If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

[Colouroutsidethelines]

How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

It’s the schools response you should be focused on - they need to temporarily exclude him. They need to have a 2-1 ratio with him.

Meant to add I hope you are ok, I’ve been hurt by children at school and it’s hard. Not as badly so sending sympathy x

There are no more staff/ no funding apparently. School are dealing with it but I’m specifically asking about how, as a parent in that situation, you would react.

Thank you x

The school is responsible for detailing any incidents, updating behaviour support plans, offering training to staff on how to manage these incidents and the teacher making contact with parents to support them and the child going forward

I was thrown across the classroom by child when I was 8 months pregnant, luckily everything was ok, not sure anything the parent would have said would change anything, the child was out of control, I wasn’t even working with him, his TA had already reported that he needed 2 to 1 and he was waiting an assessment.
Sounds like they need 2 to 1 care.

I’m a teacher in a special school. These things happen but I would be looking to make sure it didn’t happen again, I would be questioning why there was a large log available for the child to pick up and use as a weapon, why the TA was positioned in such a way that the child was able to hit her over the head and why the other adult didn’t see before it happened. We reinforce with all staff that you shouldn’t have your back to children and shouldn’t be in a position where you are on the ground whilst children are stood around you. I’d also expect on a ratio of 2:4 at least one TA should have had eyes on the child especially around things like logs. Obviously these things do happen and staff are only human, but I wouldn’t be looking to blame the child in this situation, I’d be expecting staff to review their practice. It was lucky that the child targeted an adult and not a peer in this situation where neither TA had eyes on him!

Very articulate and yet he hit you over the head with a log? I just don’t believe he didn’t know that was wrong. He needs to be suspended, he’s too much of a risk to those around him. I hope you’re okay.

I imagine I would feel very apologetic, but then until we've been in that situation it's hard to know.
I expect they are very tired, and very used to it themselves at home.

This has happened with my now grown up child more than once. I am always mortified and apologetic but one one occasion the teacher was even more upset I’d been told even though she was quite badly hurt. So it’s hard as the parent to know what to do in these circumstances.

My ASD child is violent. I would be mortified when told, and would accept whatever course of action the school chose. But I wouldn't even mention it to my child as it would prolong the incident and provoke him again. I would reiterate in a way he understood and at an appropriate time that violence and aggression is not acceptable at all.

then I would encourage the school to provide him with more support and supervision.

sorry this has happened to you.

Maybe your schools are lucky to be well staffed. We unfortunately are not. We have no 1:1 support workers in the whole school. The other staff member was with the remaining children.

There were wooden logs because it’s a garden with natural materials for building.

But again I’m asking how you’d respond as a parent if you heard that news, not how school should deal with it.

If the response wasn’t what you would have expected, do bear in mind the parent may have autism too, and it might not be obvious. My dp is now diagnosed. He often reacts unexpectedly.

My son has hurt a number of members of staff over the years, including broken fingers etc. I am always mortified and concerned for the member of staff who has been hurt. My son is not articulate (barely verbal) and has severe learning disabilities. He has 2:1 support.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’ve had someone look at your head as it sounds serious and you can’t be too careful with head injuries 💐

Mortified.

but I’d also be worried about him, and asking how school would protect you both moving forwards.

I work in a special school and I would be surprised if this happened at ours as the children we have that would do that type of thing are not in any way articulate. Or, an articulate child would have been very dysregulated for that to happen. Sorry it happened to you. We would inform parents of any injury to a peer or staff member - sometimes it is just for information that it is has happened especially if the child might come home dysregulated because of it. I hope your school has had a debrief and updated the child's risk management plan if he/she had one - especially if that behaviour is a new thing.

Why do you want to know how parent would respond?

My autistic child is violent. He has learning difficulties and is developmentally around 1/2 but age 6. I'm not sure if you're asking what I would do if he did this to me or what I would do if I found out he had done this to a teacher? To me…. Honestly I get attacked a lot. I wouldn't have my back to him so he could ever attack me without me seeing. I say no firmly and created distance, try to understand what's led to this. Try to redirect.
To a teacher I would be sad, he does kick his teachers regularly and it makes me feel terrible. We are working closely with the senco on positive behaviours.

I can't imagine what it's like to be able to ask the child why they did that as my son is non speaking.

As I said he is extremely articulate. He was in no way deregulated.

Was the parent not apologetic @Colouroutsidethelines ? Most parents would be mortified. I can imagine some would be so stressed out that they would try to blame the school, is that what happened? Parents are under very much stress. If this happened in school you can imagine It's 10× worse at home.

I'm sorry you were hurt. I'm lucky in the way that my child has only been violent at home and not in school. I do think I would apologise profusely and feel extremely upset if my child had hurt someone.

How does anyone know how they’d deal with it as a parent? It’s like saying how would you react if you found out your husband was cheating or your child was a sex offender. It’s one of those things that you don’t really know how you’d react until it happens.

There will be a large range of different, valid reactions from loving, involved parents.

That is very worrisome indeed. Autistic meltdowns can be violent but they are always deregulated. This seems more psychopathic and if that's the case maybe the parent you met has the same gene why they didn't seem to care.

The parent laughed in my face.

I'd be desperate - part mortified but equally I'd be wondering how you hadn't realised something like this could happen. There'd be upset that it had happened, shame and irritation that things I'd told school could happen had.
I'd probably rush away from school out of sheer embarrassment

Then I’m not surprised he acts in this way, it’s a learned behaviour. He shouldn’t be in school at all.