I'm having the holiday from hell...

[Appalonia]

I'm on a 2 week holiday in America. A male friend booked himself this holiday by himself and then said, if I could just pay my airfare, he'd love it if I came with him just aa friends, as it would be more fun. I thought about it and since I thought we got on pretty well, I'd go for it. However it's turning into an absolute nightmare!

One example he hired a Mustang car for a road trip and then had a meltdown that my big suitcase wouldn't fit in the boot
Without checking if it did, he then threatened to leave me on my own whilst he went on this road trip. , I was so upset I left the hotel room and desperately looked fir a room for myself, but it would have been over £1k. He also keeps throwing it back on my face how much he's paid for his accommodation, even tho, it would have cost the same if I wasn't there.

I feel very vulnerable and annoyed at myself for going on this holiday. He's acting like he's on the holiday by himself, with no consideration for me, like not caring if I need to eat or anything I would like to do. We're in Vegas and all he wants to do is gamble. There's so much more going on, he's like a child constantly having tantrums raising his voice at me telling me I'm ridiculous if I sit down because my back hurts or that I don't feel safe in the car as he's such a nervous driver etc. I'm spending all my time placating him and I'm so upset and fed up.

I don't really know what I want from this post and I feel like it's my own fault for putting myself in such a vulnerable situation but I feel really alone and I can't say anything to him as I know he'll just kick off again...

In the OPs shoes I’d see if I can get a cheap flight from Vegas to San Francisco, book an air BNB there and continue the holiday on my own. But I guess that depends on her funds.

I think the problem is he thinks he paid for the trip so now he owns her for the duration.

Honestly, I'd split up now op and if all you can afford to go is go home, do that.

Money.

It sounds awful, I would go home early if you can.

I found myself in a similarly vulnerable situation once while on a road trip in the US with a male friend. We did plan the trip together and split costs, so that was all good. He was older than me and physically much larger. We got on well for the most part, but one evening he got super pissed off about some random comment I made and went way over the top about it. He was so mad it really frightened me and I became very aware of how far away from home I was with a man who very few of my close circle knew. I was early 20s and quite naive. Realistically it was silly to go away with him but aside from that row I actually had an amazing time. Our friendship petered out shortly after though as I never quite felt the same after the scary way he'd reacted.

Travelling with people is surprisingly intimate and everything is heightened because people have expectations of what they want from each day, and then there's tiredness from travel etc. A road trip only elevates all this even further.

Well, from her S and B thread, it was always primarily a trip to Las Vegas for her poker-playing friend to gamble, with a short road trip involving visits to Yosemite and Death Valley (DV is only about a couple of hours drive from LV, just over the Californian border).

Originally he was going solo, then he suggested the OP join him.

It’s not clear to me what the OP thought she would be doing while he hit the casinos, though, or whether she thought that he’d change the whole trip if she came.

There’s not a whole lot to do in the city unless you’re eating, drinking or gambling, though there’s a lot of great hiking in the vicinity — but from the S and B thread, the OP is an urban type who has never hiked, doesn’t have boots or appropriate clothes etc, so I suppose either she flies somewhere else or goes home?

It sounds hideous. Can you link up with other people whilst there? There might be Meetups?

I bailed on a holiday in Australia. Supposed to be a month staying with friends but in their rental property - off season - after 3 days, I telephoned the airport to change flights to the next available and bailed.
Called the airport from the local cafe after sitting up the rest of the night because the friends tried to come to my room for sex.

Changing flights could not have been easier. I was in the air by 2pm that afternoon.
What I am trying to say is that it’s an easy thing to get yourself safely home, even if you need to book a night in an airport hotel. The USA is a really easy place to get away from.

Is he like an online friend and you'd never met him before?
If yes, it was a really crazy thing to do.
I'd leave silently without a word and book a bus to LA or something. You don't have to tell him anything. Just make up a reason or leave when he's asleep and book a cheap hotel once in LA. Enjoy the beach until your return flight.

Why does it annoy you that they’ve moved between Nevada and California? I’ve done that more than once, it’s not hard.

Seems like a bad idea from both parties.

Obviosuly he is most in the wrong - you don't invite a guest if you have no desire to be a cooperative host. Sounds like he would have been happier on his own, or with someone who shares the same plans/interests.

But also, I think you were a bit silly to agree to go on someone else's holiday, where they have planned, paid and have all the control. Unless you have a great trust or working relationship, best friends for years, or a couple/family, that is always going to be a disaster. Friend holidays can work, but they are mutually planned and paid for situations, not attaching yourself to someone else's existing trip.

if it were me, I would just make the best of it, find small pleasures out of the rest of the trip, and then hopefully lessons learned on both sides.

How far into the 2 weeks are you?

