If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

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How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

I would be mortified. I’d want to know how the TA was and I’d want to know what happened directly leading up to the event. I would want to display and model empathy.
My son has autism and moderate learning disabilities and has always been educated in an autism specialist school with high staffing levels.
We have always worked with the school and them with us to find out triggers, anxieties, the reasons ‘why’. I do talk to him about things that happen in school, not in an accusing way but to talk it over and see what his thoughts are. My fears were always for when he was older and bigger than me.
He is nearly 19 and can still be violent but a lot of his challenging behaviours can be managed now with a lot of support for his anxieties and knowing his triggers. This has taken us years, years working with the school and I’m convinced we wouldn’t have the son we have today without all that work. That’s not to say we don’t have major issues; we do. Just different issues now he’s older.

I would be annoyed that the school allowed my child to be in a situation where they could hurt someone, whether it was not staffing them correctly or a TA who wasn’t trained or experienced enough. It’s not fair on the TA or the child. Both should have an expectation of being safe at school and I have an expectation of the EHCP being adhered to.

I would also be incredibly apologetic towards the member of staff who was hurt.

It sounds like bad parenting could be an issue here, along with any behaviour due to autism. I can’t believe any responsible parent would simply laugh in your face - that just isn’t an appropriate reaction at all.

I hope the school has your back.

Not sure why you’re being like that when all I was asking is how you’d like them to respond?!

All of us so far have said we’d be mortified. Most normal decent folk wouldn’t laugh in your face, surely you know that?

We are told repeatedly that there isn’t funding. There are no specialist provision places in our area. We have ZERO 1:1 support workers in the entire school which is three form entry school.

Some classes have nearly half of children presenting with SEN needs. Schools simply can’t cope.

These 4 children have been deemed the most challenging and disruptive and can’t be in class at all. These children rest simply have to get on with it. And that includes the staff and other children who sadly can’t learn because of it.

It’s a broken system. I still try my very best every day and give it my all. I really do.

TA’s aren’t paid enough to put up with this. I actually think that TA pay is a national scandal.

if I was the parent I’d be mortified,
possibly defensive, and probably full of frustration and despair.

I have been there a long time and very experienced.

Excuse the typos. I’m emotionally drained and in pain.

Do you not realise that shock or embarrassment might have prevented then from giving you a response you deem acceptable?

It seems completely unprofessional to be seeking empathy and concern from a parent, especially one who has just been told that their child has had a major behavioural incident.

This is why the school should be doing better and keeping recently injured TAs away from the parent of the child who caused the injury.

I wasn’t doubting you but I was answering your question about how I would feel if it was my child.

TAs (and teachers) should be safe at work. Sometimes it’s a lack of training or experience but other times it’s because the school aren’t providing the 1:1 that an EHCP dictates should be there (or share the 1:1).

In my option, schools, staff, parents, and children around the country and be failed all the time.

That is quite telling if you have zero children with 1:1 in the school, likely to be that the management team is not strong in completing EHCNAs effectively and evidencing the need. It's pretty obvious that taking the four children with the highest level of need and most challenging behaviour and putting them together based on the behaviour with two staff members to effectively baby sit is a rubbish solution for everyone. You say you are poorly paid and you don't sound experienced with specialist education (and no shame in that at all it's a great job writing as a TA when used properly but your school is taking the mick) when it sounds like these children need highly specialised staff delivering proper interventions because it's short sighted to think this behaviour will magically resolve and children only grow bigger and stronger with more capability to hurt others and themselves.

Unprofessional for thinking one human might show/ model empathy for another human.

The SLT’s time is taken up with dealing with behavioural problems/ safeguarding/ meetings all day long. No one else was available to relay the information to the parent.

We used to have a wonderful school. The fabulous head retired. A new head took over and started a staffing restructuring, getting rid of all the 1:1 support staff.

When we had some recent autism training from the local council, the woman couldn’t believe we had no support at all in the school.

TAs (and teachers) should be safe at work. Sometimes it’s a lack of training or experience but other times it’s because the school aren’t providing the 1:1 that an EHCP dictates should be there (or share the 1:1).

