Devastated by HSV2 infection and want to end it

[sadflowerfox]

Well…I guess the title says it all. I just need some help and perspective on this dreadful situation. 😭

I slept with two people - one on the 20th Oct and the other on 25th. Used condoms with both, but the first guy as he pulled out the condom rolled off. Luckily all contents were in there but was definitely skin on skin most likely with a lot of friction.

On the 1st Nov, start to get mild symptoms but on the 2nd Nov that’s when I started itching and noticed sores. Had a look and to my horror I knew straight away what it was. I am going through my first known outbreak now, and although it’s not as bad as what others have experienced, the mental toll it is taking on me is next level. I have not stopped crying about it. Lost half a stone in weight, can’t sleep and feel like my life is over. I spent all my time researching until my eyes bleed on potential cures, vaccines and everything in between.

I can’t stop blaming myself for this. I was raped two years ago and since then my behaviour with men has been all over the place.
The first guy (where condom rolled off) had sex with me like I was a rag doll and it was horrible and disgusting. I should have told him to leave. I let him use me like a toy and didn’t have the strength to save no when I was laying down. Felt like he actively wanted to give me something to be honest. I feel sick and violated. I don’t want to take medication for the rest of my life as it will be a constant reminder of this and the psychological association with it all. I hate when people say it’s just a skin condition. It has damaging effects on people and changes people’s lives. I hate that not more has been done to cure or tackle this. I think having a HIV diagnosis would be easier in all honesty. At least people can now take vaccines against it and one tablet for complete suppression, plus gene therapy for complete elimination soon.

I want to disappear and never look back. I genuinely don’t think I can cope with this.

How are you getting on now @sadflowerfox

I have 1 I think, rather than 2. I had one outbreak when I first got it 13 years ago and haven’t had another outbreak since. Hopefully it is the same for you.

@Troubler doing much better thank you. I still don’t know if I have this for certain or not, as swabs were negative, a condom was used but sores were not fresh when swabbed. As far as I know, I’ve had no outbreaks since and I’m a very stressy person - late nights, lots of chocolate, been eating nuts and nothing since as far as I’m aware. All the nerve pain has completely disappeared - and did so when the clinic told me that I had tested negative and I stopped taking the antivirals.I do get the odd stab of pins and needles in my foot though.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for suspected folliculitis that I’ve had for 2 years and I’m going to show them the pictures of this suspected herpes outbreak and get their opinion on things. I still think it’s all very suspicious though - flu-like symptoms beforehand, thick discharge, sores etc that took 2-3 weeks to heal. Plus the timing was spot on for an outbreak after a sexual encounter.

If I get another sore, I’m going straight to the clinic this time, no messing about. I think after a year though, if I don’t get another outbreak maybe I don’t have this (or at least not hsv2?)

I can see someone has already suggested shingles, but before I read your most recent update and you were describing the symptoms, it sounded like shingles to me. I’ve asked Google, and it says you can get shingles on the genital area. It could well have been that.

@sadflowerfoxso pleased you’re doing better. Yes see what the doctor says. The good news is that even if you do have it, it hasn’t recurred which is great.