When toddlers won’t walk, won’t go in pushchair and won’t use balance bike etc …

[Lostinthewood2]

Are we housebound or committed to carrying her around for the foreseeable?

Obviously I am being slightly facetious there but it is becoming a pain … She is 2 years and four months to give an idea.

Have you tried putting your toddler in a walker? Just curious

OMG no it isn't!
I was firm about some things with my four children but I absolutely didn't hit them, ever.

I had this with dd when she was tiny. We didnt drive so it was bus and walk everywhere.
When she refused the buggy she would walk and when she screamed i stood and waited she was on reigns so not able to run off and I waited and smiled and waved at all the tutting people and when she had finished we had a cuddle and I told her she was a good girl for settling down and off we went and then in 1,2,5,10 mins when it happened again I waited again.

Its not hard but sometimes you have to be as stubborn as they are.

It’s not illegal in England.

If you are consistent with sensible boundaries they stop pushing back. My kids have a routine of leaving the house twice a day (1 year old and 2 year old). Both occasionally don't like going in their pushchairs - if i have to i put them in. Both have learnt that this is a hard boundary - eldest gets himself in now and youngest stops crying within 5-10 seconds. Then they have a lovely time out. Unfortunately the moment you let it become a choice of theirs whether you go out - its hard to row back without being super tough for a long time. Other tricks I've used at times - snacks in the buggy, playing music or singing to them whilst putting them in, talking to them about what we are going to do, letting them do some of the process themselves (works well for the 2 year old).

That might be a useful tip I’ll keep that one in mind!

Buggy board?

I think at this age variety was key - giving some choice and being able to switch about when one stopped working. I used to put the balance bike in the buggy for the school run sometimes. I deliberately bought a tiny one.

Ultimately once you are out and about they can't reject all the options forever. Distract, distract, count lamp posts, look for a red car, try marching, stamping, stopping to do a jump every 10 steps, singing in time with her steps so she has to walk for you to sing the next word. Race her to the bench. Play the stop go game - she walks or runs on your directions to stop and go, then it's her turn to make you stop and go (also teaches her to stop on command). Make it into a game.

Have you tried a sling? Some are available for older children - can carry on your back. Mine were fine in pushchairs (had parent facing for as long as possible) but equally used a sling a lot from birth and used as long as I was able to carry them, which was several years. They loved them.
Used an ergobaby one.

I think maybe op you don’t realise that this is normal, I’d guess all of us have had to use a degree of force to get toddlers into car seats and pushchairs they don’t want to get into. It’s horrible. They are so unreasonable!! But they do start to learn cause and effect, and tantrums about things like this become worse when they have experiences of the tantrums being effective. You can also buy a special clip that goes on straps to help prevent them getting out.

Id suggest telling them ‘from now on, when mummy says it’s time to go into the pushchair, it is time to go in. If you scream and kick you’ll have to stay in longer. If you go in nicely I’ll get you out sooner/you can have a treat while we walk/hold a favourite toy - whatever reward you wish. Try this out over a few days where you don’t have a lot of appointments and don’t have to do it in front of others. Steel yourself and keep as calm as you can, just give an air of kind, steady, I am in charge and I will lead you in what’s happening. This is really what kids want even though they act like they want to be in charge.

Also second the balance board option - I’m sure that was the preference for one of mine at that age. If that can be done without fuss then that might make you both happy. Same rules led by you would apply though and consistent consequences if they can’t yet comply.

My son seems to think it’s funny by getting his little arms out of the seatbelt.

Bike or scooter with a handle? But you need her to stay on it and that sounds like it might be tricky. I think persisting with the buggy has to be your way forward. Get an additional harness if necessary and something to eat once she's strapped in. Make the first few trips to the park or somewhere else she wants to go. Like a car seat, this is non-negotiable.

Get a trolley

Or fling herself sideways so far that her head could crack onto the pavement or she tips the pushchair over sideways I’m always so grateful when someone else has been there too!

I’m not sure how it’s become about car seats but I’m not hitting her; end of.

I do think our pushchair probably isn’t the best but a new one just isn’t worth it at the moment. For a really good one even second hand is a couple of hundred.

Please ignore the replies saying you just have to force them. Some kids really do kick up a way bigger fuss and it’s far beyond what the average parent is comprehending. We definitely had one of these. And we thought initially it was the pram, not comfortable or something but I think he just hated being restrained and feeling he had no choice. He likes to be carried and mostly that’s what we ended up doing, which was very restrictive. However once he turned 2 and his sibling came along we got him a buggy board and that was a game changer. He loved that! Have you considered this as an option? We went for miles on it.
Now he’s too old and realises how lovely it is to be wheeled about, he adores the pram and sibling prefers the buggy board. So makes me realise there was nothing about the pram he hated, I think it was the lack of control!