Why on earth does it annoy you they've went from Vegas to California?
That's such a common American road trip!

OP can choose to be a martyr or just go and do things herself, even to the extent of booking another lodging. OK budget might be an issue with moving accommodation, but honestly who goes to the US (or anywhere) without an emergency fund or access to one! I get very impatient with women who are dependent on men or others and cannot or will not make their lives easier and more enjoyable by just doing their own thing if the atmosphere sours, or companions get sick etc.

OK I realise a lot of it comes down to confidence and maybe safety concerns being alone in a foreign place, but as others have said there are tours available and plenty of women travel alone from A to B.

I was in Rome last week with DH. We did one long day seeing the Vatican side, and had another two days mapped out to see ancient Rome. Poor DH got a bad tummy bug and was in bits. He wasn't in any fit condition to go anywhere and took to the bed. I had two choices, I could stay in the hotel room with him (and probably catch the bloody bug) or go on my own. So I went alone. Figured out the metro and google maps directed me the rest of the way. It was so liberating, I could do things at my own pace, linger or move on, etc. My sister couldn't believe I went into the crowds and heat, pickpocket central, and the busyness of Rome on my own. I was so proud of myself. It is easy once you plan it out. I am 68 so no spring chicken either!

The OP starts by saying they’re ‘in’ Vegas, present tense, but then goes on to say they ended up having dinner in California? It’s a long way to go for a pizza.

There’s more context in the previous thread, they’re not road-tripping through the US, the road-trip was into the national parks and back to Vegas as far as I could make out.

Where is your return flight home from and where are you now? And how far into the trip are you? If you can (both physically and financially) make your way to your departure destination and find a cheap place to stay (even a youth hostel), just enjoy the rest of the trip solo on your own terms. You may well just have the best time. Not sure your age but you could meet some lovely friends - even if you’re older- in a hostel. Or just get some books, find a nice spot to sit and read. Find free spots to explore. Find a greyhound bus (or similar) to wherever you need to get to. You can still turn this around and have a lovely solo holiday. I loved travelling solo!
I think this will be so much nicer and more relaxing than your current situation, unless of course you absolutely cannot afford to spend any more.

Except they’re in Vegas. So he can go down to the casino floor and watch it with other golf fans, no matter the time of day. No need to watch it in the shared room.

I'm quite a cynic and I may well be wrong...but my first thought was this...he wanted to go on this holiday with you in the hopes that something romantic might happen. It hasn't and he's now pissed off.

I had to fly home from Vegas once at extremely short notice due to a bereavement. I was shocked at how cheaply you can get a last minute flight back if you book a few hours before the flight leaves (assuming there are spaces, quite likely for 1 passenger). From memory the fkightbwas about £350. Or can you bring your scheduled flight home forward?

Well, maybe he is! Maybe all he means is that he’ll be moving around getting dressed in the early hours and then leave the room to watch it elsewhere. I was only responding to the OP’s evident distress/annoyance at her friend saying he’s ’going to start watching the Ryder Cup at 4am’.

@Appalonia - if he’s gone for the casinos and gambling I’d imagine the mood swings and awful behaviour are linked to him losing money.

Please either make the most of your trip by arranging your own accommodation elsewhere and doing some sightseeing, or change your flight and come home. Both are good options and you can stay and sightsee on a budget (hostels and youth hostels are good ideas).

Whatever you do don’t stay and be his verbal punchbag. Just because he paid for the accommodation it doesn’t mean he can treat you like shit or that you have to go along with his ideas all the time. You don’t owe him anything.

Just leave. Either book a flight home or get a flight or bus to another state and enjoy your holiday. I've travelled around the US independently and it's really simple. You'll get an immediate uber in Vegas to the airport or bus station at any hour. There's no need to hire a car to get around. I'd not even tell him I was leaving until I was at the airport, and then I'd immediately block his number.
Don't bother booking another hotel in Vegas. It's super pricey, even for a shit hole room and you'll risk seeing him around. You could get a flight to Florida for example (not saying you want Florida!) from Harry Reid for about 150 quid.

If you are able to tell us approximately whereabouts you are, MNers can help you to make a plan to get home OR do the rest of your trip independently. Cut your losses and get away from this awful man.

Why can’t you fly home ?

OP, if it's any consolation, you aren't the only one. I made the same mistake years ago. A platonic friend won his company's 100% club which was a holiday for two. He asked me along. I was very clear it would be a twin room and platonic but it had been a bad year and I needed a break. And I'd known him 15 years. We got on well.

Second evening he propositioned me, and the 6th night, he got drunk and tried to jump me. I had to hit him.

Stop agreeing to spend evenings in casinos. Ask the hotel reception where you can get a decent meal locally. Can you buy a good book on-line and get some r&r while he gambles? Is there a pool?