Devastated by HSV2 infection and want to end it

[sadflowerfox]

Well…I guess the title says it all. I just need some help and perspective on this dreadful situation. 😭

I slept with two people - one on the 20th Oct and the other on 25th. Used condoms with both, but the first guy as he pulled out the condom rolled off. Luckily all contents were in there but was definitely skin on skin most likely with a lot of friction.

On the 1st Nov, start to get mild symptoms but on the 2nd Nov that’s when I started itching and noticed sores. Had a look and to my horror I knew straight away what it was. I am going through my first known outbreak now, and although it’s not as bad as what others have experienced, the mental toll it is taking on me is next level. I have not stopped crying about it. Lost half a stone in weight, can’t sleep and feel like my life is over. I spent all my time researching until my eyes bleed on potential cures, vaccines and everything in between.

I can’t stop blaming myself for this. I was raped two years ago and since then my behaviour with men has been all over the place.
The first guy (where condom rolled off) had sex with me like I was a rag doll and it was horrible and disgusting. I should have told him to leave. I let him use me like a toy and didn’t have the strength to save no when I was laying down. Felt like he actively wanted to give me something to be honest. I feel sick and violated. I don’t want to take medication for the rest of my life as it will be a constant reminder of this and the psychological association with it all. I hate when people say it’s just a skin condition. It has damaging effects on people and changes people’s lives. I hate that not more has been done to cure or tackle this. I think having a HIV diagnosis would be easier in all honesty. At least people can now take vaccines against it and one tablet for complete suppression, plus gene therapy for complete elimination soon.

I want to disappear and never look back. I genuinely don’t think I can cope with this.

I'm sorry this has happened to you op, especially with your history

Practically, have you been to your local sexual health clinic? Gron reading. The NHS advice about this it seems the first outbreak is always the worst. It would really be worth speaking to a medical professional about this to see what you should be doing.

Have you had any counselling about your attack? It might be worth looking into given what has recently happened and how it has affected you.

I'm sorry this has happened, I hope seeing a Dr can help.

You can cope with it - be reassured of that. But it's new, it's only just appeared and you're reeling. We would all feel exactly the same in this moment. I know a few friends with this, and they felt just like you when it first appeared. Years later, it's just a blip and doesn't dominate their lives at all. Normal sex lives, partners, kids etc. The people in your future won't care as much as you feel they will right now. It's not as big a deal as you think it is right now. That's a promise.

Also, don't blame yourself. Without getting into a deep discussion about whether one of these men knew they were contagious (and certainly not trying to gloss over your feelings of violation) - this was a statistical chance and pure bad luck. Everyone having sex with another person with or without a condom runs a risk of picking this up. The fact you did is bad luck. Not bad judgement. Definitely not your fault. The only sure fire way to avoid this risk is to live your life as a nun. Very few people do that!

Be kind to yourself ❤️

I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. It’s not your fault in any way, you are still the pure beautiful you. I think HSV2 is actually pretty common, I’ve got a couple of friends who have it, and I think it’s something like 1 in 10 people in the UK. I think it’s quite manageable. I completely understand how you feel, it’s horrible, try and accept and love yourself without self blame.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I know how you feel and all the thoughts that will be swimming through your head right now.

Please, if you haven't already done so, get yourself to a sexual health clinic so you can get the right diagnosis and medication to help you right now. As pps have said, the first outbreak is the worst.

Please also stop googling everything and anything about it. I know the temptation is there but I promise you that it's not helpful right now. The stuff out there online is wild and does not represent the reality for many many many people with hsv2 at all.

I contracted it nearly 20 years ago. My first outbreak was horrific. Since then I've had maybe 10 outbreaks over 20 years and most were mild. It doesn't impact my life, I don't need to take suppression medication, it does not define who I am. I'm telling you this because there are lots and lots of people like me.

Your life is not over. You can get through this, I know you can because I did too. Sending you lots of love and support right now whilst you're feeling so vulnerable.

Sweetheart, this part is so awful isn’t it. I slept with someone once after a 10 year relationship and caught it. I do take the daily suppression but not sure if I actually need to. I was diagnosed in 2019 and haven’t had any signs of outbreak since 2020. I’ve since started a new relationship and have had another baby ♥️. Its a complete non issue now x

Op do you think the first guy triggered you? Have you had therapy for the rape? Go to a sexual health clinic for advice. It sounds like health anxiety. A lot of people have it and don’t know they have it. I got it and I was married for years. The first outbreak was the worst. I take vitamin b12. Hardly get outbreaks only if rundown.

It’s soooo so common OP. You will know many people who have it. If it was on your face (arguably worse) you wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I know so many people with HSV2 and they’re just the honest ones.
please get some therapy. Your mental health can and will get better ❤️

Condoms don't just roll off. He stealthed you.

This is rape because you didn't consent to sex without a condom. It's recognised as rape.

You should seek help and support on the basis of understanding this.

Thank you everyone for your replies, they mean a lot to me ❤️ and apologises for the late reply. I am currently undergoing counselling for the assault but that’s emotionally very difficult and now I have to deal with this :(

I guess if I can find a small positive in any of this is I have lost half a stone in weight and I’m eating more healthy. Since having this outbreak, I’ve also been taking antivirals, Vit C, Zinc, L-lysine etc and I’m currently on day 6/7. I guess I’m “lucky” that this first outbreak hasn’t been as bad as what I have previously read online, but last night my body was tingling all over. I could literally feel this horrible virus inside me and felt like it was taking over. Ugh!

