How socially-acceptable was smacking children in the 70s/80s/90s?

[WickedLabubus]

I was born mid eighties. As a child, my siblings and I were smacked quite a bit (as in once-twice a week) by our dad. It was always on the bum and only if we had done something naughty. However, it was painful and usually left a mark. This happened for most of my childhood and didn’t stop until moved away for university in the 00s.

If its relevant, I grew up in a working class northern town. I’d say that 50% of my friends in primary and secondary school were also smacked at home.

These days, I work adjacent to safeguarding, where smacking and the like are taken very seriously. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem as common these days.

it has got me thinking though, was my childhood abnormal or has smacking just become drastically unacceptable in a very short space of time?

As a child in the 60s my mother used to smack me if I had done something exceptionally naughty or stupid, although my dad never smacked me. I was also given a smack on the face by the headmistress of my junior school after doing something naughty. I think it was pretty normal in those days.

Coincidentally we were talking about this yesterday.

70’s and early 80’s…

• DM hit me so hard my chair toppled over
• DM demanded that I gave her the hard baseball bat that my brother and I were fighting over, and hit both of us with it, across our bare legs
• Age seven, my class teacher slapped me across my bare legs, for talking when walking back from assembly
• In assembly at junior school, we witnessed pupils (boys in these cases) being caned and them trying not to cry afterwards
• I was hit on the forehead by a wooden board rubber, thrown by a class teacher at another pupil
• A class teacher screamed at us all to be quiet and slammed her hand do hard on one of the small ones of glass in the Victorian classroom door, that her hand went right through it
• Children frequently slapped on the back of the hand by class teachers.

I was born in 1972. I was smacked once around 4-5yrs old by my mother as I’d ignored her warnings. I was shocked & ran crying to my father. He comforted me but did say that I must’ve been really naughty if my mother smacked me & he agreed with her judgement.
I was never smacked again. If I was playing up then there would be a look or my name said very low.
If I was being a real pain in the butt then there was a hand on my shoulder & ‘Young Lady…’ whispered in my ear which was enough to make me behave.
They were fair with me despite having short tempers with each other…!

Born in 81 my mom smacked us and I would say that was fairly normal at that time. My dad however was abusive, it wasn’t normal what he did. Since been a young adult I have known this without asking Mumsnet. I’m sure deep down you must know of it was normal or not.

My friends and I (all middle class 90s kids) were all smacked. Bottoms mainly or back of legs. Did me no harm genuinely! Wouldn’t do it to my kids but think it was just the early 90s.

I’m an early 80’s kid and I was leathered on many occasions. By today’s standards, and I have a 15 and 10 year old, it wasn’t necessarily warranted. My mum used to be able to hit a running target with a shoe. I remember coming home from school and my sister was being throttled by my dad then slapped by my mum because she lied about going to a sports practice they wanted her to go to and she went to a drama club instead. My mum has always had mental health issues, and now I’m 45 I am able to see our childhood and the way we’re were treated wasn’t right at all. My mum is narcissistic and everything was for show and we were her monkeys. It was never about us but how her and my dad looked to their friends. Despite doing well for ourselves, we always came under criticism and as of two months ago went no contact. They have left a lot of emotional damage which me and my beautiful sister are currently navigating together.

I was born early 50s had kids in the 70s. Smacking was uncommon in the70s , neither I or any of my friends smacked our children . I didn't know anyone who did . We had all learned that it was ineffective and also demeaning to hit children , the thought of smacking a teenage girl on the bottom is a bit disturbing. Has the op spoken to her father about it , he needs confronting about this very uncomfortable behaviour.

Yes. Born in the 60s. Mum would lash out with a quick slap on arms or legs. Dad would use the belt. At junior school kids would get cane, or a blackboard eraser lobbed at them , or grabbed by the arm and flung on the floor. Not constantly, obvs but it did happen and TBH it terrified me but it was kinda the norm. Never smacked my own child - by then we had realised how wrong it was

Yet I wrote a post, above, giving examples of my class teacher smacking me, my mum doing the same and the public canings carried out on primary aged children by the headteacher.

I was born in the late 90s and was smacked quite frequently by my childminder in the 00s but I don’t remember any marks lasting past the end of the day, it was just enough to sting and go red for a bit and nothing more. I think it was getting a lot less common then but it wasn’t exactly frowned upon. My parents never did it (and didn’t know about it at the time) but I know quite a few people my age who were smacked by their parents, my DH included. Certainly, though, it would have been very unusual for a teenager to still be getting smacked - that sounds bizarre to me.

For context, I grew up in quite an insular, working-class town in the North of England. I think parenting styles were pretty “old-fashioned” for most people I grew up with.

Born in 1981, sister in 1982 and youngest born in 1988. Youngest was never smacked, Myself and other sister regularly smacked by our mother, never our father.

Our mother used to regularly tell how she was beaten by her father and how awful it was, she didn't get the irony.

I was born 1980. My DF smacked me when I was about 13. Shocked me. I was doing something very annoying at the time. My DM hit me once with a belt but she was bat shit crazy. So it was quite rare. I went to private school and the headmaster slipper probably stopped in the early 80s too.

I was smacked once on the bottom by a teacher when I was 5. That was so fucking wierd. I was talking rubbish and couldn't do a maths problem. After that I used to hide under the tables and piss around. No teacher smacked us after that.

