that long fingers make it far easier for the midwife, and my experience (both as a midwife and as a mother) would tell me that this makes the examination less uncomfortable for the woman

I mentioned lesbian midwives because of the inferences made that men would only be drawn to midwifery for spurious/sexual reasons.

I think that the job of a midwife in the nhs today is pretty shocking, it's hard to give good, individualised, personalised care in the current climate, the system seems to put more and more obstacles in the way, but still we strive.

Show quote history

Could you point us to the matching thousands of years of history teaching us that lesbians prey are a risk to women, carry out the overwhelming volume of attacks on women, especially sexual attacks?

I seem unable to find it.

Iliketulips · 19/12/2025 10:13

I'd rather have a female midwife, but I needed the surgical team on standby in the room for the birth, as well as the baby team - there were more men in the room than women. I think the anesthetist came in four times (long labour) and again he was a male.

OtterlyAstounding · 19/12/2025 11:59

HostessTrolley · 19/12/2025 09:32

I don't really care whether you believe me or not, I was there and have no reason to lie 🤷‍♀️

He was able to empathise and support the women, without projecting his own experiences. And in terms of internal examinations, longer fingers make it easier to reach the cervix so examinations were less uncomfortable. But his practice was such that this was only done when the information was needed as part of decision making, he didn't do examinations routinely. And he was very careful about gaining consent from women for examinations, either those being done by himself or if doctors needed to examine the women in his care - he would always pull up the doctors who would walk into a room and snap on a pair of gloves without introducing themselves to the woman or explain what they wanted to do and why.

I consider myself to have been very well trained.

Show quote history

Well, he wouldn't be able to empathise, as he'd have no concept whatsoever of what a woman might be feeling.

Larger hands would also make examinations more uncomfortable, and personally I've never had a female midwife or GP who had an issue with reaching where they needed to. Not to mention, plenty of women and men have similar finger lengths. You're really reaching with the 'longer fingers' comment.

And consent is the bare minimum!! Good god, are we now praising men as wondrous for asking for consent? And are you trying to imply that female midwives and doctors don't ask for consent?? Because that's not my experience, and if so, it's totally unacceptable.

FlockOfSausages · 19/12/2025 16:34

The bar for men is underground. Gushing about a male midwife asking for consent does not mean he is exceptional or better than a woman. It means it is so unusual to feel safe around a man the experience is perceived as exceptional.

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 16:52

FlockOfSausages · 19/12/2025 16:34

The bar for men is underground. Gushing about a male midwife asking for consent does not mean he is exceptional or better than a woman. It means it is so unusual to feel safe around a man the experience is perceived as exceptional.

Don’t forget the importance of their long fingers…..

MissMay95 · 19/12/2025 17:03

I have always preferred male health professionals! In my experience Doctors, gynecologists etc who are male have always been much more sympathetic, caring and have taken me seriously. I was dismissed by female doctors for 3 years and it wasnt until i eventually saw a man that he was able to take me seriously and do something about what I was going through! And it turned out I did have something wrong that needed surgery to correct- if I hadn't seen him I'd probably still be getting dismissed by females. So yes I'd have a male midwive. I'd rather have a male that a female if it was an option!

Purplewarrior · 19/12/2025 17:05

No. I had one. I wouldn’t have cared if they were an alien as long as they were going to help me.

aloysiuswasabear · 19/12/2025 17:41

I had a male midwife with my first, but I was asked if I was comfortable with that. He was brilliant! I didn’t really think about him being male at the time🤣

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 18:00

Considering that there are only around 150 male midwives in the country and something like 600000 births a year, it’s a little surprising that so many Mumsnetters have had personal experience of one…..

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 18:07

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 18:00

Considering that there are only around 150 male midwives in the country and something like 600000 births a year, it’s a little surprising that so many Mumsnetters have had personal experience of one…..

Surprising is one word for it...

PortSalutPlease · 19/12/2025 18:09

Squirrelchops1 · 16/12/2025 18:32

Mid WIFE. Mid WIFERY. Not mid person.
I've no issue with male obgyn but feel, at s woman's most vulnerable they need a woman.
However, given the shit show in some maternity wards I'd take a competent male midwife over a mediocre female

It means WITH woman, not BE a woman.

user65342 · 19/12/2025 18:29

Wouldn’t bother me at all, competence to do the job is literally the only thing I would be concerned with.

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 18:50

SirChenjins · 19/12/2025 18:07

Surprising is one word for it...

Show quote history

I’m being charitable because it’s Christmas.

Purplewarrior · 19/12/2025 18:57

CurlewKate · 19/12/2025 18:00

Considering that there are only around 150 male midwives in the country and something like 600000 births a year, it’s a little surprising that so many Mumsnetters have had personal experience of one…..

Mine wasn’t in the UK…