Speeding teen driver - DS a passenger WWYD

[DeadMansBones]

My DS was out with friends last night, DS is 17 driver of the car is 18. I get a notification via life360 app that the car is driving at 102 mph and 67 risky incidents. The route driven was down back roads that are unlit and dangerous. WWYD?

Your son needs your strictness as cover. Peer pressure would make it hard for him to say 'no', even if he had a proper appreciation of the risk (which he doesn't, brain not mature) so you have to take the decision out of his hands.
He probably won't be killed or seriously injured, but make decisions you can live with if the worst were to happen to him or his friends.

(I knew a guy who killed someone as a very young driver. He was - apparently - nearly prosecuted for manslaughter. When I met him in his mid-20s, he was the one still being driven around by his friends because he wasn't allowed to hold a driving licence.)

At college. I think part of this boys recklessness is that the car has been paid for through the Motability scheme so it hasn't actually cost him anything, I know that it's a brand new car and not the sort of car a new driver would usually have.

I know when my older son passed the cost of the car and insurance, which he paid for himself, was probably the biggest deterrent for him doing any thing stupid on the car

Thanks for that, I'm probably being sensitive but there have been lots of things about DS recently that have surprised me, he had always been my 'angel' child and never gave me a days bother through his whole childhood. One dodgy relationship changed everything

My teens have Life360 on their phones. We have made it a condition of us paying their phone bills, but when they're 18 they can uninstall it if they wish. DD18 is off at uni now, and chooses to keep Life 360, as she says it helps her feel safe to know that we can check where she is, or can send help directly to her in an emergency.

I would be really shocked by the speeds reported @DeadMansBones, but it's worth noting that Life360 includes any use of a mobile phone as a "risky incident", so if any time your DS (as a passenger) so much as unlocked his phone, clicked on anything etc., each would have been recorded as a "risky incident", along with things like heavy breaking, or breaking the speed limit by the driver.

I think we've been lucky so far, in that DD18 has only female friends who have passed their tests, and although she went on one 2hr journey with an 18 year old driver, it was quite sedate. We've had many conversations about the dangers of inexperienced drivers, and I always make myself available for lifts, no matter the time of day or night.

My DDs would be terrified if one of their friends drove at 100mph, so I wouldn't have to do much convincing to stop them accepting lifts going forward, but if your DS "didn't even notice", I would probably resort to showing him some news stories and stats from the last 10 years or so, showing how many teens, particularly boys, are killed on the roads by inexperienced drivers each year. I really hope he listens @DeadMansBones, you must have been terrified.

But there's nothing she can do with that information. There is absolutely nothing in this incident that is legally provable. And going to the person's parents is likely to be counter-productive, as OP's son will be furious and block life 360. Also she doesn't know the parents and they are almost certainly going to stick up for their son and just say the app was wrong.

She'll no longer have her son's trust, and will have achieved nothing. Her options are extremely limited.

Well, there you have it. A Motability car can only be driven by an authorised driver who is using the the car for the benefit of the disabled person. You can report them, they’ll investigate and the car can be removed. Now, assuming the disabled person is a parent who needs the car, they would be mightily pissed off. Tell your son this, get the parents’ names.

There's a rural road not far from me that has a long straight stretch, and someone recently got a ban for doing 120mph on it.

If the driver goes to your son’s college, then report it to the college. A first name and the fact they know your son will be enough for the college to work it out. Also, you know the car he drives by the sound of it? So that makes it easy to identify him!

I totally get parenting teens and having to trust that they are out and about with whoever is difficult… but you cannot let this one work itself out, the consequences are too potentially lethal. The driver needs a reality check and if you don’t report him, to his parents, college or the police, your son sees that you are not challenging the behaviour. Yes he’s 17, but he’s still legally a child and you are still responsible for ensuring his safety. Yes it’s so much more difficult when they are this age, but it’s even more important with these sorts of situations.

He is the disabled person. He is neuro divergent as far as I'm aware

If you’re close to Silverstone get him on this. Or look for something similar nearby. https://www.carkraft.info/

Ah, yes, that makes it different.

If he can't drive safely, he shouldn't be driving at all.

Are you saying ND is the disability or he has a physical disability?

I don't know entirely but I think he is autistic and that is the disability and why he gets the DLA and car

I agree. My dd is 18 and I would doing everything possible to ensure she wasn’t in that car again, and that the lad driving was reported and his parents made aware. I would be incredibly grateful to another parent if I was made aware of a situation like this.
A friend of mine had a friend killed along with other teenagers, when they were all in sixth form. This is a long time ago now, decades, but he still hates having to drive down that road as it’s so upsetting to remember his friend, so young and full of life and promise.

You’re right. Not many 18 year olds will want to be forthcoming with names and addresses of their (adult) mates and you can’t be going round wanting a word with the parents of an adult, either. I think some people give advice based on what they think they would do, or have younger kids and think parenting older kids is the same as parenting younger ones. In some cases you could even end up biting off more than you could chew- not everyone is going to welcome you contacting them about their child’s driving.

All of which is why I said just call the police. That’s what I would do. My eldest is 19. I would just forget the rest and go the police route.

I'd be very surprised if being autistic qualified him for a car like you've described.

I have a friend with severe MS and she had to jump through a lot of hoops to get help to buy a car .

I really don't know. It was just a vague conversation with DS about what a nice car this boy has and how he came to afford it

DS is also very aware about what can happen in bad car accident just a few months ago a boy he knew when he was young had to have a limb amputated at the roadside when being cut out of a wreckage. He's lucky to be alive.

Unfortunately DS is just going through an extremely irresponsible phase right now and common sense doesn't seem to be coming easily to him

I think you're possibly mistaken.
They don't give cars to lads of 18 who are ND.

Who knows, it's just second hand information from DS. It's a car that would be worth £25000 for the most basic model brand new, and he's had it from brand new. I have no idea how he would afford it otherwise

I’m sorry, it is a really difficult situation to be in, but please help your DS by trying to put this driver right in his actions. It makes me go cold when I think about the fatalities with teenagers involved. A boy I went to school with was in a coma after crashing through some woods as an 18year old driver, he came through it thankfully but I guess I’m just unlucky to know personally of so many accidents.
One other poster who suggested if he ever does get back in the car, to religiously track and phone police whilst it’s happening.. a good suggestion if it comes down to that as a last resort. The driver won’t stop until he has to, either he’s caught or he crashes. I’m surprised with the prices of teen insurance that he hasn’t had to have a black box fitted!

I recently undertook a long drive. According to Life360, my top speed was 96mph. In actual fact, my top speed was 72mph. Another recent journey recorded 19 risky events. Goodness knows that they were - it was a sedate drive along quiet roads with no heavy braking or fast acceleration. It may be that the driver really was speeding and taking risks, but I wouldn't automatically take Life360's reports as gospel.

No no no there are so many horrible incidents and fatalies reported of newly passed teenage drivers. Speak firmly to your son, and his parents, and i would be speaking to the local police as well.
Too many young (mainly) men are losing their lives and those of their friends with their show-off driving

You need to get the other boys parents details, you must be able to get them somehow and let them know. He is risking people’s lives with this behaviour, including your sons.

My parents were ridiculously relaxed - probably as I was a really cautious safe driver. I didn’t have a curfew etc, I was one of the first to drive and everyone let their children in the car with me
my dad said 1 year, no parking tickets, no speeding, no crashes, no nothing and I could have a new car so nothing was ruining that for me

but this… they would have gone fucking NUCLEAR on me