How much would you expect to be spent on an engagement ring?

[DonkeyFacedCunt]

Cutrently talking about marriage with my partner of 5 years.
for context, he earns £53,000 a year. Plus he has a lodger in his house at an extra £600 pcm. (Which he can mainly do due to spending most of his time at my house).
he does have a mortgage and does pay child support plus all other usual outgoings.

He has previously said no to marriage (which is fine) but has recently changed his mind as he has realised we can leave each other our pensions more easily if we die if we are married. (So this is a practical rather than romantic thing really). we have both been married before and if we do get married it would only be a tiny wedding. We are both in our forties.

given all this, how much would you expect him to be looking at to pay for a ring? (FYI I have offered to pay half or give him something in return but he won’t hear of it).

just interested in people’s thoughts

TIA

We only spent maybe 15% of our engagement ring budget on my ring because I loved the design and knew I'd love wearing it day in, day out, forever.

Finding a ring you love matters more than the cost.

Appalling values? Bore off. It’s perfectly possible le to enjoy beautiful jewellery and have good solid morals too. Shocking I know.

Why shouldn’t the OP get a gorgeous ring that she’ll admire every day?

It's the symbolism behind the ring that's important.
I've known of people spending thousands on a ring and it all goes to shit very quickly when those financial expectations are expected in all areas of life.
DW was £360 and were happy still 20 years later

Mine was 400e and we both earn much more than your partner

Neither of us are flashy. I love my ring which is vintage but rarely wear

£500-600 would be at the upper end of what I'd expect/want but I don't like diamonds so if I was having one I'd want an amethyst or something like that. On the whole I'd rather just have a nice wedding ring though.

I mean... whatever he wants.

I think it's an antiquated tradition anyway.

I went with DH to the jeweller and we picked one that we both liked. Salary was 100k, ring cost £850.

I then bought him a £850 gift (for his hobby), as a surprise.

I think if you're someone who wants a mega expensive ring, buy it for yourself

1k

The price is irrelevant. The intention, sentiment and consideration of your taste would be key factors.
Way back when, DH to be was just finding a job. I bought the engagement ring (around £300) and he paid me back.
I picked out what I wanted, we knew what our budget would be, and I didn't get it until we'd been engaged several months. None of that mattered to me.

I could never see the point of spending loads on jewellery. If it has sentimental value then it doesn’t need to be expensive. I think mine cost about £75.

I have a titanium ring that cost about £30, but was given to me by the most amazing person who ever lived.

Try not to worry about the cost, there will be something that you love that fits your budget. It's the who that is important, not the what. Besides, you can always upgrade it should circumstance allow in future.

£500 is less than he gets for 1 month from his lodger. It's the first engagement ring you will have so I think he's being a bit mean about it especially as he seems to be marrying you for your half of your pension. It's not wrong to want to be seen as special to the man you are going to marry and to want a nice engagement ring, especially as you didn't get one in your first marriage. It sounds like he really grudges you having one if he won't let you contribute to get a nicer one and he won't even pay the cost of a pre used one at a jewelers shop, not let you use your grans ring. I'd tell him you will consider his proposal but you have not decided yet. Out of interest is your pension pot bigger than his?

Is your pension better than his OP? A DB?

Second wedding, later in life, already got kids - I don’t think an engagement in the traditional form is appropriate here. Why not split the cost? Or not bother with an engagement ring and both have nice wedding rings?

But 500-600 is not going to get you a nice ring, if it’s a diamond you are thinking of.

What virtue signalling nonsense. This may well be a revelation to you, but wanting to have a nice (by your own standards) engagement ring, does not make you a bad person. And you are in no way a “better” person for choosing a £29 ring from Claires. As you have well demonstrated.

@caringcarer you might be on to something. If OP has a nice ring it'll reflect on him to others and give op ideas ie it might look as if he actually loves her rather than it just being a marriage of convenience. Sorry OP hope this isn't the way it actually is

Edited to add that there nothing to say you cannot find a ring you love in that price range (i did but wasn't bothered that it was 9ct gold and I wasn't after a diamond).

You say you are not materialistic @DonkeyFacedCunt but you do sound it.

A £600 ring isn't good enough? If he is spending waaaaaay less than you wish, maybe you're not suited.

I would find one you liked (second hand shops are generally good value for money) and say that's what you'd like. Offer to make up the difference. If he says no, say you don't like any of the ones for £500 and ask what solution he has.

I think dh paid about £1000 for mine in 2009, and it was a pretty standard ring. Not a massive rock like you sometimes see.

I imagine you're deflated as you didn't have one first time around and you want that experience even if you aren't 25 this time.

If he won't let you contribute though, you can only really leave him to it. He doesn't sound very into the whole engagement thing at all tbh, so I think you need to manage your expectations here. He probably isn't going to make up for your first engagement being a bit disappointing. It is really sad though imo. Could he not make a bit of a fuss? I suppose it isn't important to him, but I get why it's a bit of a let down

Thank you @caringcarer
mine isn’t bigger than his (his is much more). I am more likely to die earlier than him but my pension pot is very small.
I do have more assests than him but these go to my children and he knows that. We have talked about pre nups etc. I am not worried he is after my money.

thank you to everyone who took the time to read my posts and consider the situation rather than just call me materialistic. Given that I have already said that I don’t know why I feel like this, and that I would be happy with a ring I already own, or to go halves etc I am not sure how they came to that conclusion. If you think that £10 is okay then that’s fine, I am after opinions, just say that.

I would be a bit disappointed with £500 - but saying that, I saw a beautiful 5 diamond Victorian ring recently, old cut diamonds in platinum and gold for £650. Maybe look at some other vintage jewellers?

This one

I think the £800 figure is not extravagant on his salary and the fact you’ve proposed other solutions (you chipping in, getting it from other sources, etc) means you’re being very reasonable. Having a ring you love is important, assuming you’re intending to wear it every day, not just leave it in a drawer.

I would be a bit put out by his awkwardness and shooting down all your suggestions, and basically railroading you into what he wants. Can you discuss it with him? You’re about to form a partnership, so what you think is important too. Does he really want you to have a £600 ring you don’t love rather than a £800 one you do (and have contributed to) or that comes from “the wrong” shop???

Surely marriage is a partnership? Maybe a bit different for us as we bought a house together and our salaries went into a joint account. We earned a similar amount (I was out earning him at the beginning and now he earns more). We have a similar approach to money and have never begrudged each other anything.

When we got engaged we both went out together and used a joint credit card to buy our rings (would never pay for anything major without the protection of a credit card). I had an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring. I knew exactly what I wanted, he knew exactly what he wanted, and we bought them together.

Why is it only about what ‘he’ is prepared to spend? Why isn’t this a joint decision? If you can’t agree on this and don’t have the same outlook regarding money, I think you should seriously consider if you are both ready for marriage to each other.

Oh there’s some miserable fuckers on here. I don’t think you are materialistic OP, it’s not an unreasonable question at all. Lots of people spend thousands on designer bags, sports equipment, holidays you name it because they want it and their household income can afford it, it should be the same with jewellery that you expect to treasure and wear for the rest of your life. I haven’t bought an engagement ring recently but my eternity ring cost £1200 not that long ago, I love it and we could afford it. Do you think he just had a massively unrealistic idea of what it would cost and guesstimated on the low side and is now feeling a bit silly/stubborn.

If you're marrying for financial convenience then £0. Quick 5 minute sign on the dotted line at the Registry Office then carry on as normal.