When toddlers won’t walk, won’t go in pushchair and won’t use balance bike etc …

[Lostinthewood2]

Are we housebound or committed to carrying her around for the foreseeable?

Obviously I am being slightly facetious there but it is becoming a pain … She is 2 years and four months to give an idea.

I am in a similar predicament with my just turned 2 year old. I’ve had to abandon walks before as she’s been thrashing so hard out of the pushchair or stroller I actually couldn’t really push (plus it just wasn’t enjoyable with her in such a state).

Ashamed to say I hand her one white chocolate button and she’s distracted by it I can quickly clip her in. Once we’re moving and she has a toy to hold or a book she’s calm. It’s mostly being put in she detests.

To entice her outside could you set up a Tuff Tray / sensory table in the garden? Bubble machine?

Small steps - aim for 5-10 min of her outside on her feet independently and try and increase it each day. It won’t be forever 💜

Forget other people’s enjoyment

take her out a few times for practise before you head to the Christmas lights or somewhere where her behaviour will actually matter

let her fling and you can struggle ( or as others have said see about a new chair )

You have to struggle , you have to work hard because giving in for an easy life now will make your future horrendous

@Lostinthewood2

whilst it’s not helpful in the short term but persistence is the best approach for most things in parenting I found, I had one refuser and i completely admit to bribery and putting up with tantrums

Where are you taking her? If you're driving anyway and it's somewhere that is fun for her how long is she actually in the pushchair? If you're worried about her activity can't you drive to a park where she can literally see the playground and that will get her to go there? I've definitely spent a fair amount of time just standing at the not-fun place pointing at the place they could go to with a minimal amount of effort. Or, admittedly with this rubbish weather, somewhere like a toddler session at a trampoline park?

DS1 hated walking at that age, but he'd always happily run round a playground or soft play. DS2 hates the buggy but sometimes he just has to go in it and it's unpleasant to force him but DS1 still needs to (for example) get picked up from school. There's usually snack bribery.

Firstly you are doing your best and those who are my child will do what they told usually have easier kids who when given no wriggle room comply. There are some great things about mumsnet but also seems to attract those who are clearly the most perfect parents and feel better from having no empathy and judging others to be lacking (and yes no doubt I will get a flaming but I wont engage with it. As a send mum I am used to the judgement but know I am working my damned hardest to support my kids).

Possibly one of the first things to look at is whether it is a meltdown or tantrum. If it is a tantrum it will stop the second you get her out, if it is a meltdown it takes longer for that stress reaction to get out the system. Of it is a tantrum it is more around behaviour but still warrants a look at what is causing the distress, if it is a meltdown it is a biological reaction of fight flight freeze. What is it about the pushchair causing distress. It is a very sensory thing with not being able to move which can be a way kids regulate. Does she struggle with overwhelm when out and being in the pushchair means she is further away and actually wants to be carried not to be lazy but to be nearer you? If sensory read up about how to fulfill her other sensory cups to regulate her. Are there places she struggles more? Eg crowded places, shops, parks etc. My youngest did not cope with a pushchair or car seat as he needs to move constantly but sour or icy food overrode that. He struggled with bright lights, crowds and the noise in shops but was fine running around an open area. I'm jot suggesting your child has additional needs but it can be the same for neurotypical kids that there are triggers. My other child had poor proprioception so struggled with the feel of being on a scooter but was OK on a balance bike with feet flat on the floor.

Id suggest building things up slowly and keeping them short, having a clear I am going in this shop to buy and then we will... you can do a visual of what will happen to make it predictable.

It is hard and again if neurotypical this isnt forever and is just a really hard stage to survive. But you have got this and don't beat yourself up. Shop online if needed and focus on the must do things rather than stressing x

You need two kinds of straps.
Use the ones in the actual pushchair, and put another set on her before she gets in the pushchair. You then attach them to the D rings. That's what they're for.

She won't be able to twist round then.

And ignore the screaming completely. Just tune it right out. She'll stop when she sees it isn't having an effect on you.

You're letting her win. If you need to go out, you don't let toddlers win this one. You're the adult.

Sounds tough but just remember everything's a phase and it will change! DD went through a phase of screaming bloody murder in her car seat so we didn't go out in the car unless we absolutely had to for six months or so. Told friends and family they had to come to me etc. If going out in the car works better for you for now, I'd do that, why make your life harder.

Is she ready for a Micro Scooter having said that? DD really loved hers and it made getting about much easier and quicker. Got her a basket on the front to put random rocks and leaves in and a helmet with a unicorn horn on.

Yes, but if you were consistent that would stop. It's because she knows you'll give in it's so bad.

I had one who loathed the pushchair.

I know it's not what you want to hear but it really is about a short-term investment of time, annoyance and discomfort for all involved.

Tighten the straps/use the reins so she can't throw herself about - it can/should be like the car seat.

Be annoyingly, incredibly consistent. She has two choices. Walk or pushchair. Get in the pushchair, get a treat. Throw yourself around, get ignored. Make a fuss, get asked: do you want to walk? Then lather, rinse, repeat.

You need to put aside time to do this in a way where you're not going to feel massive time pressures or that you're inflicting yourself on others too much. Outdoors somewhere with a path like big park/recreation ground etc is ideal.

I can totally sympathise as my child was the same as a toddler. Even if I did manage to get him strapped into to the pushchair arms flailing and straps as tight as possible, he’d still manage to contort himself out. I had to accept him walking slowly (he wanted to push the pushchair himself) or quite often, carry him. No amount of bribery or firm words made any bit of difference.

