Men approaching my DD17 at the library- is this really the state of the UK?

[PinkChaires]

Today my dd went to the library to do some revision, and she says that whilst she was using a computer, a man in his fifties came and scooted his chair very close to her and repeatedly asked for her name. She immediately got up but then the man said ‘its alright’ and went away himself. A completely different man of about the same age came not 15 minutes later whilst she was packing up and asked her where are you going. She says he was actually licking his lips. Is this really how its become? Weve been going to this library since she was tiny and shes been going regularly by herself for the past 2 years with no issues like this.

The Muslim men i know don't approve of, let alone celebrate, abuse of women and children.

Nor do the Christian men, or the atheist men.

Sadly there are too many examples of Muslim, Christian and atheist men being abusive.

Also of women.

This. I had so many instances of this sort when I was a teenager and young woman. I just never told my mum as she would have worried and I wanted to be able to go out

I don't even think it's a race thing. I've been harassed by men of many different nationalities. It's a disgusting scummy man thing

It's her age. I remember being that age, the pervs were everywhere. Is she able to tell them to 'fuck off you pervert' loudly, it is a very good deterrent, especially in a crouded space. They tend to back off when confronted.

Exactly

Total nonsense. How dare you say to those of us that have told you we’ve experienced this since a young age and so have most of our friends. Male sexual harassment of young women is endemic. Sorry that doesn’t suit your take on immigration but it’s true.

Firstly, I’m sorry that happened to your DD.

Unfortunately, it has been that way. Things have improved slightly until recently where pervs and other undesirables feel emboldened by the internet Wild West giving the impression that more people think like them.

I think teens to early 20s is a very vulnerable time generally. We have more freedom to be out and about but little experience which adult men prey upon.

A lot of libraries and churches do do warm spaces and are an important part of looking after vaulnerable elderly people. I’ve been going to the library with DD every week since lockdown ended and we’ve not had any problems. That said, a teen on their own would be more likely to be targeted.

You shouldn’t have to but try to have a convo with DD about what to do if she finds herself in a similar situation again. If she feels able, she needs to find a librarian and report the behaviour. If there are computers closer to the main desk could she try and use one of those. (We shouldn’t have to think about stuff like this or change our behaviour but unfortunately that’s how things are)

My dd2 aged 13 at the time was sexually assaulted on a bus coming home from school.

3.30 in the afternoon.

police did nothing.

she has not been on a bus in her own since.

sick of men. I really am

All she needs to do if it happens again is for her to shout "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT" at the top of her voice.

I agree. Women need to find their voice. (We are brought up to be "docile").

Self defence for girls needs to be taught during gym at schools. Away from the male population.

I am 70 and remember talking loudly, not shouting, to a guy on public transport who had his hand in my bag. He jumped off at the next stop. I felt proud of myself at that at age 19.

I doubt there’s a woman alive that didn’t have something like this happen to her from 12 onwards. It is not a race thing. It is a sleazebag thing.

I dont think the ethnicity of the men matters. One was not white, but we are afghan ourselves

Is there actually a way to block posters? I've never had to do it before but there have been a couple lately who derail threads that make me want to actually unwatch them.

It’s men, they were like it when I was a teenager and they are like it with my teenage step daughter. Not all of them obviously but enough, if it happens when we’re together (it happened lots on holiday this year because god forbid she walks around in a bikini on the beach) I’ll call them out. I don’t know why there are so many scummy men but it’s nothing new unfortunately.

Good grief that is bad - needing to go to the library with a mate because it’s full of unpleasant randoms ☹️

Libraries are now a pale spectre of what they once were when I was a branch librarian. Many branch libraries have closed down due to lack of LA funding and others are staffed by volunteers, as other posters have mentioned. Unfortunately volunteers seldom have the professional skills or aura of authority to deal with such incidents.

Back in the 1970s two of my female staff complained to me about the behaviour of a male library user. He would accost them behind the banks of shelves out of view of the person in charge. It began innocently enough by asking about a book. From there it had progressed to his making remarks about their clothes and body shapes. These two young women did not know how to deal with this. In effect he was grooming them.

I took the man into a side room and informed him of the complaints. Of course he tried to bluff it out that the two young women has "taken it the wrong way" and he was "only being friendly". I told him very sternly in my best teacher voice that the library was a place of work for the staff and not a dating agency. I also warned that any further complaints would lead to police involvement.

The man was never seen in my library again.

I stopped taking my children about 10 years ago due to some really creepy behaviour of men hanging around the computers which were right next to the children’s books. We’ve moved since and are close to an open prison where a lot of the inmates hang out at the local library when it’s open, there is a school bus that drops off and picks up right outside the library, they are always hanging around outside when the bus is due.

But sadly it’s no different to when I was a girl and creepy older men would hang near the school bus stops. My dad would take me to the library each week, I don’t remember any men but my dad had an eye and could spot the creepy one a mile off, he wouldn’t have been backwards in scaring them off.

Libraries need to be staffed by absolute dragons who would think nothing of barking at old pervs and escorting them out by their ears.

I guess I was one of these "dragons" as I did not hesitate to evict people from my library for bad behaviour. I was tall and imposing and have a voice like a lash when I care to use it. Once or twice I had to call the police when there were drunks who fell asleep and would not leave at closing time. In those days the police arrived quickly, dumped them in the van and took them away.

A man on a plane once made the mistake of putting his hand up my skirt. I dug my elbow hard into his chest and called him out all over the plane for being a pervert. The cabin crew moved him.

Worked in a library for many years back in the day and the fact it's free and usually warm does attract odd bods and worse types.

I once had someone turn up with a floppy disk (remember them 🤣) and asked me how to use it on our public access PC's but he refused to tell me what was actually on it. Obviously I refused to help assuming it was some kind of porn.

And these are husbands, brothers, fathers, sons etc etc.

They're all the bloody same!

Sadly nothing new, ‘Creepy Dave’ has been around for decades. Im 38 but most of the catcalling and sexual harassment happened before I was 16.

I distinctly remember being 15 and walking to get the bus into town when ‘Creepy Dave’ (think disgusting 40+ man) approached me in his car offering a lift. I said no and walked through the shortcut lane to the bus stop. I get there and creepy has driven round the road waiting for me, and pressures me to get in. Thankfully the bus turned up and i ran on but i think about what could have happened. I probably did look a bit older than 15 but no more than 17/18 and would have had absolutely no interest in a disgusting middle aged man.

I work loosely in the area of child sexual exploitation as well and it’s just grim. Its men of all backgrounds, they just think they’re entitled to a young girl no matter what. If they’re not perving out on the streets then they’re doing it online.

I really despair. My DD is 10 and Im terrified for her. In costa coffee today and i caught some weirdo staring at her, I was too shocked to say anything but did he get a death stare from me 😡

I'm 65. I started getting hassled when I was 11 or 12. I was tall for my age - 5ft 6 by the time I was 11 - but I still had a childlike face.

Exactlly.

In the late '70s I was a teenager on first aid duty at the local stock cars. As a junior member of the St Andrew's Ambulance Corps, one of my duties was to make the halftime tea for the first aiders and police on duty.

One time when I was 17, a young police constable came into the first aid post accompanied by his middle-aged sergeant. The sergeant approached me and said "Will ye have a look at the pain at the top of my leg for me?"

The young constable looked mortified. Fortunately, my best pal was on duty with me and a lot quicker. She told him "You can see one of our male colleagues about that."

Its gross and disgusting but I had multiple examples of similar 25y ago when I was 17. Mysoginistic society, then and now.

The creeps who harassed me when I was a kid were all white men with local accents. FWIW, I'm milk white myself.

I've just remembered another one...I was on a school trip, coming back from the continent on a ferry. There was a squad of territorial army blokes on board. They knew that we girls were on a school trip. They kept asking how old we were. We were pretty naive.

Every single soldier was white.

One asked me up to dance. Next thing, I heard him shouting to his mates "Mine is 17!"

(Our teachers had allowed us to go to the onboard disco. This was the late '70s.)