Guest says I starved her <shock>

[stringsoup]

Had a relative to stay for a few days, she just wanted to eat all time which we did not expect. I had cooked and baked which she ate (way more than us) then she said she wanted to get up in the night as she was so hungry!

Food aside - did you have a nice time together? Enjoy one another’s company? Laugh together? Chatted?

I agree.

Some people like to graze though, quite honestly, I'd have thought she'd have exercised self control in someone else's house or bought snacks to eat in privacy of bedroom.

If I'm reading your update correctly, she's coming to you because it's convenient for her.

IMO if you know someone well enough to ask them to host you, then you should also know them well enough to say:

'Hey, mind if I make a bit more toast / have a pack of crisps. I've been a bit hungrier than usual recently.'

or

'Mind if I have another spud with dinner?'

OTOH if I was going to stay at someone's house because it suited me, I'd at the very least take some wine / a gift and offer some kind of contribution (bringing a nice pudding, cooking one evening, take-away, whatever).

I think personally the thing that would have annoyed me in your shoes isn’t the amount that she expects to eat but that she’s complained after the fact rather than just asking for something at the time

Next time he comes, arm yourself with loaves and fishes.
😂

@stringsoupgiven your update it sounds like you have been extremely hospitable and your cousin sounds happy enough to use your hospitality regularly, yet be rude enough to complain to others.
Surely if she needs more she could bring snacks, provide a meal etc. It’s the decent thing to do as a guest!

The rule in my house is i will make lunch and dinner for guests.

The rest of the time people are free to go and help themselves to anything they want. At any time.

I have a toddler and ill be damned if im going to spend the whole time in the kitchen every time someone is a bit peckish.

That seems reasonable to me. Do you know what she usually eats? It might not be that she was hungry but maybe missing her normal diet and mistaken it for hunger.

My parents aren't mean with food portions, my mother would feed me with a shovel if she could😂Their diet is very different to mine though. I'm not hungry but start to crave my favourite foods

This, very much.

There's quite a big difference between someone asking a relative or friend if they'd like to come & visit for a few days, and another between someone being asked if they can put somebody up for a few nights.

OP is putting herself out for the convenience of her cousin, and from the sound of it that isn't that infrequent a thing if she's been recently and is due back again shortly. Inviting guests to stay for a special event or as a holiday, and being used as a free B&B, have completely different dynamics.

For example I often don't eat breakfast in the mornings as eating early can make me sick, and if I do eat it will be just toast or maybe a small bowl of porridge. If I had invited someone to stay for our mutual pleasure I would check what they normally ate for breakfast & make sure it was available and I may even cook it for them. But if (as has happened in the past) a friend who had moved away and asked to use my home as their base when going out visiting other friends & family every day, I'd try to ensure there was plenty of what they wanted around but I wouldn't be cooking them a full English - they can do that themselves if they want it.

Equally I'd ask in advance if there was anything they didn't like or couldn't eat & not offer that for a meal, but otherwise I'd tell them what I was planning & ask would they like to join me. I would make sure that they knew exactly what was available & where to find it, where any required cooking utensils etc were and so on. If they were staying as an invited guest I would plan meals around them, if they invited themselves then I wouldn't.

In the same vein, if I'd asked someone to stay for our mutual pleasure I'd book time off work & plan going out etc, but there's no way would I be making them cooked breakfast & planning time around them if they were just there as a convenience for them.

She actually said those words! Jeez. How bloody rude. You’d already told her to not be shy and help herself. I think she’d be getting the sharp end of my tongue as afters! Don’t invite her over again, OP. I’m still gobsmacked she said that.

That's loads of food. I have a healthy appetite, but would find that too much food.

I wouldn't call that amount of food as from someone with a small appetite.

It will be portion sizes.
My SIL hosts Christmas sometimes. Gorgeous home made food but based on her appetite which is tiny.
It's a standing joke among DH and our DC that you will come away hungry. There was one occasion we were serving roast potatoes from serving dishes and they ran out after DS2 had got his 3 roasties. It turned out there was one small potato per person.

You need to read OP 's update.

That is a LOT of food.

How were you to know that she was so greedy?

HRTFT. I always do family service and over cater when we have guests. Any leftovers are easily used up later. I don't think having a small apetite is a reason to starve your guests either. Surely you noticed they were eating whatever was put in front of them and much more than you.
Unless they're eating massive amounts and are morbidly obese I'd err on the side of caution and always cook far more than normal. I'd hate to be labelled stingy.

I like this idea. As a guest I always pop a pot noodle and some cereal bars into my bag in case I find a mismatch in between my appetite and theirs (and there often is). I also take some cakes/biscuits along for the host and offer to pay for a meal out during my stay.

@AquaForce

yeah OP’s guest is eating tons of food, most people don’t eat that much

To be honest I kind of get what your guest means.

All of this food sounds nice and would keep me full.

However I think I’d crave some proper food, it seems a bit snacky/liquid based? I’ve basically been eating soup all week and I’m a bit ravenous even though I’m full. Like I need something that’s a bit more substantial. But if I was just staying with someone for a few days, I wouldn’t complain at all about the food you provided

'i'd be marvin'

😂

That sounds like me - but definitely not the MN norm!

This is my mother in law. She eats like a sparrow and doesn't realise that younger people have much larger appetites. To make matters worse, she always comments on people's portion sizes. It's exhausting!

I don't think I have ever been under catered for when staying with friends or family. I have never felt the need to take extra supplies.

She was rude to make that comment to your sister-what did she expect in your house, a constant buffet?

You provided very adequate food and if she’s used to scoffing thousands of calories daily, then she’ll need to bring some snacks next time.

I’ve also been hungry a couple of times staying with people especially when I was younger and had a fast metabolism. It wasn’t that they didn’t feed me, I just burnt it up quickly! As an adult, I got myself some more food, end of story.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

if there’s often a mismatch maybe it’s your eating that’s a bit out of the norm?