My DD is 19 months and a couple of months ago HATED the pushchair. It turned out the slight incline of the seat was frustrating her as she wanted to be able to sit up properly and look around. I switched to a different, more upright and more robust chair and she was immediately fine. Just food for thought.

I got rid of the pushchair for my first 2 kids before they turned two. I was not having the in out in out circus that it was causing.
It was a bit annoying for activities that meant a lot of walking, but for the most part it was better that way. If far too far I bobbed them on my shoulders.

I understand your pain @Lostinthewood2 , when my son hit around 2 years old, the nonsense contraryisms reached critical and it can feel completely soul destroying. He would refuse the car seat, buggy, ride ons etc. I do remember spending a long time carrying him round in various situations because he just wouldn’t be reasonable. It was often when I just absolutely had to get him or my daughter somewhere on time.
I think for those saying the sort of victim / mother blaming point of ‘well just parent harder’ and ‘shove them in XYZ and be on your way’, don’t really fully understand how wilful and strong some toddlers can be. They also end up nearly hurting themselves trying to get out. Full solidarity with you that it just completely grinds you down on the daily.
It will get easier but I must say my son is still really contrary with a lot of stuff (wearing a coat in winter for example), I just pick my battles now, distract, coax, persuade and on full negotiation skills 😂

The old fashioned harness with reins is so much better than flimsy, ill fitting pushchair straps. As long as the push chair has secure D rings, you can plonk them in - make sure you are facing the buggy, brakes on, buggy backed against a wall, then you can hold them in position with your knee while you clip the harness to the D rings. It sounds awful, but you don't have to be rough, just obstruct the ability for them to get out of the buggy. Put the buggy straps on once the harness is clipped. Tip the seat back a bit so you have gravity on your side. You can re-adjust it once they are in. Ditto shopping trolleys - use the harness to secure them in the seat. Not that anyone needs to take a toddler round a supermarket these days. I wish I had online shopping when mine were little - they hated the supermarket.

This isn't just about a pushchair OP, its an important message, that she is in charge. You don't want to hurt her, and screaming for hours on end helps no one, but you need to set a boundary and stick to it. Today its a pushchair, tomorrow its brushing her teeth, in 5 years its going to school.

I had this problem with our pram! I couldn't really get mine in or keep them in when they were determined not to be in there. Poorly designed I think.

I carried her on my back (in my ergobaby baby carrier which can be used with toddlers - there are better ones for toddlers out there) till she was 4 and even now at 5, at times she refuses to walk home from school and I carry her on my shoulders.

Oh also it is possible to carry her on your shoulders! It took me seeing another mum doing it to know mums can do it too. I get mine to stand on a low wall facing away and dip my head through as I can't pick her up and put her over my head.

Same here.

Currently going through this with my almost 3 year old because he hates the cold but also hates the pushchair!

@KhakiAnt my son hated coats too but eventually was able to tell us, age 8, that there was a specific thing about the texture of most of them that was the problem. In hindsight I wish I'd tried different coats at the time, or even just lived with a thick fleece instead for a while. At the time I firmly believed he would wear the coat if he was cold enough, it had never occurred to me that the texture was giving him nails-on-chalkboard type ick and he would simply rather freeze.

Also, I have a 2 year old and I am in solidarity with you. She went through a phase of refusing to have a bath, and I dont agree with the 'dunk her in and teach her a lesson' mentality. I spent over an hour every night telling her that bath time was non negotiable no matter how much she pushed back

We have got over that hill now and shes back in the bath. Did I lose hours of valuable time? Yes. Did I resort to measures im not comfortable with (due to my own upbringing) No. Did we get there in the end? Yes

Parent your own way. But set a boundary and stick to it because giving in now means you pay later.

5 point harness in pushchair was helpful for us as was also having the straps out and ready to be quickly pulled over the shoulders and held in one hand whilst the other got the seat strap to plug them in to. The forearm would also be gently used to stop forward lunging and arms windmilling - it was a struggle and I don’t envy you. We have the issue with the car seat too sometimes. Various items and destinations were used as bribes on those days. Have you tried a sheepskin liner for the chair to make it more comfy?

ETA - a bag on the handles as ballast to counter the tipping. The whole thing is just a nightmare isn’t it!

My 2 year old hates the pram (we still use the big one that could have the car seat/bassinet on top). If she’s came out of it, she’ll refuse to go back in it (we have the anti escape straps but she’s worked them out too!)

At the moment we let her walk for as long as she wants and then when she gets tired she’ll put up a slight fight to get in but it’s not too bad. If she refuses to walk or get in the pram I’ll wait for her to make a decision/sit on the grass. Much easier than fighting her in the pram.