So EMBARRASSED I'll have to change my name and not just on Mumsnet.

[Imfat]

Last week I was in hospital with pneumonia and pleurisy, came out on Thursday morning.
As it's a lovely day here, DH and I went for a short walk.
On the way back I somehow tripped and knocked myself out.
Came around in an ambulance on the way to hospital. DH went home to get the car to follow me.
The embarrassing part was I'd dirtied myself both ways.
Got to hospital and I was taken into a side cubicle so they could clean me up, the health care assistant was
only our DDS friend. I was crying and she was so kind and trying to calm me down.
Still don't know how I tripped but have also broken my arm, bashed my nose and scraped my face.
Still in hospital awaiting a scan on my head.

Please cheer me up with your embarrassing stories.

Should you have another flare-up, disposable ear plugs are your friends (the rubbery-looking sort, not the obviously foamy ones). Lightly coat them in the lotion & pop in.
I know this because my mate tripped over a rug while attempting exactly your Q-tip protocol & was sternly advised by the Otolaryngologist who had to treat him to use "nice, soft earplugs" in future.

This

Honestly, it made me laugh too!

ETA I might as well tell the full story.

I was taken out in a wheelchair, just as women were signing in to be interviewed for my job.

I couldn't resist. As I was taken out the front doors, I called "Don't take the job - look what it did to me!"

Unprofessional, but... [Yes, partly stolen from a famous actor.]

Long time ago now but I was singing a solo at a large concert. I had to walk up a short flight of stairs to get to the stage, I tripped but fell in such a weird way that I couldn’t immediately get up. I was stuck there with my bum in the air, revving desperately in neutral trying to get my face off the stage. I just remember the audience letting out this collective ‘ahhh’ of sympathy until finally someone came to give me a hand up.

You've had a really rough time OP! The healthcare assistant probably didn’t bat an eyelid - honestly!

I went to the house of a guy I fancied for the first time, and literally the first I did was somehow trip and knock over the Christmas tree. Baubles went everywhere, ornaments knocked flying. Worst thing was, he lived with his parents, who I had never met and it turned out they were both at home. I did not make a good impression.

I'm not usually that clumsy, I swear.

Aw my god, my toes have curled into the balls of my feet 😱 I feel for you with this one 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣.

That's the kind of punchline that would only have occurred to me hours afterwards.

Usually that's the case with me.

I've just remembered - it was stolen from Richard Harris when he was carried out of Claridge's on a stretcher. Apparently, he called out "It was the food that did it!"

No (so be claims)

But his new wife wasn't too happy!

I think the only reason she didnt leave him,a fortnight after their wedding (not the best timing) is because it was explained to her it was the effect of the drugs and he wasn't himself

Oh thanks!!! That’s great advice. So I wasn’t the only genuis who thought Q tip thing this was a good idea 😅

This reminded me of a thread on here years ago where a poster had some sort of stomach problems (maybe constipation?) and read something above sticking a whole bulb of garlic up her bum to help, which it did, but she ended up stinking the sole toilet out in her workplace. The exact description of the eye watering stench she produced was very evocative. IIRC she worked in a nursery so tried to blame it on one of the kids, but her colleagues kept giving her evils.

My story - there was a huge queue for the loos at an outdoor gig so a friend and I managed to sneak off to pee by the side of a tent which we only found out was where they were keeping the band we were there to see when they came out and saw us mid stream 😳

No. But maybe Elon Musk will soon be offering trips to Mars.

I went into hypokalaemic shock on a hospital toilet in August, I messed absolutely everywhere and hallucinated my middle son helping the Doctors and nurses get me off the floor. I was taken back to my bed and thoroughly cleansed by 2x HCAs. I was absolutely horrified, coupled with the feeling I was heading for imminent death!
Why my middle son was conjured up remains to be a mystery of my mind

As a young trainee solicitor who’d been burning the oil at both ends, pulling all-nighters in my corporate seat, I got absolutely sozzled at my firm’s Christmas do. I was sitting on another trainee’s shoulders, singing away (he was a six foot brick shithouse and I’m 5 foot nothing in heels) on the dance floor, when he somehow dropped me on my head. I blamed my headache and dizziness on the booze, and staggered into work the next morning to find my vision started blurring and speech was slurring. The partner in my team refused to let me go to A&E, telling me I was just hung over. He finally relented when I was sick in his office bin, but only after making my secretary ring round the London hospitals to find the shortest waiting time. Obviously I had a concussion, but thankfully no skull fracture.

I was mortified and wanted to change my name/job/everything, but I styled it out, stayed at the same firm for a decade and became known as a bit of a party gal even though I was usually in bed by 9pm!

As an ex nurse I can guarantee you this is not something that is even on her radar as something you should be embarrassed about. She will be more worried about your injuries, the rest is just basic care xx

This is why Sunday School is good for even those of us who wind up atheist. Saves much later embarrassment if you know who Onan was before you've even done your PHSE classes. 😆

I was in a sauna type place abroad. It’s culturally normal to be completely naked - in fact it’s a rule that you must be. All fine. Except then someone walks in and sits down next to me. It’s a work colleague! We both stare at each other for a second and then I go to say ‘Nice to see you’ but instead say ‘It’s nice to see you in the nude’.

Thankfully, she acted like she hadn’t heard me and we chatted as normal. But I wanted to drown myself.

You poor thing. You really did land with a wallop. Having hit your head that badly it seems really unfair that you don’t have slight amnesia.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Mortifying for you, but completely unremarkable to a healthcare professional, I promise you. You'd have to do a heck of a lot to shock them!

I was on a hospital ward waiting to go into surgery. Paper knickers, inadequate gown, the lot. My bed was at the very end of the ward, by the window. The loos were at the other end, just inside the doors. I needed the loo and the nurse said it was okay to go myself as I hadn't had my pre-med yet. Somehow, I caught the knickers on the edge of my table and, unbeknownst to me, they started unravelling as I moved away. I keep reliving that walk down the ward, as I slowly revealed my arse to my fellow patients. 😳

Years ago I was in hospital on total bed rest which meant I had to use bed pans. I remember being very embarrassed when one of the HCAs had to wipe me after using the bed pan as we both attended the same small church.

Hope you feel better asap op! Nothing to be embarrassed about and I’ve also been in a situation where I was very ill, spewed and released at the same time (a ruptured ectopic pregnancy) as long as the medics are ok with a fall causing the issues I wouldn’t worry, but in the nicest way I would be very worried about a friend who soiled themselves after a fall (because I would be looking for a medical reason for their body reaction, not because they were in any way to blame for any of it) xx

You took a really bad fall. Feel better soon.

One time I was walking down a crowded street and turned to look at something and I walk really fast and I managed to knock myself out on a sign. I was pregnant too.

I am cringing on your behalf but in reality I know she won’t give it another thought.

i had a former pupil do my breast exam when I had a lump. We neither of us mentioned it.

Sorry you went through all of this,
it would be bad enough for all the pain and suffering, without the embarrassment but, can't be helped now.
The longer that you focus on it and fret about it and worry about it, the longer this is going to be an issue in your mind.
Try to let it go if possible and just say "wow, that was a bad day.
Good news is, tomorrow's got to be better than this."