Are more milder or quicker healing first outbreaks a sign of future ones? I’m still trying to gather all the information I can and praying with everything I have no more outbreaks.

To be honest, I can’t believe I have this. I’m 40 and peri. In my 20’s I had a very healthy, active sex life and wasn’t exactly careful at all the time. Never caught anything whilst everyone else around me had something. Naively I thought I must be immune or something. I couldn’t understand it.

Regarding the condom roll off. The guy was on top and he was very rigorous and rough. It was horrible to be honest. As he pulled out the condom came off with him. I didn’t really see it but he did notice and grabbed it. Luckily everything was contained inside thank God. I can’t go around pointing fingers but I guess he gave it to me but nothing I can do about it now. I just feel so bloody anger and upset 😒. How can one stupid encounter change the course of how I live my life? How am I meant to disclose this (I am thinking of being single and celibate forever ). I can’t face telling any future partner out of shame and guilt.

I feel like I am grieving my past life and desperate to turn the clock back. I can’t believe there is not a cure for this or better treatment. I could deal with it if it was a one time thing like chickenpox or shingles and knew it was never to come back but it does.

Sorry for the long reply, I am still reeling from it all…

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time OP.

Please try and let go of the guilt and shame. You did absolutely nothing wrong; you've just been unlucky. You aren't tainted. You're just one of millions of perfectly normal, decent people who have a virus (just like the millions of normal, decent people with cold viruses and other viruses). There is no moral angle to it; it's just a virus which doesn't discriminate and which you've been unlucky in getting.

Your life isn't over. One day, when you think about it it won't give you any horrible feelings at all. It will just be one of those things, one facet of life. Not a big, new, scary thing. Time will let it settle into its proper place and perspective, and it won't dominate your thoughts any longer.

I understand exactly how you are feeling. It’s a real shock finding out you have this, and it’s hard to accept.

I had the same thoughts you are having right now, thinking no one will ever want me again, feeling ashamed.

Time heals! I can’t remember the last time I had an outbreak, when I have disclosed, it’s always been fine. Have a partner and DC too, now I don’t even really think about it.

I hope you recover from your outbreak quickly, and hope the counselling gives you the support you need to heal from the rape. I’m really sorry this has happened to you ❤️

Do you know it’s HSV2 and not 1?

I have 2 (weirdly only on my shoulder and not my genitals) and take Valtrex continuously to suppress it and have zero outbreaks.

you may have 1 which has far fewer outbreaks in general. But even if it is 2, you can take something to stop it (the Gp will prescribe aciclovir but I couldn’t get on with it - Valacyclovir (Valtrex) you can get via Superdrug)

(I went through a phase of getting outbreaks monthly - but wanted to reassure you that there is something you can do)

It will be HSV2 as I don’t really like oral and the last time someone gave me oral was back in March of last year, and before that probably some 20 years ago.

I’m on aciclovir currently but may switch to the other brand for one tablet a day. I’ve heard the first year is the worst for outbreaks but then they settle down and become much less frequent.

I’m also hopeful better treatment options become available or a therapeutic vaccine which I know are in the works.

It can still be 1 as people get 1 on their genitals and then spread it like that. It only makes a difference knowing in terms of the outbreaks. Valtrex is expensive but it makes a huge difference and it works really well. Good luck to you. FWIW, I have been with my partner now for 6 years and despite having unprotected sex, he has never picked it up from me as I’ve been on Valtrex for most of that time.

Oh I see what you mean. That’s interesting I didn’t think of it like that. So just because nobody gave me oral sex, a genital lesion on someone’s genitals could still be HSV-1 given someone else had given them oral sex and a cold sore was transmitted from their mouth to that person's genitals.

Well, honestly I hope that is the case as I have heard outbreaks are far less frequent when they repeat which would be a blessing given how I am currently feeling.

I’m going to the clinic tomorrow. Feel so low still and can’t shake this feeling :(

Did they go down on you?

They've told all their partners before sex and haven't been dump? I've been dumped by everyone

Yes I have hsv1 everywhere - lips genitals etc

Shoulder? Wow that's crazy.

I can't offer any medical advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry for all that's happened to you. Please look into the right kind of therapy to explore why you feel you are making wrong choices re sex. What you want is always fine but if it's bothering you..

Take this as your sign to seek help and choose better life choices.

You can’t be sure who gave it to you. Maybe it was the second person or someone prior to both of them. What’s important now is that you get the right support x

I can assure you that you can live with it. if you have a regular partner, you can get around this. When you settle down, you will find that attacks will become less and less frequent. It's one of those things that, with correct advice, you can ensure you don't have frequent attacks. also, go to a GU clinic, ask for the cream I find, as soon as I get a tingle, put it on, and it does most of the time stop it from developing. I was given it by my 1 husband.
I do not want to turn this into a thread about me, but I also was raped, you cannot deal with it alone. You need to talk this over with someone, ask your GP for counselling, but in the meantime, please ring the Samaritans if it all gets too much or even pm me.
Don't let these men use you;, they will hurt you and make you feel like shit. They just use no is not in their vocabulary so they will force you into all sorts of things like anal, choking, etc.
sending you a gentle hug

I only ever get it on my lower back. I don't know whether it is 1 or 2.

First one I knew about I had already been married for 2 years. First one he knew about was about 2 years later and he has never had it since. So neither of us know who gave it to the other. Mine has got less frequent since being on HRT.