I saw friends getting smacked and being threatened to be smacked in the street right through the 80s. I was smacked. It never bothered me, nor did it have the desired impact.
I don't remember my nephews who were 90s babies ever being threatened the same way.

Born late 79 and we (my siblings and I all girls) were routinely beaten in talking slaps so hard round the face you’d go flying. So many wallops to the legs that we would all be part of the “red hand gang” and she did it in public even as a teen if we “looked” a certain way - next thing you knew bang your head would be knocked off your shoulders.

She also hit me for the last time when I was 18 with my newborn baby in my arms. The smacking would happen at least 3-4 times a week my youngest sister and I are estranged from her and she can’t see what she has done wrong and our childhoods were Disney land everyday.

my dad never raised a hand to us, but after years and years of therapy I’ve come to not idolise him so much (he was my safe haven) and the only comfort in a traumatic and deeply abusive childhood (under the guise of “a smack never did me any harm” discipline)

it was common ish in my friends but only one family in our street were as nasty to their kids as my mother was (and there were other abuses going on in that household)

I do try to call it out if I see it nowadays but it’s very rare - I will never and have never hurt my boys and they are the most loving and respectful children and most importantly they still have a relationship with me when they aren’t dependant on me for their needs and I think that speaks volumes.

Late 80s baby, grew up in the 90s. I was smacked once - I managed to get my hand out of my mum's and ran to my dad across a busy road. He smacked me, mostly out of shock I think. I didn't run across a road again though! I vaguely remember it but it's not a bad memory for me, it's just a memory.

I don't think parents who smack very rarely out of shock or desperation are awful people. There's a vast difference between that and regular sustained beatings with implements.

I'm curious to how normal it is now, rarely see it in public these days but I do know one that does smack their 5 yr old.
Out walking my dog one day and did see a mum wallop her child ( pre schooler in a push chair. ) My dog was outraged, stopped sat down watching and refused to leave until she knew child was OK. The mum started yelling at me, thinking I was judging/ watching, I did but Ddog was more and shes too big to pick up! 🙈😂

They still used canes on children in the late 70s early 80s in schools so im guessing it was pretty common. And people still do it now just hide it

Are you in the UK? If yes, please please please report the person hitting a 5 year old!!!

@WickedLabubusDoctors and teachers know, parent admits to it. Child already on radar for behaviour/send issues.
Currently i believe its still legal as 'reasonable chastisement'? Whether I agree or not with parents, I'd rather parents open about it, its easier to make other suggestions on different approaches. I've provided Internet resources, I've got books but parents unlikely ( severely dyslexic) to read them.

I was born in the early 90s and never smacked. I remember having a conversation with my friends when were in our early 20s and they were all smacked as children. I was really shocked. Im not sure of the severity for them but it still surprised me.
I think hitting a child (because that’s what it is, smacking is just almost a cover word) is always wrong. It’s nasty, teaches the wrong “lesson” and shows that someone can’t control their temper.
the “I turned out alright” generation need to wake up a bit.
not smacking a child doesn’t mean you don’t discipline them (time outs, take toys away, can’t go out to play with friends etc.)
OP, as some have commented, did you mean you were smacked until you reached 18? What kind of relationship do you have with your parents now?

Born in 1966 and smacked until I was about 8 or 9 (& had generally been naughty) mainly by my dad who had a bit of a temper (It made me dislike him well into my teens) I was also smacked on the hand with a ruler at primary school. Both of these scenarios were pretty commonplace during this period I feel.

My husband and I did not smack our son. We always felt that the concept of smacking children was because a parent had lost their temper and needed to assauge that rather than anything else.

77 baby here. I was regularly smacked or "given a crack" or a "skutch" by my mum. It was very normal round my way for kids to get hit if they had misbehaved or talked back.

It's normal for primate species to discipline children with physical punishments though so I have very mixed feelings on the subject of smacking. Some kids absolutely need a good hiding...

I only ever smacked once, as I said upthread, when DS set fire to the front room. He unclipped and opened the fireguard and put paper on the fire, then dropped the burning paper!) That one occasion was so memorable I never needed to resort to it again, the 'look' did enough and a stern 'do not do that'
Before that occasion I spent most of my time trying to stop him causing himself or anyone else injury. Strangely, he was easy to teach things to, as incredibly intelligent, but was very hard work, pushed every boundary and I became very shouty which is no better.
I've seen 'take toys, no bedtime story, play with friends, time out' as punishments. That would not have had any effect on DS, he wouldn't have given one jot at any of those. If none of that works, and your child does something that is over the edge what are the 'big guns' in your arsenal?
Suggestions might help the mother I know as her child is similar. I'm 30 years out of date on parenting advice.

There's no such thing as a good hiding.
I was thrown across rooms,punched ,kicked,slapped,had my spine slammed into a door post.
And it did do me harm which I've came to terms with lately through counselling..50 years later.

we got smacked in the 1970s. By our mum: slapped on the top of our arms usually, or back of thighs; had my mouth washed out with a bar if soap, a sister and I had our heads banged together once or twice. Dad: at night when we were laughing talking instead of sleeping, his belt or the wooden spoon BUT we were under layers of blankets! The spoon actually broke once , my sisters and I creased up laughing. But we never saw our parents as aggressive, which is weird. On the whole they weren’t aggressive, and my dad in particular was a loving father. My mum was fair and perfunctory and helpful. We had far more punch ups between us as siblings. If it were now, we’d all have been taken into ‘care’, justly so.