Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

My kids aren't adults yet but this year the budget is £150. I'm not going to feel guilty about that. It's hardly a big deal not being able to spend tons. They can buy what they what with £100 and I'm spending the £50 on suprise bits. My 11 year old wants to go shopping and pick stuff. My 16 year old will just put it towards something he wants. It's hardly a big deal.

Hopefully your children will go on to have children if that’s what they want and then you can go back to buying loads of tat for your grandchildren

Life changes and this is part of the gradual development of different patterns. We got over the massive pile by early teens. My greater sadness is that the number of people we buy for has reduced as we have lost the generation above. I think that the ebb and flow of family plus the move away from overconsumption plus the COL may be the end of the pile of presents under the tree.
I do get why it feels hard as it is one of the stronger visual markers of Christmas, some of the other traditions are less visual.

The implication that you either gift a small amount or “piles of crap” is odd.

I get it totally @drivinmecrazy.
Its about them just not needing as much from you as before. In all ways. They are growing/grown up now. Mine are slightly older but the youngest is 23 and he told me not to spend anything on him this Xmas! But I told him they will both get the same amount given in cash and they can treat themselves.
I think this is the first year I won't do stockings. They both live away and just dont have space for crap they dont need. But seeing those empty stockings lying under the tree will break my heart!! They've had the same ones since they were born. I don't want to fill them with chocolate or silly gifts, they both run and go to the gym and dont want chocolate.
Anyway all im saying is I get you.

Again, why is the assumption “loads of tat”? Are people incapable of buying more than three things without straying into “tat” territory?

I agree. We've never given "tat"!

The OP literally said herself in her second post I think it was that her children have called her out on the “tat” she bought, she used the word first.

£200!!! Jesus that sounds incredibly generous for adult children. I would have spent that when they were kids but not now they are adults and have their own money to buy what they need.

They are ADULTS! Get a grip... 🙄🙄

It's normal the older you get, the less presents you receive. My son is 15, his present pile has decreased since he was younger. He has Aunts, Uncle and Grandparents who still buy for him, so he's not hard done by. At 20 and 24, I'd expect to be giving less presents, and the fact you have a healthy budget for both of your adult children is a bonus. Your children aren't little any more, they're adults, so they don't want as much. There's no point in buying them 'stocking fillers', they don't want, just to bulk the present pile out. It's a waste of money, time and effort. Your children are luckier than most. Enjoy the different stage of Christmas you are now in, with having adult children.

Maybe you could put together a couple of shoe boxes for the shoe Box Christmas appeal? That way, it’s not costing an arm and a leg but you’re still doing something special? X

YABVVVU OP and I assume you are attention seeking. If you are bored go and read a thread where people don't know how to put food on the table for their children as they have no money.

A lot (not all obviously) of the comments here are unnecessarily arsey and rude. The op is allowed to feel how she feels without being made to feel an idiot. Some of you need to wind your necks in.

Erm, they're not kids! 20 and 24 are fully grown adults.

No wonder young adults these days have so many problems when their parents still infantilise them like this.

I realise that, for you, it is about the passing of time and going back to a time that will never replay but it's not about the £ spent, it's about the time spent together. We were recently told to make the most of this Christmas as it will most likely be my child's last, he won't make double figures much less adulthood, I know I am not the only parent in that finds themself in this position with the festive season approaching.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and can forge some new, adult traditions to share together over the coming years.

Back in the day my Christmas was just 1 gift from parents and a small stocking. It’s gone silly really so think of it as a good thing, one special gift but lots of special memories. I am reducing this year, setting a budget on stockings and then 2 gifts.

The only other thing you could do which might fill the gap you’re feeling is an advent calendar. DD and I share a calendar taking it in turns to open the doors and then pool the items and pick our favs. There still mention beauty advents available and I expect some will start to be reduced.

Lego, a jellycat, pjs and a Pandora charm….so the exact same as an 11 years olds Xmas wish list?

Sounds as if these grown adults have been infantilised.

I have never spent two hundred pounds each on my kids for Christmas either when young or now when they are adults. Not because I don't want to treat them or think they deserve it but because that sort of money is rather out of reach and I have never believed in going into debt unless absolutely necessary.

I’m going to go against the crowd on this one.

I have adult kids. I spend more on them now than I ever did when they were toddlers. They want more expensive things (decent leather boots, a fancy bag) that they can’t afford for themselves and I can. So I buy it them for Christmas. They get something they love and can’t afford for themselves and I get the joy of seeing their faces when they open their gifts. Because their age doesn’t change the fact that they are still my children

and I understand that I am in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to do this, but I am in that position so why wouldn’t it? Better I gift it to them now then it goes the the taxman when I die. My financial advisor calls it estate planning. Give it to them tax free while you can. And I am going to embrace that philosophy and the pleasure it brings me.

Yes this would be a much more satisfactory way of getting your present buying fix.

There could very likely be a community charity near you that is desperate for donations of presents to give to families who won't get much. Or you could ask your local primary school. You could ask to speak to the inclusion lead or someone with a similar job title, they will definitely have kids they know of who will be getting nothing or close to nothing and might well welcome donations, especially if you have any links to the school. Your kids old school maybe?

Agree with this 👆 You are being utterly ridiculous. They are adults who can work and save up for what ever they desire.

What should a 20 year old want? Stout shoes and a set of Allen keys? God forbid anyone should enjoy anything post 18 on MN.

£200 is masses. If you want to get some little bits as well, then buy everyone a small stocking, and put small objects in there, but cheap, so socks, chocolate coins, chocolate orange , mini tub of pringles, a card game, but no tat. Buy the stockings small enough that you can't add loads of crap to them

I agree, it's just awful and so tasteless. Whatever happened to 'quality, not quantity'??