Speeding teen driver - DS a passenger WWYD

[DeadMansBones]

My DS was out with friends last night, DS is 17 driver of the car is 18. I get a notification via life360 app that the car is driving at 102 mph and 67 risky incidents. The route driven was down back roads that are unlit and dangerous. WWYD?

My son is 19 and is a driver. He is pretty responsible but I have drummed into him the stats on road deaths for his age especially when driving with friends. I didn't let him drive with friends for ages. Easier for me because it's our car and my son is the driver and he also had to have a black box for the first year.

I think all you can do is come at it from the angle of "I'm not being controlling, I am just genuinely worried for your safety". Have a calm conversation with him and say that you are willing to give him lifts/pay for taxis rather than have him get in this car again. Say you know you can't stop him, but you are so worried. My son always responds when I tell him my reasons for not allowing him to do something. In fact, being worried is the only reason I ever stop him doing stuff and he knows that so we work together to figure out a solution that we are both happy with. Not easy I know and you have probably already tried this but if not, worth a go?

Not today, from just casual conversations in the past.

I meant the driving details on the life360 app I've only used it for location purposes previously, that's the only reason we installed it.

DS hasn't known him a year, only recently so hadn't been in the car with him that often.

Why are you looking for holes in what I'm saying

I don't want to contact the school and I'm not going to just because some strangers on Mumsnet think I should

Pip do award enhanced mobility for autism - but they have to score 12 points so basically stating they cannot get from A to B without support of another person. If he's driving independently then either he's improved and needs to update Pip of his condition or they lied about the severity of autism to get Pip.

Cars for under 25s on the motability scheme are smaller engines 0.8 or 0.9.

I would be asking my son for the kids name, banning him fom the car, and reporting to both motability and the police.

You have to be their parent, not their friend.

I have 2 young adults with autism both “qualify” for a motability car. Neither of them drive tho as their autism prevents it 🤣

Bloody hell, you're lucky he made it home safely. Can you talk to him about the four boys who died in Wales, and why they died? The 18-year-old driver, Hugo, is thought to have been driving within the speed limit for that road (60mph), but there were sharp bends along it that more experienced drivers would have known to take at a much lower speed and Hugo, having only been driving for six months, did not know.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp953l5704go

There's also the four Essex University students who died during a high-speed car crash:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c17wy9ezn59o

Have a look on iPlayer for this:
Drive Fast Die Young

My son is a learner driver. This situation is highly dangerous and I would be having a very serious chat about it. You cannot really stop him getting in cars, so you need to drum it into him how dangerous it is.
I remember being that age and getting lifts from boys who were showing off, even though we were actually screaming for them to stop. Had a couple of very close misses and wouldn't get in the car again. Also, someone I used to know died in an accident on a country road age 21, after the car went off the road.
It is a really worrying time - driving at that speed isn't cool and I would be trying to make sure my son had enough confidence to tell his friend that and refuse to be a passenger with him.

In these scenarios, it seems to be the passengers that die in speeding collisions. Happened to a boy t my school. Your son seriously needs to understand the consequences of getting in a car with someone who drives like that. How would he feel if the car crashed and killed someone else?

My 12+ points come from a combination of both descriptors on the moving around criteria. Nobody knows how this person meets the threshold for high rate mobility but it might be a combination of points, not just 12 on the one descriptor.

We use the life 360 app and while it may not be 100% accurate it’s not far out. It also doesn’t register a top speed if you hit that briefly. You’ve got to be driving at that speed for a relatively prolonged period.

I think you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Your son is 17, there’s a limit to how much you can control. Can you appeal to his better judgement? It’s possible he was shit scared in a car going at 100mph but doesn’t want to admit it. He may be well aware that his friend was showing off and is a shit, risky driver. If you come down hard he’ll just delete the app. Perhaps try and explain how scared it makes you to think that he’s hurtling along at those speeds and tell him that you’d really prefer it if he wasn’t a passenger in this “boy’s” car again.

@DeadMansBones - Just be aware there is a troll on your thread. I’ve reported and MN have banned but she tends to keep re registering and targeting the threads she’s posted on earlier.

Her MO is to try to goad and upset and act as if you are a complete dimwit for not doing what she has decided you should (contact the school in this instance.)

I haven’t read any details of that tragic incident but surely on lessons we are taught the very basic ‘slow’ for bends/corners? I think saying a new driver would not know this is really strange, at what point of driving so we learn it of not when learning?

Don’t make out it was his fault. It was a tragic accident; have some respect.

What on earth are talking about ? Of course the police won’t do this, they barely investigate reported crimes

I won’t be allowing DS to be a passenger in another teen’s car. The stats for likelihood of an accident when a young male driver has another young passenger is sickening, I was furious the government didn’t do more to restrict young drivers when they had the opportunity this year.

We’ve already started talking to DS about it (15) we’ve agreed we will buy the car, the insurance and the driving lessons but on the condition he will follow our rules (ie no driving at night for the first X months, no young passengers etc). Probably no more than a year, he’s a September baby so will likely learn before his peers, we’ll see how it goes and what kind of driver he is. If he wants to pay for all that himself then I appreciate we can’t really dictate anything. But we are hoping starting a frank and honest conversation explaining the reasons to our concerns (and how other countries do it) that he will understand, he does right now at least!

What is it you think the police will actually do ?

I think he probably did slow down, but not as much as a more experienced driver would. This extract from the inquest explains it:
Mr Thompson said, in his view, Hugo had driven into a bend on the road too fast, causing the vehicle to come off the road.
He said he calculated the maximum theoretical speed around the bend was 38mph.
But he added: "Having driven the bend myself the fastest speed I felt comfortable negotiating the bend was 26mph."
He said the Ford Fiesta had entered that bend at a speed that was in excess of the limit to negotiate it, even though that may well have been below the road's 60mph limit.
In addition, it had been raining, there were dead leaves on the road, and the tyres were underinflated. The main factor was the car's speed, but I think the other factors stacked the odds against the car negotiating the sharp bend safely.
I'm sure Hugo had been taught to slow down on bends, but it was an unfamiliar road, he probably didn't anticipate exactly how steep the bend was, the car would have been heavier than usual with four teenaged boys and all their camping gear in...there are lots of things that a newly qualified teenaged driver wouldn't necessarily consider, or have the experience to deal with.

Interesting! Some posters have been like a dog with a bone

Stupid question but have you talked to him about having a way out of situations and what to do?
like if someone is speeding in the car and he feels it is unsafe or he’s in a place he doesn’t want to be or people are doing stuff?

we had a code word and I could say it any time and my dad would come and get me or send a taxi no questions asked (you have to mean no questions asked or he won’t use it!)
he also told me that saying slow down won’t work on a driver but saying you’re going to be sick often will as they don’t want to ruin their car

I would report the driver to the police. May have to retake their test, which may save their life