How much would you expect to be spent on an engagement ring?

[DonkeyFacedCunt]

Cutrently talking about marriage with my partner of 5 years.
for context, he earns £53,000 a year. Plus he has a lodger in his house at an extra £600 pcm. (Which he can mainly do due to spending most of his time at my house).
he does have a mortgage and does pay child support plus all other usual outgoings.

He has previously said no to marriage (which is fine) but has recently changed his mind as he has realised we can leave each other our pensions more easily if we die if we are married. (So this is a practical rather than romantic thing really). we have both been married before and if we do get married it would only be a tiny wedding. We are both in our forties.

given all this, how much would you expect him to be looking at to pay for a ring? (FYI I have offered to pay half or give him something in return but he won’t hear of it).

just interested in people’s thoughts

TIA

I recently looked at selling my late DM’s ring, insurance valuation £2k (as that would be the replacement cost) but was only offered £250 for scrap value. The whole thing is a bit of a scam.

Have you thought about having your GM’s ring reset? That way your DP could have input to the design and you get to enjoy a family heirloom

He is paid at a level where he could probably afford a little more than £500, but I think what would bother me is his lack of flexibility - he should want you to have something you like and he is being quite unhelpful. At that level, the choice is going to be more limited. Mine was £800 a decade ago, when my husband was on a similar salary, but what mattered was that he put thought into it. The way you have described your partner's attitude doesn't make him sound very caring.

It is impossible to tell the difference between a lab grown and a natural mined diamond, without a machine. To the eye, even with a loupe, they are indistinguishable and they behave the same as they are the same chemical structure, eg you can subject diamonds to a certain amount of heat that would burn or damage czs and some natural coloured stones.

...although the size of some, is a giveaway, depending on the owner....

I really, and I cannot emphasise this enough, REALLY didn’t give a shit how much my then boyfriend spent on my engagement ring. I picked my own in fact. It was £230 quid. That ring is still on my finger, alongside the £54 wedding ring, 22 years later. We are far from skint but just I can’t think of anything more grabby than expecting a certain amount be spent on a ring.

Honestly, the marriage is way more important the ring. And a lot of engagement rings these days seem to be massive knuckle dusters that are not at all practical. Choose a simple, modest ring that is of decent quality and will wear well. As previous poster’s have already stated, this stuff about x month’s salary etc is utter tosh, invented by jewellery companies.

He sounds tight, to be honest!

Getting married for financial reasons? How romantic...🙄

I'd think it through. If it were me i would not marry him.
What is he planning to leave for his child if his pension goes to you? 🤔
It sounds like his finances are precarious. He lives with you in order to rent out his place so he can afford his mortgage and child support by the sounds of it.
He wants to get married for financial reasons - his!
Run. 🚩

Mine cost £350, I chose it and wear it all the time.

Why would anyone want a ring costing £000’s, it’s impractical?

I told my DH I didn't want one, I'd rather spend money on a new bathroom with a bath in it, to me that's worth more than a ring I'd just get stressed about losing.

I wouldn’t marry him, the financial reasons all benefit him. There’s no benefit to you or your children at all. Let him keep his cheap ring.

Mine was £280. It’s absolutely beautiful and I love it. It’s silver with a rough sapphire and was made by a silversmith in wales.

It’s usual to receive half a spouses workplace pension upon death so there is that to consider as well. But you would need to look at the details of the scheme.
Pre nups are not currently legally binding in the UK as far as I’m aware so check up on that. plus I would check how much it costs to have one.

I just threw an amount out there to be honest!

If dh and I weren’t already married I’d go for a lab grown diamond. Less expensive and still a diamond albeit grown in a lab.

My dh spent around £500 on a solitaire diamond ring with white gold band about ten years ago. At the time he earned around 40k . I think he did buy online though.

We got engaged recently (in mid life) and looked at vintage rings and jewellery auctions. My ring came from Elmwood's auction and we were able to go and view several rings at their office in Notting Hill before bidding online. Their 'low estimate' of what each ring might sell for seemed accurate and a good guide.

While searching we also looked at vintage rings in Hatton gardens in London, at Faringdon's and other jewellers along the same road and surrounding area. We saw some lovely 1930s art deco rings. We eventually bought my 1930s engraved platinum wedding ring in another jewellery auction.

I also really like Katherine James jewellery and she has lab diamonds in old cuts, inexpensive moissanite and gemstone eternity rings as well as lots of beautiful coloured gem stones at all price points - worth a look.

And you don't need to worry about the conditions in which it was mined.

My engagement ring was £80 back in 1984 I still wear it now

How boring to be practical. Why shouldn’t you get a ring

God if I get engaged again in goinf bigger and better than last time. I’d like a 3ct lab solitaire and I don’t care what other people thong. BTW they’re about £1500 if you know where to go

If it really bothers you, buy your own !

One of my aunts was far wealthier than my uncle and topped up (or bought) her ring.

However, I don't think couples in their 40s who are more or less living together and are marrying for purely financial reasons need to be engaged.

I would never be so mercenary as to have expectations on the amount my fiancé should spend on an engagement ring. My engagement ring is tiny, with a minuscule diamond and cost £32.50 many years ago. It was valued recently at £300. To me, it’s still the most beautiful ring I’ve ever had - because it was bought with love and it was my choice. If we were getting married today. I would be horrified at the thought of my husband spending £1000 or more on a ring.

Why not? How miserable.

It doesn't sound like he really values you. First he didn't want to marry you and then he did for financial reasons. But he thinks you're not worth more than a £600 ring? How does he even come up with that figure? It's depressing before you're even married.

I'd be careful he isn't thinking he'll keep his house to himself but claim ownership of half of yours, while you pay the bills.

This is way too materialistic