So EMBARRASSED I'll have to change my name and not just on Mumsnet.

[Imfat]

Last week I was in hospital with pneumonia and pleurisy, came out on Thursday morning.
As it's a lovely day here, DH and I went for a short walk.
On the way back I somehow tripped and knocked myself out.
Came around in an ambulance on the way to hospital. DH went home to get the car to follow me.
The embarrassing part was I'd dirtied myself both ways.
Got to hospital and I was taken into a side cubicle so they could clean me up, the health care assistant was
only our DDS friend. I was crying and she was so kind and trying to calm me down.
Still don't know how I tripped but have also broken my arm, bashed my nose and scraped my face.
Still in hospital awaiting a scan on my head.

Please cheer me up with your embarrassing stories.

I was trying to cross the road in front of my ds's marching brass band because I was on the wrong side of the road to capture a good photo of him. But I tripped over my own feet and had to be picked up and carried off the road in a hurry so the band could walk past. Broke my ankle in 2 places.

We laugh about it now but in all honesty I don't think ds has entirely forgiven me for showing him up in front of his new girlfriend. Their relationship didn't last long.

I hope you feel better soon op.

@Imfat I think the only rational solution is to ask for plastic surgery whilst you're in hospital, a new face to go with your new identity.

I think they'll be fine with it.

I swear to God...garlic and home-made brandy are supposed to cure anything. You drink brandy before eating to kill the bugs in your stomach. nods

On those few occasions that we managed to visit Dad's side, we were constantly fighting off the relatives attempts to give us foodstuffs to carry home. One time, Mum had to tell Dad that no, we were NOT carrying a half a pig home in our suitcase, even if it was wrapped in tin foil.

I came home from a family wedding this July. No garlic, but a cousin gave me a bottle of brandy which (I was solemnly informed) was to be applied to my sore leg. (I'm currently debating whether to have my main saphenous vein zapped privately. Apparently, it formed in utero with not one single valve. Go figure.)

I did apply the brandy once, but I've decided that I'm better off drinking it.

Ouch! Hope you heal quickly! 💐

I've had a c section, a load of midwives and my friend helping me with colostrum harvesting/breast feeding DS, and a coil insertion/smear test done under GA. Not much bothers me anymore. 😅

As I was walking past a bus top a jam packed double decker pulled up. I chose that moment to trip on a flagstone and do the comedy arm waving is-she-isn’t-she stagger before falling. My sandal broke and my skirt flew up to reveal my sturdy black knickers IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BUS.

You poor thing. Get well soon. Remember, shit happens but you don’t have to stand in it.

Oh God.

You've just reminded me.

Leningrad. 1982. I was an exchange student.

Our hostel was a conversion of two linked buildings. To get to the shower, you had to go up to the 5th floor, across to the second building and then down to the bowels of the earth.

The shower area was open plan and tiled from top to bottom.

Whilst in the shower, I somehow slipped. Completely naked, of course. Came to lying on back, legs akimbo with an unknown Russian girl saying "Come on! You can't lie there all day!" whilst I tried to remember the Russian for "I can't; my head is spinning."

Oh you poor thing. You really have been through it recently! Are you sure you tripped? If not that needs checking out properly.

its definitely more duffucukt when you kniw the HCA, but daughters friend or not it's something she'll be dealing with frequently. It's not at all uncommon. Try to forget about it.

I think I've been pretty successful in 'boxing up' my most embarrassing events, sorry! But I've had plenty. Time will help you relegate this one to history!!

take care of yourself! 🌷

and get checked out if it wasn't a 'trip'

My friend had an anal gland infection which required surgery and packing. They were very unwell. Along the same lines…you need it unpacking and repacking daily then every few days for weeks. One of the community nurses was a mum at school in the same year group.

Im sure the nurse doesn’t care at all but my friend was mortified that this mum basically looked at her bum

Ive treated people I know in sorry situations in my previous job and honestly we dont bat an eye lid or judge. I promise you x

This. Absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed about I promise you. You poor thing.

Nothing beats a dab of Vicks under the nose, can’t smell anything else for ages. Except a 3 week dead body in summer, I’ll never forget that smell!

I've remembered another one.

I've twice had broken elbows - different arms, but same reason: slipped on ice.

