Male friend stole my phone to look at my nudes

[LostStars39]

It’s a bit of a weird one and something I never expected would happen, please bear with as it’s so long but I don’t want to leave anything out.

I threw a party last week and I had a few friends over including me and DPs couple friend Kate and Tom (names changed obviously)
myself and DP have been really good friends with Kate and Tom for years now and all get on really well.

Last Saturday night of the party we were all having a great night, everyone was very drunk and drinks were flowing and we were playing games and just generally having fun. We all had a bit of coke but it wasn’t a massive bender or anything (might be relevant later)

Fast forward to about 2am and it starts winding
down, there are a few other people round who get taxis home but Kate and Tom stay over in our spare room as we’d planned.

I sleep with a Bluetooth eyemask and play music to help me fall asleep, I was quite tired and fell asleep quite quickly. A couple of hours later, around 5am I heard the door of the spare room going and assumed Kate or Tom needed the toilet (the only toilet I have in my house is my en-suite) although the sleep mask is good I’m a light sleeper and still hear most noises.
I try going back to sleep as I don’t hear any other movement. Suddenly my music cuts out and I can hear weird noises and a voice that sounds like myself through the eyemask. I jolt upright in bed feeling completely confused and disorientated. The noises I can hear playing is moaning and sounds like porn but also sounds like myself. DP is fast asleep next to me.
I go to grab my phone on my bedside table which is charging next to me but it’s not there. I was pretty drunk when I came up to bed so check under pillows, under the bed etc and then finally think to check my charger lead, it’s not plugged in.

I turn my lamp on and start walking out my room to try and find out what the hell is going on and Tom is sat outside my door holding my phone in one hand and his in another. I grab my phone back and ask him what the fuck he’s doing with my phone and he looks disoriented and sheepish and just keeps stuttering saying sorry and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He then eventually says he was being a pervert and that he “doesn’t have a boner” I’m really confused so get back into bed while Tom goes to the toilet. While toms in the toilet I wake DP and tell him somethings happened as by this point I’m terrified. Tom comes out the toilet and I pretend to be asleep as I can’t process anything right now. DP and Tom say a couple of words to each other but toms mostly completely out of it.

when Tom goes back to bed I tell DP everything and that I think Tom was watching porn on my phone, I then open my phone to see what it was and turns out Tom has gone into my “hidden photos folder” on iPhone that you need Face ID or passcode for and has been looking through my nudes and videos of myself with sex toys etc I’d sent of myself to DP around 3 years ago when we first got together! I’m absolutely mortified and was nearly sick when I realised. I never go looking in that folder and just save things I wouldn’t want in my main photo album in there. I guess I feel partly to blame as I don’t know why I’d kept the videos but they were saved in a private album!

i felt completely violated and disgusted and the next morning just pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to see Tom until he went home.

I told DP everything on the night and he’s absolutely disgusted too. Tom never sleeps the night of taking coke so I don’t know if he’d been planning it the whole time he was awake or what. I remembered I’d told him the passcode to my phone that night so he could sort the music on my phone so that’s how he’d gotten into the private album.

I haven’t spoken to Tom since and he hadn’t told Kate, I messaged her the day after explaining everything and she confronted him and kicked him out. He’s now back living with her but staying in the living room, but they also work together and are very codependent. Kate is my best friend and she’s heartbroken but I feel due to codependency she will stay with him.

The 4 of us have lots of gigs, meals, events and a couple of holidays coming up and I just don’t know what to do.

Tom is going to get therapy and has sent an apology card but I still can’t face talking to him.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this but just wanted to get it off my chest.

Yeah, I’m not buying the spare room but the only bathroom is an en suite. Sounds like cobblers.

This is just too weird.
what type of phone do you have? It’s hard to imagine that this is possible.

Why on earth would I lie about that? It’s not even particularly relevant to the story

It’s an iPhone

My house was like this until we squeezed a toilet in downstairs. Classic 2 up 2 down Victorian terrace, bathroom in the small extension off the back bedroom (outside toilet only when built).

Something doesn’t sound quite right about the tone of this post - is it actually Ai??

Victim-blaming bullshit. Just because something isn’t your bag, that doesn’t mean it’s ‘grim’. Nobody has done anything wrong except the vile individual who stole his friend’s phone to wank over her private images.

Please report this to the police

No it’s not AI 🙄

First of all if you want to delete all those pics and videos. None of them are truly private.

Go to the police.

Do not see him again. He sounds terrifying coming into your bedroom like that without a bother on him.. and get kate away from him.

Don't feel guilty. It is your phone. Have whatever you want on it. He's a disgusting creep

Bloody hell some of the responses here are awful. The OP has been violated. She doesn’t deserve to be harassed and scrutinised over how many toilets are in her house or their location. Even if she has twenty toilets he still planned to use her phone to violate her. He is a revolting human being.

Those suggesting calling the police, are you not worried they might want a word about the (highly relevant imo) use of class A drugs? Maximum sentence is 7 years for possession, and depending on the whys and wherefores there is potential for supply.

He may have airdropped these to himself. You need to ask Kate to check his phone and understand that it’s up to her or you’re calling the police. She may find more on there that she isn’t comfortable with. Also, delete that folder so this doesn’t happen again.

I think you need to contact the police. If he’s copied them, those images could be anywhere now. And if they’re not and they’re still ‘just’ on his phone, then a short sharp reminder about the potential consequences of forwarding them on might do him the world of good. You might not want to relive it, but you’re not going to have much choice if those videos get into the public domain.

The 4 of us have lots of gigs, meals, events and a couple of holidays coming up and I just don’t know what to do You cancel them all. Or you tell Kate that you’ll sell her tickets and refund her whatever you get for them, but that you won’t be spending time in Tom’s company ever again. This man is a predator.

And, as an aside and completely unrelated to the above situation because none of what happened was your fault, you’re a grown adult. What the fuck are you still doing taking coke? Grow the fuck up.

Sorry, but this is another AI special

This.

Stop using coke,
Stop making porn videos of yourself,
Stop telling anyone other than your dh that they exist (Tom did not randomly guess that you had videos on your phone, someone told him).

And find some better friends.

Some of the smaller Victorian terraces were built with stairs running across the width of the house. You have the entrances to two main rooms at the top of stairs. There will be a third room in the back extension only accessible from one of the main rooms. The third room is then converted to a bathroom when having them indoors became a thing.

This would have been before the introduction of building regulations in the 1960s.

I agree with those who say report him to police.

Can't understand why everyone is hung up on the bathroom situation.......having to go through the bedroom to access the bathroom is common in older (( cheaper, often landlord specials)) houses. The original set up would have been a 3 bed house with boxroom off the main bedroom and an outside loo / tin bath.....I've been in at least 3 houses with that set up. Some convert to take some of the biggest bedroom and make a corridor but if the bedroom isn't big enough then that's the option they go for.

Weird creep. I would be livid with him.

I'm pmsl at the twats on here who are saying the OP is making it up about the bathroom situation - I'm in a house like this right now!

Classic Victorian terrace. There are millions like it.

....is this a name change fail? Sounds like the OP then someone else at the end??