Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

646 replies

Colouroutsidethelines · 29/09/2025 20:17

How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 30/09/2025 01:18

I'd be looking for a different job, op

coxesorangepippin · 30/09/2025 01:20

If you are in a job where you constantly have to have eyes in the back of your head and not let anyone stand behind you, it's a sorry situation and you're probably better off out of it.

80smonster · 30/09/2025 04:58

I’d take this as my klaxon to retrain.

Original poster
Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 05:52

80smonster · 30/09/2025 04:58

I’d take this as my klaxon to retrain.

I have been looking for something else, not found anything yet. I want to leave education altogether as it’s been ran into the ground and it’s the same across many schools now, especially in our area.

OP posts:
CountFucula · 30/09/2025 06:40

The parent sounds as dangerous as the child. You can’t go on there. So sorry it’s happened.

CopperWhite · 30/09/2025 07:03

It is weird that you defend your school so protectively as if there is nothing they can do, yet have such a high expectation of a parent.

If you think you deserve more empathy from a parent than you do from your colleagues and management, then I agree you should find another job.

Harrumphhhh · 30/09/2025 07:16

Uggbootsforever · 29/09/2025 21:16

He’s assaulting people with logs. He could’ve killed her. Autism or not, I can’t see why he is the one in need of protection?

Show quote history

Because he is FOUR?
Bloody hell.

Pigeonenglish · 30/09/2025 07:20

Harrumphhhh · 30/09/2025 07:16

Because he is FOUR?
Bloody hell.

Show quote history

Year Four. Probably eight, possibly nine if September birthday.

arcticpandas · 30/09/2025 07:20

Colouroutsidethelines · 29/09/2025 23:26

These children don’t have a formal diagnosis yet.

Psychopath/sociopath seems a good beginning for investigation. He's articulate and was calm at the moment and wanted to hurt you and went about it in a sneaky way. It's genetic so it makes sense that the parent would laugh. I am so sorry for you.

raven0007 · 30/09/2025 07:34

When incidents like these are reported back to me, as a parent of a disabled child, it makes me sad. Sad for my child and sad for the person who got hurt. It makes me sad that I can’t make it better, and that I can’t be with my child at school to make sure these things don’t happen. Because they don’t happen IF his plan is followed to the letter, never turn your back on him, never be at a level lower than him, watch his triggers etc I understand that some schools, like my child’s are under funded and under staffed, I understand that some schools simply have too many children with high needs, and my son, his peers and his teachers suffer for it.

HennieGirl · 30/09/2025 07:40

Harrumphhhh · 29/09/2025 21:11

Tell me you know nothing about autism without telling me you know nothing about autism…

Show quote history

Oh be quiet
you are part of the problem

HennieGirl · 30/09/2025 07:48

I don't know why so many people are victim blaming you OP. You sound burnt out, sometimes you have to be selfish. Take a day off sick. For your own mental and physical sake. It's not your responsibility to make sure there is ratio there. You've been assaulted and injured, you're within your rights to stay home and recover.

that boy should be expelled. He is a danger to staff and other students. I don't know what the answer is either, but my immediate response would be to have him expelled. He's infringing on the rights for a safe working environment and a safe education for other children. Perhaps if he was expelled his parent who just laughed wouldn't be so quick to laugh then. If the parent is a sociopath too or SEN and 'laughs' at pain in others then they should be a parent. I wonder if they laugh when this kid falls over and scrapes their knee.

Cindyyyy · 30/09/2025 07:54

I feel sorry for you OP and others in your situation. I also feel sorry for the kids who can’t learn because of the disruption.

There needs to be significant changes in education.

SilverLining77 · 30/09/2025 07:55

I used to work in special education. Parent laughing at injured staff is imho more concerning than the child with potential SEN needs, and a poor predictor of any future work with the family. Especially combined with school's lack of funding. I'd assume they have issues themselves and would immediately look for a different job.

Harrumphhhh · 30/09/2025 08:05

HennieGirl · 30/09/2025 07:40

Oh be quiet
you are part of the problem

Show quote history

Really? How?