Even in special schools with plenty of staff and training and EHCPs, students injure teachers and TAs. They don’t deserve it anymore than mainstream teachers and TAs. Staff and training can minimise some potential injuries, but not all. Unless, as a society, we want to go back to the days of drugging children into zombies and locking them away in institutions, injuries will happen.

This.
My child has been aggressive to staff. I've been very upset privately but with my child I try to focus on what the school's response is, if they ask to meet us with him obviously I would do that and back them up with whatever the consequences are. And reinforce the no violence message. I have apologised to staff but they point out that its outside my control and I am not responsible. Doesn't stop me feeling embarrassed. I have gotten him to make a card for anyone he has hurt - even unintentionally.
But just to add he has never hurt anyone badly or hit them with a log.

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

I’m so sorry for you. You must be exhausted and sore.

Mumsnet isn’t a great place for the victims of ND children, it’s more a support group for their parents.

I hope you feel better soon and something is done to immediately protect you better in future

I expect you have thought of this but just because a knock on the head can shock anyone I also hope it was all recorded properly in the accident book? And if it's still causing you pain or problems concentrating and you can't go into work on another day make sure it's recorded as a direct result of a work related injury.

Sometimes my son lashes out at his assistant or another child, it isn't as bad as what you experienced. When his assistant tells me , I tell him off and make him go to his room for a couple of hours. I really hate when he does this, it makes me feel awful and helpless but I would rather know. Sorry you had to go through that and I hope you're ok

It's awful what happened to you it really is.

As a parent I would be mortified but also hoping that this may lead to my child getting the support they needed.

My child has SEN and their needs haven't been met by school which is an ongoing battle. I sometimes wished they would show how much they struggled in the environment as because they were compliant in school and caused no problems for staff it meant that no one took their needs on board. By contrast the pupils that caused problems for the school generally ended up with the support they needed

It is unprofessional to be the so called professional and expect empathy from the parent in this situation, yes. Where was your empathy for the parent who is being given upsetting information about their child?

The point is, you shouldn’t be expected to feel like professional I’m sure you usually are when a child has just whacked you round the head with a lump of wood. You say you’re still in pain now, but if it was that bad then the school should be sending you to the hospital or at least home to seek advice about concussion. For both the parent’s sake and yours, you shouldn’t have been talking to them. It doesn’t matter how busy SLT think they are, you shouldn’t be in a position to be receiving the parents reaction. They are failing you, and you need to make sure they know the extent of your injury.

Chuck the job in OP, there’s much safer jobs to do than working with little horrors like him.

So it's your fault you got assaulted??

To be honest, the whole doped and put away schtick still has to happen to keep society safe. These days you get carers in tiny council flats not a big room in a lovely huge posh house with trained staff, so that’s the difference.

No one has the right to be violent. The rights of anyone - ND or NT - don’t outweigh the rights of every other individual not be attacked.

The upside for the ND child is that care and management for adult life is a hell of a lot better if they were diagnosed young, rather than if they were NT and became, say, schizophrenic at 16.

(Not that schizophrenics are particularly as violent, but you get the picture.)

Care and protection from/for NDs might be shit, but it’s a lot worse for NTs.

Oh yes, keep that awful assaulted public servant away from us!
How dare they be upset they've been physically assaulted by my child!!

Your school is utterly failing both you as an employee and these children. Are these children even receiving an education or are they just lumped somewhere out of sight with a couple of TAs who have to dodge flying sticks? No formal level-of-need assessments, no therapy and no EHCPs is woeful and is asking for something bad to happen.

If the parent truly did laugh in your face when they knew the extent of your injury that’s completely out of order. But equally some parents are put on the spot so often about their DC’s behaviour the defence mechanisms go up and an awkward laugh can happen, almost in disbelief. It’s in no way excusing what happened but equally it’s very hard without knowing the whole context.

You really should be seen by a doctor if your head is still hurting. Your injuries need to be formalised so your school’s shitty approach can be questioned.