Is it strange to be a couple long term and never marry?

[Benny91]

As me and my girlfriend are both 33 and are seeing people around our age obviously get married and are feeling strange about it as we’ve been together for 7 years! Is it an absolute societal expectation or norm that if you’re a long term couple that you must marry?

Is there any other couples on here that are in a similar situation to us?

If you are married, what made you want to marry?

It just makes me depressed at the moment that everyone’s getting married and we both don’t know what to do going forward.

@TheaBrandt1 Exactly.

.I’m 60 …been with DP 40 years ….got 3 DC….3GC….own our home together ….never wanted to get married

No because of the legal conditions attached to it that I wanted

@Cat1504 I assume the house is under the individual threshold for inheritance tax then? And doesn’t need have the benefit of being married

All our Cohabiting friends have got married in the SE. IHT makes a difference.

IHT is massive and you can be liable as the joint tenant after your partners death as well and the RNRB is only valid for direct descendants so if unmarried it is 325k and needs to be paid after death

so any house worth over 650k can be caught by this

whereas married the house goes straight to you and tax isn’t payable and then with the allowances together the estate can be up to 1 million before tax kicks in

which if you have assets is HUGE

and that’s it isn’t it it maybe your relationship is perfectly fine without marriage and it is secure etc but the one thing you can’t protect from becuase it is inevitable is death and that is where the benefits of having been married really kick in

and it isn’t an issue previous generations would have faced for two reasons - one they got married and two house prices were such IHT wasn’t such a big factor

Same here and it was a legal Union of myself and my lovely DH. We've had lots of ups and downs. We were obviously going to get married before having kids. Marriage is a legal union of 2 people. Wasn't going to have kids, live together and build a family without getting married. He's my partner for life.

Read my post I made (just before replying to you)

Fair enough. Can’t work out which post you mean, but hey ho.

Yes, 25 years unmarried, two children.

You seem oddly proud of that - why?

The “too cool for school” attitude of some unmarried couples is quite tedious. Then they all just get married when they realise they will get whacked for iht on first death.

Exactly @TheaBrandt1!

@Spacecowboys abd @CurlewKate i hope your individual assets are under the 325k IHT so as not to be hit by a tax bill!

the idea that a wedding is some romantic concept should be something that disappears once adult life kicks in. being married/civil partnership isn’t about romance and it isn’t about the wedding it is simply a legal contract that confers certain things some may call them benefits come may not.

by all means remain unmarried (and for blended families I think it is recommended) but make sure exactly what it means in terms of tax/NOK/access to non joint accounts on death etc,

As far as I know, up until 2003 it wasn’t automatic and had to be granted via the courts, even if the father was named on the birth certificate. I hadn’t really considered ‘taking it away’ as such as he never had it in the first place. I’m sure he would have got it via the courts if he’d wanted to pay the fees.

My in laws have never married, been together from 18 yrs old, now 70+

just do it and don’t tell anyone - lots of people do this for the same reasons. We did. There was a thread on here a while back about it and it was all about difficult families. Some fessed up afterwards with variable results but many didn’t. No one in our family will find out until one or both of us dies!

@ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe civil partnership may be for you very simple and quick and cheap and strictly isn’t a wedding so not actually lying to anyone about that either. Sorts out all the rights you need with no fuss

Would avoid Cp if you are dual nationality or may live abroad but otherwise it gives same rights as marriage.

It's not the way things are usually done but it can work. But it you don't want to commit to being with this person and building a life, maybe they are not the person for you. Also, if you want to have children, the right thing to do would be to get married which offers some financial protection for your partner (this might not apply to your situation but usually it is the woman who is economically disadvantaged by having children)

@NattyKnitter116 If parents married it’s automatic. If not, it’s automatic if the dad is on the birth cert. 2003 is 22 years ago so not relevant as dc no longer children.

What an odd thing to say.

There is some truth in it though as most ideologically opposed couples tend to bite the bullet once they realise how expensive and how much hassle it is not to be married if one of you dies with any shared assets.
I certainly never wanted to be married as the whole concept is ridiculously patriarchal and so held out for CPs to come in.

They also finally changed the marriage certificate to match the CP cert and it now shows the occupation of the mother which will be helpful to family historians in 100 years!

The important thing is not whether people are married or not, its whether they understand the difference legally.

Laughing hysterically "whole concept is ridiculously patriarchal" and then waiting for something else to come in that is exactly the same thing legally but actually has less recognition if you wanted to go abroad.

The silliness of some people on MN.

@TheNightingalesStarling Many family lawyers will tell you lots of people still believe in a “common law marriage” and, as another poster says, marriage is about men! Many people make no effort to find out the legal position at all.

Marriage gives more protection to women (if lower wage earner) and dc. It means marital assets are all in the mix so mums get a share. Not married and a man has all the assets leaves the woman vulnerable. Women in particular need to wise up, especially if they want dc!

Yes I think it is also true to be aware of what the implications are if you do want to get married as well - particularly once you have had children

i I think there is still an old fashioned notion of what marriage is that is outdated and people don’t want to be tied to it even though it is potentially very costly