WhatNoRaisins · 30/09/2025 08:05

Judging from the mums behaviour she doesn't sound like a nice person but all you can do is not expect too much from her. She probably isn't going to be much help for the school to work with when it comes to helping her child if she thinks that kind of assault is something to laugh about.

Agree with PP, I'd be getting out of this shit show. While I think inclusion is very important safety has to come first and this job doesn't sound safe.

PicaK · 30/09/2025 08:06

I can only think that parent has ptsd. Stuff like that happening to him/her all the time and they've lost the ability to empathise. Or laughed out of awkwardness.
What matters is how hurt you are.

Kendodd · 30/09/2025 08:16

bittertwisted · 29/09/2025 23:32

Having been the parent many years ago I was always told NOT to approach teachers or other parents

it didn’t mean I wasn’t mortified or sympathetic or anything less than sorry

i was told not to

Show quote history

Who told you that and what was their reasoning?
If my child violently attacked someone else, 100%, I would speak to that person/their parent and apologise. If I was told not to, unless by the police, I would ignore that and apologise anyway, even if it had to be by letter.

triballeader · 30/09/2025 08:35

Been there and got there and got the torn T-shirt.

My eldest DS has a risk assessment in place. At school he had 1:1 as 2:1 staffing ratios set him off more than 1:1. I was always defcon1 for his very specialised school, tier4 CAHMS, police and all.The suggestion that any one of them would have to call me to let me know what he was doing due to his behaviour was the only thing that could bring compliance and a willingness to pause and listen. I used positive rewards, enhanced communication, low arousal interventions and plain old love you but this behaviour is not okay and must stop now attitude.

He did once badly injure a special teacher that set off a formal investigation. I let him know I was appalled that his actions had put someone new to teaching at the specialised school in hospital. Sadly said teacher had failed to take his risk management seriously, failed to realise that it clearly stated under no circumstances to physically touch him and allow him to move freely, then went up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Teacher was off for nearly six months. DS was not sanctioned as teacher had failed to follow his risk management plans. I did however work hard with the school to come up with a system of rewards he could earn at school to bring home in exchange for things he liked the most to do at home. (Time on Xbox, music, fave food, etc) He did formally apologise for his reaction to the teacher a year on.

That said DS was in a very specialised school not an ordinary special school because of his complex and challenging needs due to autism and MH.

Tess592 · 30/09/2025 08:37

I'd have been mortified if it was mine (who has ASD) just as i was when he went through a delightful stage of tripping over other kids because he had been to the circus and thought he was like the clowns doing slapstick.

This kid isn't a psychopath, but he did something dangerous and that does need dealing with. Punishing him alone really isn't the answer though - he might not even care about the punishment. But he needs to have what he's done talked through with him to see if anything comes to light to help understand where this came from. I worked at an SEN school and we had a real problem with couple kids using racist language over and over against a particular boy, they got in huge trouble every time but nothing changed. I then happened to be doing a world flags puzzle with them and they found out the word they were using (Afghan) was actually just a person from a particular country. They'd picked this 'insult' up from an older brother and had no understanding of what they were saying. They never said it again because it no longer made sense to them.

He's articulate but he's obviously struggling with empathy and understanding the consequences of his actions and needs help and support with that too.

His parents also really need to be brought into school and be talked to about this serious incident. This is even more important after the parents reaction to you OP, I'd be very concerned about that and would think that social services might need to be involved here. If the parent also laughs when the child gets hurt then it's really not surprising he doesn't have any empathy for anyone else. I would imagine the parents reaction is due to them also being autistic. Try not to take it personally OP, who knows what this poor kid might be going through at home.

At the end of the day though OP it is the school that is failing everyone. The SLT can't just be 'too busy' to deal with serious incidents, and if they are then the head should be getting involved. At the very least the class teacher should be speaking to the parents , it's not appropriate for a TA to be left to talk to a parent about an incident like this that happened to them. You are under the class teacher and they should be dealing with this or taking it higher.

This school sounds like a complete disaster, by the sounds of it they've just dumped these kids on a couple of TA's and left you to it. I promise you there are plenty of schools that are not like this, where you would not be left completely unsupported especially after an incident like this and where your experience would be appreciated. You need to get out of there OP.