The first time, I had great difficulty getting up and then staggered (sober) to my then fiancé's house. I consoled myself with the fact that at least no one had seen me.

A week later, I was going down my street with the arm in a sling and was greeted by a neighbour who said "Oh, did you do that when you fell?"

I had to have an operation on my nipple which had a strange bobbly skin tag a bit like an extra nipple growing out of it and the nurse in attendance was someone I went to school with. That was embarrassing, but not quite as embarrassing as the time my male boss barged his way into the toilet (busting the lock in the process) whilst I was sat on it having a crap.

NASA is working on a moonbase by 2035, I think?

Volunteer.

@Imfat hope you feel better soon. You appear to have done a proper job there, but go big, or go home right? 😉

When I was 16, I got my first motorbike. Moped really, but I thought I was Billy Big Bollocks. I saw a girl I fancied standing at a bus stop, turned around so I could pose past her (how she'd know it was me under the bash hat I didn't think about). I was so busy posing that I rode straight into the back of a car that had stopped in the line of traffic waiting at the traffic lights. 🤦‍♂️

If ever there was a definition of "D'oh", I think this was it.

When you came to in the ambulance were you being carried by a fireman?

My brothers a nurse & had to cut my friends clothes off after she broke her neck, she’s was mortified and told me but he’s never mentioned it & probably doesn’t even remember it.
healthcare workers don’t tell anyone & they’re not easily embarrassed. I know it feels horrible but they’ll have already seen something else like it by now & you’ll be long out their head.

You poor soul, I hope you are feeling better.

I have long standing bladder control issues and I've been fully conscious when I've peed myself on too many occasions to mention! Don't even think twice about it.

@Imfat Bless you , I hope some of these stories are cheering you up! You have been really ill already, i have had pneumonia and pleurisy and it knocks you for six, so take it easy and relax at home once they discharge you (with the windows covered until you think it’s safe be out😂)

Don't worry OP, I've worked in A&E, your story though a shock to you doesn't even begin to register on the A&E Embarrassing Incidents Scale, which starts at, "patient inserted an Action Man doll into his rectum & cannot retrieve it" (not my hospital & a very widely-known tale, I'm betraying no confidences & if curiosity gets the better of you, you easily can find the xray online).

Poor @Imfat . . Take care of yourself now.

Years ago, I was working on a court case and had to go through security. I was required to unpack all the bag's contents and repack. As I was emptying the bag's contents, my vibrator dropped out (I was staying in a nearby hotel for the case as it was not local) and rolled across the floor. In front of the security guard and everyone behind me.

I'm pretty brazen so I just scooped it up and repacked it, in hopes that my total lack of visible embarrassment would fool everyone into thinking it was something far more innocuous.

Oh poor you - that sounds awful. Honestly - the hospital staff won’t think twice about the soiling yourself other than to check out why you lost consciousness and make sure you’re ok. I work in the NHS and we see similar multiple times a day. Please don’t be embarrassed. I really hope you start feeling better soon and that you have a speedy recovery

Aw OP, hopefully this will just be one of those stories you end up laughing about

In 2013 I was 21 & stayed with my sister in Italty, I'd had a miscarriage a few days prior so I really wasn't feeling great. During my stay I started to feel extremely unwell and ended up in hospital as I had a huge lump in my side. I honestly thought it was left over baby.

I had an xray and was checked over and the consultant came and spoke to me ( I'm laughing writing this ) and she says to me "it's feces" in shock I said "WHAT?!?!?!" ( I know what feces is i just wasn't expecting her to say that"

And she goes " it's poo, poo poo"

She them got a nurse to take my into a room where there was a little old lady on the other bed. Then she comes up to me with two humongous tubes of water..... I say "oh, I don't think I'll be able to drink all of that" and she says " no, no, it goes up" I say "up where?" ( I'm totally bewildered by this point ) and she says "up your bottom". I panicked and said "omg i cant do that" and she says " i can do it for you" i decline her offer and she then goes to the atttached toilet and puts blue roll ALL OVER the floor. I was so worried there was going to be some sort of explosion 😅

When I got back to my sisters and told her what had happened she found it extremely funny. I was absolutely mortified. It's taken a few years for me to see the funny side but now it really makes me laugh whenever I think of it