Guest says I starved her <shock>

[stringsoup]

Had a relative to stay for a few days, she just wanted to eat all time which we did not expect. I had cooked and baked which she ate (way more than us) then she said she wanted to get up in the night as she was so hungry!

I'm sorry, but it feels like such a waste of time discussing a problem with you. I have no wish to split hairs with someone so pedantic.

I wouldn't rely too much on third party feedback really. Maybe your cousin mentioned that they woke up in the night feeling peckish and your sister wanted to have a dig at you for something unrelated. It happens.
Or your cousin has her own menu of preferred foods but your extensive larder didn't have those.F or example ,I have a dairy intolerance and IBS. I try not to make a fuss ( since it's interminably boring) when visiting and can pick out things I can eat if given a choice. But I would have struggled to get a balanced meal out of your food listed.
However , I would perhaps have said something to you or brought my own milk and spread at least. She's a big girl and if she has a problem she should have said something when she was with you. On the next visit I would be tempted to be over apologetic for starving her and lay so much food on her at every turn just to see if she actually eats a lot.

People get food anxiety when away from home. I would consider doing a few jars of snacks and a cake station (single serve items like flapjacks or muffins) left out for her visit.

I tend to have small jars of nuts, breadsticks, and something sweet - together with little bowls, if I’m feeling fancy - for guests to help themselves to in the tv room. Then a covered plate of brownies or something in the kitchen, with napkins nearby.

It allows them more autonomy over eating, while reducing barriers to “help yourself”.

I’m glad you’ve found a possible solution going forward. Something crossed my mind that might give a different take on this. You said she is visiting for convenience. If she is there under less than happy circumstances she might be someone who eats more when stressed and / or comfort ears. That might explain why being provided with what would normally be sufficient food didn’t feel like enough. If that is likely she might not have been aware of it but if she was might not want to be open about it.
Telling your sister rather than you wasn’t helpful or fair. I hope your sister didn’t ask you not to mention their conversation and you will be able to broach

If it was a can of soup op… would you serve half a can per person or full can? Or would you ask their preference?

I would only ever serve homemade soup, no UPF's here

Are you sure she was being serious? I say this about my friend's catering, but it's obviously a joke as she always provides mounds of food. Maybe if someone overheard they wouldn't get the humour.

All right 🤣 it's a reasonable point and many others have made it, not just me. But you do you!

bet your cousin is on MN, and one of the posters who guffaw at the idea of eating a "salad" or a "soup" and find the idea of a big salad so hilarious. You found one! 😂

But if it was a can….

Don't worry about it, the food sounds plentiful. As an aside, I hate hosts that push food on you when you are full. I don't think I have a small appetite but some people seemed determined to make you eat more than you want to so they satisfy themselves they are a 'generous host'. I find that more annoying than being left a bit peckish - which I certainly wouldn't be if home made scones were available for a snack.

can the 'was she obese?' people just fuck off.

I'm 'obese' and what the OP put on is plenty of food, and actually more than i eat.

not everyone who is overweight is a binge eater who eats hoardes of food.

Maybe she likes UPFs, crisps, chocolate, chips and gravy etc and isn't used to healthy food like granola and homemade soups? She could always bring her own snacks though, I wouldn't dream of turning up empty handed either. I would ask her what she expects food wise and give her that.

Your post made me laugh because we once went to visit my sister in law and she very nicely said she would have dinner when we arrived. She had a pizza. 1 pizza for 10 people. 6 of them were preteens. They all had to split a piece of pizza. My sons were so polite, I was proud of them. However two of them were practically in tears at bedtime. We still talk about it.

She knows nothing like that is going to be served up here!

Maybe your sister was winding you up , as the list you provided on an update, plus the additional access to peanut butter, bread , beans etc. sounds like too much !

What?

It’s not your job to feed a guest IMO. Of course most people would include them in every meal but we live in a world where we can have food delivered at any time and unless immobile we can go to a local shop. You offered them anything in the house so it’s a them problem in my eyes. Did they lose all sense of how to feed themselves when they walked through your front door? And them saying they were hungry through the night is so rude! 😂 I can’t believe how many people have ‘guests’ to be honest. No one is coming to my house and moaning they haven’t had enough food. I would say something like ‘I like being thin so I eat the amount of calories my body needs in order to maintain a healthy weight but you were welcome to eat anything in the house as stated.’

porridge isn't a snack, nor is beans on toast (usually do 3 slices of toast) or Soup & Bread/Toast (my fave is a cupasoup with 2 slices of toast), they're all perfectly reasonable meals.

If you're qualifying them as a 'snack' then no wonder people are chronically overweight.. and i'm saying that as someone who is a size 26.

Uninvite her! Does she not know she can bring her own preferred snacks? You know, like most people do when they go anywhere!! I carry snacks for my kids all the time, nuts, popcorn, fruit etc isn’t hard to carry around and isn’t perishable for goodness sake!

That’s probably it then. I mean, I’m with you, I would prefer what you make. But if she’s used to the hit of crisps, chocolate, prepackaged snacks etc then she’s feeling the lack of them - that’s likely what she means when she says she felt starving. You know that sort of thing is addictive so that’s what was missing for her. Completely up to you what you do about it next time - you could get in this kind of stuff and say help yourself, or expect she’ll bring whatever she’s missing.

Im
astonished at the people saying soup and a scone with cereal for breakfast wouldn’t be enough!
I nearly always have soup and a scone or a couple of oatcakes for lunch. Yogurt and fruit for breakfast. I don’t snack between meals.

I would have been very happy with the food you provided.
In my personal experience, and I’m not saying being in your 70’s is old, but sometimes older people can be very set in their ways about their food- my mother for instance. Perhaps cousin can bring supply of her own special treats next time x

Just thinking the same. And I have young adult sons who would be ok with that menu. As long as they got seconds of curry.

Sounds like you provided plenty of food OP. I'd just make sure she knows where the extra food is next time, offer her seconds for every meal and let her get on with it.