Male friend stole my phone to look at my nudes

[LostStars39]

It’s a bit of a weird one and something I never expected would happen, please bear with as it’s so long but I don’t want to leave anything out.

I threw a party last week and I had a few friends over including me and DPs couple friend Kate and Tom (names changed obviously)
myself and DP have been really good friends with Kate and Tom for years now and all get on really well.

Last Saturday night of the party we were all having a great night, everyone was very drunk and drinks were flowing and we were playing games and just generally having fun. We all had a bit of coke but it wasn’t a massive bender or anything (might be relevant later)

Fast forward to about 2am and it starts winding
down, there are a few other people round who get taxis home but Kate and Tom stay over in our spare room as we’d planned.

I sleep with a Bluetooth eyemask and play music to help me fall asleep, I was quite tired and fell asleep quite quickly. A couple of hours later, around 5am I heard the door of the spare room going and assumed Kate or Tom needed the toilet (the only toilet I have in my house is my en-suite) although the sleep mask is good I’m a light sleeper and still hear most noises.
I try going back to sleep as I don’t hear any other movement. Suddenly my music cuts out and I can hear weird noises and a voice that sounds like myself through the eyemask. I jolt upright in bed feeling completely confused and disorientated. The noises I can hear playing is moaning and sounds like porn but also sounds like myself. DP is fast asleep next to me.
I go to grab my phone on my bedside table which is charging next to me but it’s not there. I was pretty drunk when I came up to bed so check under pillows, under the bed etc and then finally think to check my charger lead, it’s not plugged in.

I turn my lamp on and start walking out my room to try and find out what the hell is going on and Tom is sat outside my door holding my phone in one hand and his in another. I grab my phone back and ask him what the fuck he’s doing with my phone and he looks disoriented and sheepish and just keeps stuttering saying sorry and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He then eventually says he was being a pervert and that he “doesn’t have a boner” I’m really confused so get back into bed while Tom goes to the toilet. While toms in the toilet I wake DP and tell him somethings happened as by this point I’m terrified. Tom comes out the toilet and I pretend to be asleep as I can’t process anything right now. DP and Tom say a couple of words to each other but toms mostly completely out of it.

when Tom goes back to bed I tell DP everything and that I think Tom was watching porn on my phone, I then open my phone to see what it was and turns out Tom has gone into my “hidden photos folder” on iPhone that you need Face ID or passcode for and has been looking through my nudes and videos of myself with sex toys etc I’d sent of myself to DP around 3 years ago when we first got together! I’m absolutely mortified and was nearly sick when I realised. I never go looking in that folder and just save things I wouldn’t want in my main photo album in there. I guess I feel partly to blame as I don’t know why I’d kept the videos but they were saved in a private album!

i felt completely violated and disgusted and the next morning just pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to see Tom until he went home.

I told DP everything on the night and he’s absolutely disgusted too. Tom never sleeps the night of taking coke so I don’t know if he’d been planning it the whole time he was awake or what. I remembered I’d told him the passcode to my phone that night so he could sort the music on my phone so that’s how he’d gotten into the private album.

I haven’t spoken to Tom since and he hadn’t told Kate, I messaged her the day after explaining everything and she confronted him and kicked him out. He’s now back living with her but staying in the living room, but they also work together and are very codependent. Kate is my best friend and she’s heartbroken but I feel due to codependency she will stay with him.

The 4 of us have lots of gigs, meals, events and a couple of holidays coming up and I just don’t know what to do.

Tom is going to get therapy and has sent an apology card but I still can’t face talking to him.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this but just wanted to get it off my chest.

I've been in a few houses like this, they do exist..

The weirdest thing about this is why you would rent or buy an at-least 2 bed house where the only toilet is through your bedroom!

It’s wrong what he did but as wrong as supporting the class A Coke trade 🤢🤮 a lot worse happens to women and children that are forced to create the supply up your nose. Grim

Sorry I don’t think this is true. He went to the toilet - you woke your husband - told him what happened but managed to be back in bed pretending to be asleep before he came out the toilet (in your bedroom)…..

and if it is true he definitely download onto his phone…..

coke ……. Really!

You aren't getting to sleep at 2am if you've been taking coke. That's bs.

