Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

There are kids who wake up to nothing on Christmas day. Or would if it weren't for charities. I give to a Scottish charity who help around 9000 people a year. You buy the gift and it comes from their parent or guardian - they hand it over. I probably only spend 30 pounds per gift but I try and get as much for the 30 as I can

I personally really like primark for cheap vegan perfume. Aldi do it too. Pound land do some great make up really cheap. If you shop around you can find some great stuff

200 pounds is not mean in the slightest.

I tend to spend 50 on my mum and my brother - it's the giving that counts. Not how much you spend

It's so much harder when they are older. Younger ones you can just pile the trolley with easy toys, but I've done my Christmas shopping these past few days for my tweenage and teenage children - So much more expensive and harder to get for! I do empathise with you, but yours and their worth are not in the price and size of Christmas lists, but the time and memories you make with them.

Like you I always bough Dd lots of little things as well as couple of main presents, and her bday is just after Christmas. She lives away from home but comes home for Christmas, and some of last years 'little gifts' are still upstairs in her bedroom. I love the little bits but it seems she doesn't anymore. I haven't bought them this year, just stuck to main bits like jammies and perfume, jellycats and books, I've had to stop myself buying more 🙄

That’s a big budget for adult kids.

Honestly wtf is this...

The world's smallest violin or a wind up?

I sometimes find myself buying stuff for the sake of it but much less now (partly bc the DC are older and partly bc I have less money) and one way I've made the switch to fewer presents (typically a book and some chocolates, not nearly as much as £200 each!) is that I arrange and pay for a dinner and theatre trip in Dec. I'm not made of money, we've all got too much stuff, we all enjoy an evening out together and it's experiences rather than landfill.

My dc are 21 and 24. One has asked for a super dry hoodie which he will buy and I will wrap and send him the money. The other DS has asked for a spa overnight stay for him and his Gf and me to babysit his dc whilst he goes.
i will buy a few things for their stocking which are things like tooth paste, scratch card, choc orange. To me it’s not about gifts, Christmas is about lovely food and a new board game ( 1% club this year).
Just enjoy the day, presents are so overrated anyhow and too many is overwhelming.

Omg they're adults not little kids, me and my sister got a budget of £20! My mum died 15 years ago, granted iam older than your kids, but I was 38 when she died. We've been estranged from my father since mum.died.
I think your 'kids' are utterly spoilt and should expect anywhere near £200

At 20 and 24 I think they’d like a nice stocking of smaller presents and the £200 cash!!!
And a nice Xmas roast.

Your kids are in their 20s and still give you a list??

Is this normal?

My parents but me something (I'm guessing about £75) without a list. They are in their 80s and for me I appreciate the effort they have gone to.

Xmas lists are for the under 18s

First issue is calling them ‘kids’. Yes they’re your children but kids they are not. I would expect at that age just one lovely present like perfume or piece of jewellery. They’re adults!

Adult children should be asking what they can do for you at Christmas. I'd be annoyed at them having a list. When will you stop treating them like little kids?

Everything has got so expensive and like many I’ve had to cut back, so a couple of years ago I came round to the idea of just getting them something for the day - something to read ( book, comic, magazine]; and something to watch ( DVD - secondhand is fine), and something to eat ( chocolates or sweets - like a selection pack), and something to do (activity pack, craft set, puzzle or game - again secondhand is fine). None of this costs too much, especially if bought secondhand or made up ( I make up scrap books for example, and make up packs of scraps for them, and buy glue sticks in bulk). £20 tops per person and usually a lot, lot less as I start shopping early. With care I can bring it in under £5 each (secondhand book, car boot sale game, activity pack and scrapbook with glue, and a pack of sweets. ).
Plus they get 1 proper present off their list - that’s where the money goes.

its worked out really well over the last few years - they love getting everything individually wrapped so they have a pile of presents to open, they know they are stocking fillers - and some of the games have kept everyone going over the holiday.

My daughter has just turned 21. She got spoilt as usual & was genuinely shocked and delighted, she actually said mom I’m 20, all my friends have stopped receiving this much for their birthdays. 1 mate got £50 off her parents & the other a bottle of perfume. She’s right to, am I going to forever indulge her. So I’ve made a mental note after her 21st she will have a more reasonable amount spent on her

Your poor children, only £200 each and no massive pile of presents! They’ll probably be needing therapy for this tragic level of deprivation.

One of our traditions is a table present
Which I put on their plates before serving dinner. I wrap them up fancy. It could be a 25 pound Amazon voucher or nice coffee it adds a nice touch.

This. A lot of people find it genuinely upsetting to be gifted lots of environmentally-damaging, wasteful tat. It sounds like OP’s kids have told her clearly they don’t want this stuff. She needs to respect that.

Blimey £200 quid at ages 24. Too much if anything. By that age really only needs to be a token of a present

I don’t understand why people buy random crap for Christmas presents that nobody wants or needs. Then it all ends up in landfill. A massive mess for future generations to deal with.

Could you create some Christmas traditional stocking filler gifts like pj's,fluffy socks,chocs,book... whatever their likes/interests are along with the money? Then they have practical/nice gifts and your heart feels full. It's hard when they get older to let go 🥺and buy yourself a nice gift 'from them' too😄

Could start a new tradition of putting together a couple of shoe box appeal boxes for children in need.

This. Not what I expected, they’re adults!

At this age that is perfectly good budget.

My youngest (12) has asked for nothing this year, when pushed, he said he'd quite like some chocolate or sweets but nothing else. This thread has made me realise either myself or him are batshit loooooool

Not sure why everyone is giving you a hard time. I feel for you OP, I’m lucky my children are still small but I’m sure I will feel like you when they are grown up. I think £200 is a lovely amount and if they don’t need anything specific then that should be plenty to get them some nice presents.
i still tell my mom what I want for Christmas and I’m in my 40’s 🤣🤣🤣 I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family you sound lovely. I’m sure one day in the future there may be grandkids and you’ll get to do the whole spoiling thing again xx