Men approaching my DD17 at the library- is this really the state of the UK?

[PinkChaires]

Today my dd went to the library to do some revision, and she says that whilst she was using a computer, a man in his fifties came and scooted his chair very close to her and repeatedly asked for her name. She immediately got up but then the man said ‘its alright’ and went away himself. A completely different man of about the same age came not 15 minutes later whilst she was packing up and asked her where are you going. She says he was actually licking his lips. Is this really how its become? Weve been going to this library since she was tiny and shes been going regularly by herself for the past 2 years with no issues like this.

I actually think a lot of odd men use the library for nefarious purposes - my friend used to work in one and she said they've had to ban men every week for accessing and trying to access dodgy sites. Can she use a school or college library instead?

Yep twas ever thus. It's not the state of the uk or modern life, it's men

Yes, I never mentioned this because I knew the next question would be what I had done to provoke it.

It was like that in 1982 when I was 15. I suspect it’s been like that for millennia.

When my dd was about 14, I pulled up about 2 car lengths from a shop (legally parked so no issue with that). She was getting out and walking the very short distance to the shop and a bloke came and asked her how old she was. She had been on the street about 10 fucking seconds!

A lot of the teens in our town go to a particular coffee shop (more trendy than starbucks etc) with free wifi to study. At least with that they actually have to buy a drink. Our library is full of down and outs (no offence to those people as there's no where else for them to go). I don't mind my dd going to library if with some friends but not on her own.

I'm in my 60's now and have never forgotten 3 men who used to make lewd inappropriate remarks to me at a sports club we were all members of. 2 of the men were police officers and the other a Doctor. This type of behaviour towards teenage girls is not new and neither is it only coming from a certain class or race of men.

A library is a much safer place than many others places, so I hope she continues to go.

But unfortunately anywhere that there are men, there are going to be pervy and it’s just crap that a female can’t even go and study without a man making her feel uncomfortable.

This is the truth. I'm 70 it was always like this.

This was a common occurrence for much younger teens in my experience 20+ years ago.

This is why it's important to react to that stuff if you see it. Unfortunately I don't think there's a way of reducing the numbers of weird creepy men. But I would hope there's more reaction to it from people who do see it/are told about it. I'm not talking lynch mobs. But even public disapproval is better than people laughing it of or going "ohhh that's just what he's like" or making out the teenagers are being too sensitive for being embarrassed/uncomfortable.

Unfortunately this is libraries these days, I used to take my DDs to story sessions when they were little and on a weekday morning it would be either other mums with young children, a few pensioners and seedy men using the free computers or reading the free newspapers. It was so bad that they had to lock their toilets and you had to ask for a key at the reception desk.

OP, it's always been like that.

When I was 18 (forty years ago) they were just the same. I had to fend off one of my friend's fathers when he 'gave me a lift home'. And I was followed home from the college library more than once by older men.

A huge number of men are just grubby.

The more women have pushed back the more men have stepped up their aggression

It has always happened but from what many young women describe now it’s often a lot more aggressive and pushy passed of as normal behaviour

I feel so protective over young women I know not just because I can remember what it was like but from their everyday experiences are often dealing with menacing aggression too it’s realy awful but I am really pleased to hear young men calling this behaviour out, rarely does it seem to be older men 🙄

This.

And it’s often older men!

I wonder if they could have under 18 areas

Teenage access to libraries actually sounds like a better idea to me. Just as you'd not let a lone male into sign and rhyme, our teens should be protected from the lone male too.

I think that’s why the latest TfL campaign addresses this for untoward behaviour on buses and trains. It’s because it’s sadly an every day occurrence.

For all the worries about the "modern masculinity crisis" in young men (in sure some of them have issues to) the ones that are apparently struggling the most with changes in gender roles are men in their 30s and 40s. They're the ones most likely to feel resentment about men's rights v women's rights and a lot of the Tate fans are actually that age as well. A lot of the anger about things like me too came from that age range as well. Of course a lot of them try to spread their nonsense to their son's or to younger men via podcasts. But I think some of it does come from the fact there's more push back on stuff that was socially acceptable back in the day. I guess it sucks if you grew up watching creepy middle aged men hit on teenagers but when you got to be middle aged suddenly the PC brigade have decided its wrong. Woke gone mad.**

Hopefully we don't backslide.

**Many men in their 30s and 40s are lovely and non creepy. However, the ones being creepy stand out more than the ones MTOB.

I think some teens would say men in their 30s and 40s are indeed weird and creepy, they just learnt to hide it better than their dads did.

I have seen a few guys openly looking at pornographic pictures on Facebook, or on sites with Russian/Ukrainian women looking for British husbands.
It is also noticeable people seldom read books at our library, they are only there for free internet. Especially since the death of internet cafés. Mind you, internet cafes seemed to attract creeps

Always been like this and always will.

Tale as old as time unfortunately. Teens should hang out together. It doesn’t creep proof you but it does mean that you can say “piss off grandad” and usually the offender scuttles away.

As a young teen I remember the old Birmingham Central Library being terrible for this, to the point that they had to designate ‘women only’ study areas. This would have been back in the late ‘80s/early’90s.