Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

Yes totally agree

it become silly

I think cash or vouchers are better or building up savings for them

When my kids reach that age I would get what I think they would like no list they are adults and 200 is good don’t they work ? Some things I read these days make no sense what so ever people have gone mad 🧐

Mine all get £50.

So why won't you do that? Why are your needs more important than theirs?

I think I got naff all for Christmas at that age and my parents could afford it. At that age your expectations should be given a short sharp shock. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they won’t.

I know, it's making me feel quite claustrophobic. What happens when these adults don't want to spend Christmas day at all with op?

Its hard to adapt when they are older. It still seems odd to me now that if any of them are at home for Christmas they don't get up and do their stocking until mid morning. Dh and I just sit about with nothing to do.
Every year I say they will get just one gift now...but it creeps up. But the things they ask for are more expensive...headphones for ds at £170 ( he's a musician) and a pair of trousers at £70. So nearly £250 but only 2 gifts to open. It's harder when they are adults when an expensive perfume or aftershave makes just one very small box under the tree.

My dc are 24 and 20. I give them a budget for their presents from us and then make up a stocking of other bits so that they have "surprises". Generally these are bits that I would probably buy for them anyway (both are students) - shower gel, pants, socks, few chocolate items, shampoo etc.
As you get older your present pile always gets smaller as the things you want tend to be more expensive.

Oh go cluck yourself! ...there are parents who are struggling to give their kids a Christmas and you're whining about only getting your 20yr+ children £200 worth of stuff? 🙄

I know each to their own and all and it’s totally up to people what they spend. But I get really angry about the excess of Christmas. I think it’s obscene and bad for children to come down to piles of presents.

I don’t give my kids coal and a satsuma but they get one gift each and a stocking (primary school age). It might be an expensive thing or not, depends on what they’ve got their eye on.

The whole matching pjs, Christmas Eve box and all the other extra stupid materialistic shit does not happen in my house!

i don’t know how we expect the next generation to learn about the value of money or not be spoilt brats when we carry on like this.

I have a friend who does what you do for your children, buys lots of presents I know she thinks are fun, always jazzes up the wrapping with unecessary bows/ribbons/tape, birthdays she often orders those helium balloons etc... and honestly, it makes me feel so guilty and awful. Most of what she buys is in the charity shop or landfill within days, and I really hate that thought. Younger people are more environmentally aware than previous generations and consider that you might be making them feel huge guilt by buying a lot of tat. Thankfully, you obviously have the kind of relationship where they can tell you what they want, and they have. Please listen. Christmas will be lovely with a few presents they actually have asked for. Nobody ever remembers who bought what. They remember the time you spent together.

Also, why are people buying jellycats for adults?!

Omg I thought you were going to say 15/16yo - and even then, I was going to say YABU. For a grown-ass adult "child"... Wow!

I think you need to look past the physical presents and see Christmas for what it is. A time of love, thought and happiness, not commercialised pressures defined by price tags and hitting budget.

Your post makes me feel queasy at how consumerism has gone made. You’re sad not to be buying a pile of tat they say they don’t want. Honestly give your head a wobble.

DD at 21 really struggles to think of anything she wants for Christmas and birthdays.

She likes the dinner and chocolate and would probably be happy with just that.

Seriously, £200 for adult children! Here's a thought, give them £75 each and tell them you've donated the rest, in their names to the Salvation Army, to help families who cant afford anything for their children.

😳 What lucky children… I got nothing after 18 😂

Please don’t buy tat just so you have something to wrap. I grew up celebrating Christmas on the 24th so stockings and smaller presents weren’t really a thing until I started celebrating Christmas with my husband and his family. We’re in our early 30s and the amount of crap my MIL buys is unbelievable! She’s an absolute gem but me and my husband literally return home with a bag that goes straight in the bin and it’s heartbreaking.

I think they'll be happier with just the money.... 😄

Don't waste your money like this. Dang. I thought you only get 1 gift per person for xmas...

I think I can shed light! Jellycat now make keyrings which are super desirable among the tween set. I only know this because DD12 wants one. They are about £22

Your being ridiculous they’re adults £50 each is ample they’re no doubt earning their own money now as well 🤦‍♀️ save your money they’re not little children anymore x

£200 each! I think this is some weird reverse boast

I agree OP, I feel sad about the not buying presents and hiding them around the house! Now it’s PJ’s and a bank transfer. Sad really.
But I don’t get upset that my DH hasn’t bought me anything (I buy what I want).
They also get more than £200!!
I also buy jellycats and Lego, so I don’t find that weird.

Are they going to spend 400 pounds on you between them? Probably not. My kids bang on about what they want for xmas. Ive got 3 adult girls still at home. If I want to buy them what they want I will try but if its ridiculous ill give them some money towards it or say forget it. 20 and 24 year olds should be working and have more than enough to spend on themselves assuming they live at home. Id be dividing your 200 by at least half. You dont need to feel guilty.

When you said young adults I was thinking 18/19 that age where even though they are considered adults they are still just as clueless as when they were 16🙄😂 but at those ages especially the 24 year old they can sod off😂

My 17 old doesn’t even expect anything nor ever asks but I’d definitely get him something if he did ask. I’ve raised them to not buy into all the greed and spending madness of Christmas so we don’t really “do Christmas”

The fact my eldest one still lives at home with me for practically nothing and earns more then me he is lucky I’ve not forced him out of house to live alone so that’s his Christmas present! Last year I buggered off to Asia for Christmas with my youngest, the eldest was home alone with his Chinese takeaway Christmas Day dinner and loved it, And when I returned on the 2nd Jan he got his usual gifts that I usually get him when I travel abroad.

I dare not show my son this because he’d be expecting £200 from me at age 27 😂