'playing games'. Like what?

The whole tone of your OP sounds very flowery but the issue is rather disturbing. It doesn't sound right. It sounds like the prefix for a porn movie. And you filming yourself moaning whilst playing with a variety of sex toys, nah. Not buying it sorry.

Well that was stupid, wasn't it? What's the point of a passcode if you are going to hand it out to people? I'm amazed he remembered it several hours later after a ton of booze and some coke.

I can't conceive of a premeditated plan where a man would pretend to be drunker than he was, find a way to get your passcode on the pretence of needing it to 'sort the music' then creep into your room at night (while you sleep next to your husband and his wife is in the next room) and manage to snatch your phone with the intention of searching for your sex videos in a hidden folder and even more amazingly, actually managing to find them. Unless he knew they were there because you'd told him? Perhaps your tongue loosens with the coke? Even then, it's all a bit of a stretch and a risk and amazing thing to pull off at 5am in a couple of minutes flat, isn't it?

It sounds like one of those TV thriller/dramas where completely implausible things happen.

It sounds like he was using Airdrop to send stuff from your phone to his phone. How would he even think to access your photos - especially your private folder - when he was only supposed to be sorting the music? I’m reaching here but I don’t suppose he already knew about the folder because your DP told him?

I just didn’t want to quote the entire op. Are you new to the internet?

Wow nice bit of victim blaming there.

Then the protocol is to highlight your quote in some way using bold, italics or speech marks, so we can tell the difference between the quoted poster's words and your response to them.

Are you new to the internet?

Well he can’t have been that drunk if he remembered your passcode.

Disgusting animal.

My first reaction is that your husband should beat the shit out of him. But that’s not obviously the solution. Sorry x x x

You are in no way to blame. He is a creepy privacy invader.

That said - keeping that sort of material on your phone or in the cloud is a recipe for disaster. With the advent of AI you could end up the star of a fully fledged porno. This sort of content should be protected and offline.

An awful lot of bad stuff happened at drug and drink fuelled parties when I was a teen/early twenties. Things an awful lot worse than this. They are messy, confusing and bring out the very worst in people.

These types of houses go for upwards of 400k where I live, most people have to compromise when buying a house in this environment.

OP he must have known beforehand about the videos in the private folder, but who told him?

He had her phone password from when he was using it to play music for the party.

Weird that he was so out of it but could remember a passcode you apparently told him earlier 🤔 🧐

There may well be reasons to troll-hunt on this post, but the bathroom situation is not one of them.

Only on MN, with all the 6-figure incomes, can people have never come across houses where the only bathroom is through the main bedroom.

Go to any large town, and a proportion of small terraced houses will have this set-up, due to not having had an internal bathroom when built, and having 3 rooms, one of which can only be accessed through the main bedroom. Often the staircase has been moved to get even this amount of privacy, as the stairs were originally put at one end of the house, opening into a bedroom, and the three bedrooms all opened off eachother. This set-up was very normal in Welsh mining towns, and lots of those terraces have a second staircase that is now used as storage.

The other option is to put the second bedroom beyond the main bedroom, but that comes with its own difficulties - not least of which is that the room beyond the bedroom is usually the smallest and so you end up with a disproportionately large bathroom.

OP has a party where attendees actively partake in illegal substances as well as getting shitfaced drunk. She willingly gives creepy pervert her passcode earlier as they are all shitfaced. She finds him watching videos of her on her phone. She doesn’t call the police there and then- although this was the only suitable action to have taken then as they don’t want the police to find coke.

Yes, and remembered that there was a secret folder with interesting material....
He's a determined man!

You clearly need to cancel all future plans with him and completely cut him out of your life.

You absolutely can sleep if you've had a big of coke, especially when you've been drinking too.

Yes, those exploited teenagers who get drawn into County Lines and never safely get out.

@LostStars39 - completely believe you about the bathroom. A friend of mine had a house like that for a while. I also think he may have airdropped your videos to himself so you really need to check that if you can.

All these people saying to report to the police, what is the crime? Looking through someone’s private folder on their phone that you inadvertently gave them the code for?

Think it’s more certain types of behaviours attract certain types of friendships…