@TurquoiseKiss that was a timely reply! Thank you. She is actually walking nicely at the moment. Buttons are a good shout; she isn’t really the best eater so she’s hard to motivate with snacks.

I’m not an inconsiderate arse so I’m not going to totally disregard other people’s enjoyment thanks @itsthetea , that’s just selfish. Like I say fair enough in an emergency but otherwise no.

Thanks @Soggydog . I do know most phases like this are very short lived (thankfully) they feel really horrible when you’re in them but actually when you look back don’t last long. My eldest used to tip the cat litter out. I’m not sure which is worse!

I’ve tried her balance bike again this morning and she’s just scared … hoping as she gets a bit taller she’ll find it easier. My ds loved his at two (and his scooter) but I can’t get DD into either. It will come though!

It's not you.

I also have a daughter who can happily undo the pushchair straps and slide out the front so that I would run her over if I didn't stop.

Or fling herself sideways so far that her head could crack onto the pavement or she tips the pushchair over sideways.

Unfortunately she is also an expert car seat escapert too - she will graze, bruise and hurt herself wriggling arms out of tight straps.

Some children hate being constrained so much, and have such anxiety about being forced that it really isn't an option.

I do think there is something to be said for alternative pushchair designs - try something with a deep seat, sat low to the floor and 5 point straps.

Other things that help:

We take the toy pushchair out and she pushes Teddy or dolly. Okay for relatively short distances.

Keep the pushchair facing me so so we can chat and sing

Offer snacks amd drinks when they are in (this is sort of bribery, but it's more about distraction and ensuring mine feels cared for, comfortable and remembered once in - she needs to feel that her needs are still met even when constrained)

Check they don't need the toilet. Mine wouldn't go in with a wet nappy or if she needed a wee, and now potty trained, won't go in or walk if she needs to go.

Favourite Teddy strapped inwith her.

Make sure they aren't getting too cold, too hot,or blinded by the sun in there. Again, it's the being trapped while uncomfortable that seems to create the anxiety for mine.

I've also have lots of conversations about being a big girl, too heavy for mummy to carry (hopefully haven't created and eating disorder etc). I now never ever carry her unless the situation is dangerous. (E.g. she is being silly in the middle of crossing the road)

The trikes with a handle?

Or a decent back carrier. Not the bulky kind but more like the Tula style .

Or a better buggy and buggy board (you'll get it second hand). Worst case you push your shopping child stands at back.

I had to take my son a three mile round trip to pre school but it's a nice coastal path so no cars for majority of it. I got him a scooter and when he got tired he held onto the pram and I pulled him. It fitted underneath for me walking back.

My eldest was a pram refuser. We stopped using it just before she turned 2. We would do a lot of very slow walking and if we needed to go anywhere faster I’d pick her up and carry her on my shoulders. There’s a trick to getting them up and down but once you master it, it’s easy. Also I had to be prepared with a backpack as I needed both hands free to hold her legs.

when she was 4, her baby sister came along and she was suddenly desperate to be back in the pram!

Also if your child is undoing their car seat that is absolutely grounds to spank.

I think almost all mums have been there at some point, OP.
I have strong memories of struggling to get the kids on the pushchair, or of them throwing themselves on the floor screaming instead of walking. Of the disapproving looks from strangers.
Remember: this too shall pass.

Really it boils down to push chair, trike or similar or walking.
At the moment your daughter knows if she screams she gets her own way, this isn’t a good thing for your sanity long term!

I used a mix of bribery, trickery and if necessary force. Line up something she likes that’s really close by - feeding the ducks, going to the sweet shop whatever- then give her the choice, walk or pram. Perhaps drive to “near” the park then walk the rest, to get her used to it slowly.
Invest in some good reins to prevent bolting and which will double up as extra straps for the pram.
Also the back packs that double as reins are good, my grandkids could be bribed to wear them as teddy could go too.

Finally, if your pushchair is that unstable she can almost tip it over, you need a bigger wider wheelbase one(which would probably be more comfy.

I feel your pain. I feel like those saying ‘ignore the screams’ is well and good in practice, but I have a 1.5 year old who will keep on screaming for over an hour. We’ve been persistent thinking she would learn, but she is so incredibly strong willed, she doesn’t eventually calm down and give in. Shes often too distressed for snacks / bribery etc to work.

Unfortunately no real advice from me, just a note to say you’re not alone and different temperaments of children mean not all strategies work the same way.

Ps my daughter was also an escape artist. She was very bendy so did the frog legs and pushed up and out.

I had a very sturdy but small folding Brittax b smart (bought second hand for about £30). It had a massive seat and sometimes I let her stand backwards holding on (she had reins and I looped them over my wrist). Probably not ideal but it did work!

She did become a good walker early.

You do realise that spanking children is as illegal as not using the car seat in the UK?

You do realise that not every user is in the UK? Obviously if you’re somewhere it’s illegal then you mustn’t do it. 🙄

No it's not. Maybe it should be, but it isn't except in Scotland and Wales.

Scooter? Or don't strap her in the push chair get a bar instead

I also have 2 pushchairs (the light weight one she can tip and a wider heavier one from the travel system). Choosing which pushchair we take can help, but obviously I sometimes have a preference. The lightweight one is rubbish on mud.

Would she go on a buggy board standing up rather than being seated in the pushchair?

Hi I had this. Not for that long maybe 2 months. I carried him, let him toddle, carried him. It was slow but the screaming in the pram exhausted me. In the end I went to toddler groups and soft play for a few months until he calmed down and would get in the pram. My back hurt & I got screamed at. Not a time I’d like to repeat. You have my sympathies.