Original poster
Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 11:53

raven0007 · 30/09/2025 07:34

When incidents like these are reported back to me, as a parent of a disabled child, it makes me sad. Sad for my child and sad for the person who got hurt. It makes me sad that I can’t make it better, and that I can’t be with my child at school to make sure these things don’t happen. Because they don’t happen IF his plan is followed to the letter, never turn your back on him, never be at a level lower than him, watch his triggers etc I understand that some schools, like my child’s are under funded and under staffed, I understand that some schools simply have too many children with high needs, and my son, his peers and his teachers suffer for it.

Unfortunately staff are human and might have had to momentarily turn their back for a second to deal with another child etc We can’t have eyes everywhere, especially with no 1:1 and classrooms with half of children presenting with SEN. Everything could be a trigger and it’s just not possible to cater to each need.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 11:54

Tess592 · 30/09/2025 08:37

I'd have been mortified if it was mine (who has ASD) just as i was when he went through a delightful stage of tripping over other kids because he had been to the circus and thought he was like the clowns doing slapstick.

This kid isn't a psychopath, but he did something dangerous and that does need dealing with. Punishing him alone really isn't the answer though - he might not even care about the punishment. But he needs to have what he's done talked through with him to see if anything comes to light to help understand where this came from. I worked at an SEN school and we had a real problem with couple kids using racist language over and over against a particular boy, they got in huge trouble every time but nothing changed. I then happened to be doing a world flags puzzle with them and they found out the word they were using (Afghan) was actually just a person from a particular country. They'd picked this 'insult' up from an older brother and had no understanding of what they were saying. They never said it again because it no longer made sense to them.

He's articulate but he's obviously struggling with empathy and understanding the consequences of his actions and needs help and support with that too.

His parents also really need to be brought into school and be talked to about this serious incident. This is even more important after the parents reaction to you OP, I'd be very concerned about that and would think that social services might need to be involved here. If the parent also laughs when the child gets hurt then it's really not surprising he doesn't have any empathy for anyone else. I would imagine the parents reaction is due to them also being autistic. Try not to take it personally OP, who knows what this poor kid might be going through at home.

At the end of the day though OP it is the school that is failing everyone. The SLT can't just be 'too busy' to deal with serious incidents, and if they are then the head should be getting involved. At the very least the class teacher should be speaking to the parents , it's not appropriate for a TA to be left to talk to a parent about an incident like this that happened to them. You are under the class teacher and they should be dealing with this or taking it higher.

This school sounds like a complete disaster, by the sounds of it they've just dumped these kids on a couple of TA's and left you to it. I promise you there are plenty of schools that are not like this, where you would not be left completely unsupported especially after an incident like this and where your experience would be appreciated. You need to get out of there OP.

Edited

They aren’t in class with a teacher at all so all dealings with parents is from us two staff who manage the unit.

He has been excluded for 2 days.

OP posts:
alfonzi · 30/09/2025 12:03

Glad to hear he has been excluded, OP.
I hope you feel better soon.

HennieGirl · 30/09/2025 12:07

Harrumphhhh · 30/09/2025 08:05

Really? How?

Show quote history

because upthread you said 'tell me you know nothing about autism without telling me' which is a very unoriginal line to downplay people's experiences and knowledge about SEN.

'Knowing' about autism does not exempt the child assaulting and endangering others and the OP is completely within her rights to lash out, be angry at the parent who laughed in her face, and to want the child to be excluded. And I'm glad to see he was excluded for 2 days.

autism isnt a get out of jail free card. I understand that not all conventional consequences will work on some autistic kids, but the OP being physically assaulted, victim blamed on here and then to have the parent laugh at her is awful. And calling that out isn't 'not knowing anything about autism.'

PSA: I am AuDHD and my daughter who is 4 is on the pathway.

Original poster
Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 12:12

CopperWhite · 30/09/2025 07:03

It is weird that you defend your school so protectively as if there is nothing they can do, yet have such a high expectation of a parent.

If you think you deserve more empathy from a parent than you do from your colleagues and management, then I agree you should find another job.

I don’t defend them. I’m just relaying back what we are told, that there is no funding for more staff. He has been excluded.

I didn’t realise empathy when someone is badly hurt was a high expectation before reading these answers!

OP posts: