Men approaching my DD17 at the library- is this really the state of the UK?

[PinkChaires]

Today my dd went to the library to do some revision, and she says that whilst she was using a computer, a man in his fifties came and scooted his chair very close to her and repeatedly asked for her name. She immediately got up but then the man said ‘its alright’ and went away himself. A completely different man of about the same age came not 15 minutes later whilst she was packing up and asked her where are you going. She says he was actually licking his lips. Is this really how its become? Weve been going to this library since she was tiny and shes been going regularly by herself for the past 2 years with no issues like this.

We had a lovely and staffed library before covid. Nice activities like story time. We came often.
Now no staff and a lot of weird people. We don't come anymore. It doesn't feel safe or nice.

It seems things have got worse over the last 5-10 years. Men seen to have become emboldened in how they approach women. Is it the internet? I don’t know but it’s so fucking depressing.

I was chatting to DH about men and underage teenage girls recently. He told me he had seen some research that said most men given the chance would have sex with them. It is disgusting. They look like children, even the ones that are more womanly looking.

My aunt was a librarian in the 70s and was getting chatted up by creepy men back then. It's nothing new - unfortunately libraries attract creeps as it's a quiet, warm place with people to talk to and no expectation of buying anything.

I used to meet my best friend at a garden centre for tea which was halfway between our houses and then go to one another's house, and we were always getting beeped at by lorry drivers, sometimes men driving cars.

We were 12/13.

I often think some of those lorry and car driving men probably had kids that were our age. 😡

I was listening to R4 this week and a French lady was saying how none of the 51 men who raped Giselle Pelicot ever even considered what it would do to their wives and daughters if they were caught. We don't even cross their minds.

Internet/social media. The sending of dick pics being regarded as OK. It becomes normalised certainly amongst the senders. Up skirting being regarded as OK until it wasn't but even then it was somehow seen as unfair to criminalise it (by the perpetrators of course). It all adds up.

I’m 66, it’s nothing new. Since I was 14, can’t count the number of times I’ve been bothered by men in public. Groped, fondle, grabbed in someone’s arms, carried off over someone’s shoulder, comments. It was impossible. The last time was when I was 47.

It’s over now thank goodness.

Yeah, unfortunately this isn't new at all. The difference with libraries specifically is that, as others have said, they're less likely to be as well staffed these days and there are now fewer places for people who have nowhere to be.

Porn. It’s poisoning everything.

I wonder what they did to their wives and daughters personally.

It’s funny isn’t it, it doesn’t matter how inadequate or thick or pathetic men are, they seem to have a laser focus when it comes to finding vulnerable young women to slime up on? No shame, no self consciousness…just pure horny entitlement. Ugh. What absolute degrading shit girls have to put up with from such an early age 😔

Ten years ago ppl used to say to me when I struggled to get kids home after high school due to work (live rurally no buses) "why don't they get off the bus in town and go to the library and do homework for a couple of hours?"
This was exactly why, library was warm, dry and full of unsavoury ppl, sometimes on the computers possibly looking for work (completing the number of job apps to continue with benefits) or god knows what. I would not let a child go to the library in town alone, and I am sure it's probably got worse. Ppl in hostels sometimes have to vacate in the morning and not go back until the evening 😒 they end up in libraries.
Is there no where else she can go? She needs to make the librarians know if anything happens again it is not acceptable at all.

The same men will be saying "they can't say a compliment anymore, pc gone mad"
Pervs!

Maybe the Tommy Robinson supporters should be notified of this behaviour given that they care so much about our girls being harassed, they stand outside hotels to protest. Oh no, wait...

Is this really how its become?
it’s always been like this.
30-60 year old men approached me a lot more aged 11-17 than they have my entire adult life

As others have said, this is how it always was; you’ve certainly described my experience from age 13/14, in multiple public spaces. And the experience of most of my female friends that I’ve talked with about it. I remember my best friend working in a cafe age 15 and I’d gone in to see her. A man in probably his 60s shook her hand to wish her happy new year, leaned in to kiss her and tried to put his tongue in her mouth. All while having a normal day to day chat with the two of us. A 30yr old man who’d been my babysitter and been a nice guy (so I thought), when I was 15 admired my short dress and asked if he could kiss me. We’d fill up a thread quickly if we all told our stories like these.

My eldest is coming up 10 and I worry a lot about how to prepare her for all this, without making her think men are to be terrified (even though sadly I think many are). I hope your daughter is ok. I think we need to teach options of how to respond, both shouting ‘THIS PERVERT IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE’ and how to quietly get out of an uncomfortable scenario. Realistically that is what most young teen girls are more likely to feel able to do; plus we all know some men escalate if challenged so it can be the safest option.

You think this is new??

Phone and speak to the library manager...at least they will know to try and monitor that area.

Yes, happened to DD on the Tube last year. We reported to Transport Police and they were straight onto it and very supportive. Circulated the CCTV images of him, but he wasn't identified, so they couldn't take it further.

At least it is logged, and DD listened to and encouraged not to just accept it.

Or more that the issue is now acknowledged and there are avenues for some sort of support for women whereas, in the past, women were expected to just put up with it and the legal system was almost entirely weighted against them (and I think it still mostly is). Actually, mostly we’re still just ‘putting up with it’ too. So not much has changed 😬

I was really, really sad when my 14 year old came home and told me she had been approached by 2 adult males at the train station who asked her how old she was. She looks younger than she is if anything, and is very petite.

She said she'd said that she was 14 in such a way as to make it clear she resented the questions and they did move away, but it bothers me that she was not approached or supported by any of the many other people who were around and would have seen this happen.

My older teen has been bothered at bus stops, on the bus and at the station too.

How frustrating that this is deemed to be a teenage girls' lot.

Libraries need to be staffed by absolute dragons who would think nothing of barking at old pervs and escorting them out by their ears.
Sadly they seem to be (under) staffed by timid young women and wet lettuce men suffering from terminal public sector-ism who would probably make excuses for the rancid old turds.

The entitlement of some men to approach teen girls (going about their everyday business and not interacting with them.in any way) is shocking. Or approaching adult women. If someone of any age or sex isn't interacting with you, they are telling you they have no interest in engaging with you. Respect that.