How much would you expect to be spent on an engagement ring?

[DonkeyFacedCunt]

Cutrently talking about marriage with my partner of 5 years.
for context, he earns £53,000 a year. Plus he has a lodger in his house at an extra £600 pcm. (Which he can mainly do due to spending most of his time at my house).
he does have a mortgage and does pay child support plus all other usual outgoings.

He has previously said no to marriage (which is fine) but has recently changed his mind as he has realised we can leave each other our pensions more easily if we die if we are married. (So this is a practical rather than romantic thing really). we have both been married before and if we do get married it would only be a tiny wedding. We are both in our forties.

given all this, how much would you expect him to be looking at to pay for a ring? (FYI I have offered to pay half or give him something in return but he won’t hear of it).

just interested in people’s thoughts

TIA

Under these circumstances, you don't need and engagement ring. A nice wedding ring that you buy for each other would be enough.

I’d forget any toss about three months’ salary (this being a “tradition” was invented by a jewellery company). I wouldn’t want him to spend more than a couple of grand. I don’t have flashy tastes and I’d be more than happy with a lab-grown stone and/or vintage.

yes this is also very sensible!

Why does the cost of the ring matter to you?

honestly, why would it matter?

Why does it matter how much a ring costs? Pick a ring you like probably not too expensive and wear it, but i agree with a pp just get wedding rings it doesn't sound like it will be a very romantic proposal .

Is he being stingy about buying a ring? How do you feel about him changing his mind because of pensions? Does either one of you have more to gain financially than the other?

However much a durable ring that you like costs, if you both feel you want to spend that money on it - ie anywhere from about £50 up, depending on your taste in jewellery.

£5000

£4,000 or so

I didn't care about the cost, more that it was something that suited me and was something I would like, I got something in a vintage style and love it, I don't know how much it cost but I would've been very cross at 3 months salary!
Also I agree with PP second wedding for both, for sensible financial reasons (nothing wrong with that) but why do you even need one? You've done all of that before.

I wouldn't expect one at all for a second marriage, certainly wouldn't have a preconception on what he should spend.
What are you expecting? Have you discussed it?

Mine was £350 when we each earned about £40k. Not sure if that will help you any, but you're welcome to the information.

Mine was £350 when we each earned about £40k. Not sure if that will help you any, but you're welcome to the information.

I wouldn’t. Because it wouldn’t matter to me. To have such an expectation would indicate a level of materialism, greed & shallowness which I do not possess and would not wish to.

When I was a student I did a Christmas temp job at a high street jewellers. The young women who worked there were all obsessively materialistic, comparing how much money their boyfriends had spent on buying jewellery for them. I despised them and I despised their appalling values. I still do.

If I were getting engaged now, I'd either get a vintage ring or skip having one altogether. I only rarely wear my engagement & wedding rings and I wouldn't want to spend a fortune for the privilege.

£5,000 is fine.

Seriously? That's insane on his salary, especially as it's a marriage for practical rather than romantic reasons.

I'd say don't worry about an engagement ring but get matching wedding rings if you want.

And please don’t be shamed by those who claim it’s shallow and materialistic.

It's far more about finding one that's nice, I think.

How much do YOU think he should spend, @DonkeyFacedCunt and how much does he want to spend?

If you give us that information, the replies you get will probably be more useful.

If there is no romance in the reasoning I’d just get married and have a wedding ring.

edited to add on my first marriage the ring was £12k on my second it was £4K because by this time we both had kids and mortgages etc!

This whole “how much for an engagement ring” is tacky and vulgar. Choose a ring you like and can afford-£10? £5000?

How much will you spend on his engagement ring?