Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

Material things do not contain the value that you are putting on them. Teach them to be happy with less. That is a good gift in my eyes.

Tbf, unemployed adults are more likely to be appreciative of “basics” like socks and toiletries that may be the “tat” the OP is talking about than working adults who just buy their own consumables.

I guess there are a few ways to go with adults

The OPs preference - everything in their list and then a load of extras
What I think lots of people do - a couple of things they’ve asked for plus a couple of extras “to make it Christmassy”
What most adults actually want - give me the thing I’ve asked for and don’t waste your money on tat (what the OPs kids want I think)
“Tat” only - aka “luxuries” which I think there is a decent argument for with older, working adults who just buy normal things like jeans and air fryers that they need. Someone upthread mentioned a “dec 1st” box which sounds nice - your new pjs and Christmas biscuits to enjoy during advent and nothing (or nothing much) to open on Xmas day. Doesn’t sound like the OPs dds want this sort of thing yet.

Jesus, that’s a bit bleak. Why did he think that?

Don't give up on doing something that you love, decide what you want to do at Christmas and what makes you happy, for some of us gift giving is a serious business and it's part of who we are, in the future you will have grandchildren and they will love all the presents at Grandmas house. See if you can get a few more pressies, I love they way they look all wrapped up under the tree 🎁

I have 3 kids ranging from 4 to 17 and they get £120 budget each (which includes stocking, xmas eve, advent etc...), always has been that amount and never struggled to get them load of things they love.

Your issue is not lack of budget it is that the few items your getting are overly expensive for what they are, small, brand name 'fad' items like Jelly Cat and Pandora. Its throwing money at a name not about the item or quality. At 13+ (never mind in their 20s) though if 'keeping up with the Jones' and getting the 'fashion' items is what your kids like though they are old enough to know that comes with a large price tag so they get less stuff.

Oh you’re not being mean at all! £200 is a generous amount for adult children, and it’s lovely that they’re content with it.

I think what you’re feeling is less about the money and more about nostalgia. Those big, chaotic Christmas mornings when they were little are such a vivid memory and it’s hard not to measure the present against them. But you’ve raised young adults who are thoughtful and realistic, and that says more about what kind of parent you are than any gift pile ever could.

Christmas changes as they grow up... but it doesn’t have to feel smaller, just different.

I agree with you here. It may be that the DC live away and return to spend Christmas with their parents, in which case it’s kind of nice. But if they are both still living there full time, it does sound a bit suffocating. If it’s real of course, I’m not sure .

£200 each and you think that's not doing the whole present thing?!? Jeez!

A lot of young people are at university at 20 though and probably being subsidised in some way by their parents still. Not all, mine wasn’t, but it’s probably more the norm on MN.

No, I sound like an adult.

Hundreds of thousands of young children will have nothing like £200 spent on them. Your adults will be just fine.
You can provide a young, homeless adult with a safe, warm Christmas by donating £39 to Crisis.

drivinmecrazy Are you my long lost twin sis by any chance? I feel exactly the same ! DC similar ages and I remember fondly piles of pressies greeted with great glee, and DH spending all morning one year ,setting up the much anticipated Scalextric . Then DM and FIL arrive with more. I have a similar budget to you and TBH struggle to find what to get now! posh AS .Smellies and socks to headphones and tech stuff .A nice jersey .They still get a selection box though and are partial to choccy tree decs too!

GrttingBysomehow I was a child in the 60s too .Lots of pressies .Dinner with DGP more pressies .Lots of chocolates (knocked myself out with fondants from Matinee Selection ,and was promptly sick in the night!) Assemblies and Carol Services. The new Famous Five books or St Clares . Good times (no tech then !)

I was expecting a thread about young kids, and the OP not being able to afford to buy some basic/cheap gifts for them.

Sounds like your kids will get a handful of things they really want and all will be fine.

I think maybe do a shoebox appeal so you can spread a bit of fun elsewhere and reminisce with the things you know your kids love? It’s obvious that fun and present giving gives you joy- which is lovely.

You could do a little stocking for things for them - when I was their age I appreciated my mum stocking up on my favourite moisturiser, shampoo, conditioner, hair serum so I got through half of the year without spending my cash coz I used sort of mid range products eg redken or Moroccan hair oil (expensive for me at the time on my trainee job wage- still expensive now tbf!) or deodorant etc do my money went further. I know it’s not fun but it really helped me, so perhaps there is something similar ypu could do for some unexpected magic ?

I read that as toilet seat!

£200 is a fortune to spend on Christmas for each person. I spend around £100 on DH and then around £50 on siblings - mostly Wine Society booze and snacks - and £30 on the nephews. I think DH spends about £100 on his adult DD who lives with us, but that's up to him.

My DM asks me what I want and I never ask for more than £30 worth of something.

Or paying nearly at grand each on rent, like mine.

Transitioning into adulthood at 20 and 24?

We stopped getting big gifts at 18 in our household. Maybe a little thing to unwrap on the day but then usually it was just socks and pjs.

For goodness sake, they are adults.

I feel exactly the same OP. I deal with it by trying to keep in mind that over the years we have given to charity quite a few unused or barely used things from Father Christmas; and that DC feel they have too much stuff despite regular attempts at decluttering. If your DC have specific things they want, and you’re getting them, that sounds perfect to me. I miss our DC having stars in their eyes on Christmas morning too, but it would be weird if that carried on forever! Roll on grandchildren, I say.

18 year old has said they want nothing which made both proud & sad (they know we’re not flush anymore). Younger teens sent me a list of a couple of things they thought would be useful that are inexpensive (basically stationary for school). £200 is more than we would usually spend so your young adults are doing remarkably well still!!

My parents applied a cut off at 18 for the big pile of Christmas presents. We would still get bits but far less - budget was around 100 pounds until I left uni and then after that it was just one Christmas present like other adult members of the family. My mum would still host and have lots of amazing food and drink but presents were definitely lower key.

I wish my piles were getting smaller