I cannot stop thinking about the private lapdance my DH had

[Fondantfancybutnotthepinkone]

It was around 2 years ago. I don't think about it every day, but if something comes on the tv e.g. a film with a lapdance club/stripper then I go into angry mode. I also have random thoughts about it and get upset. During these times I have to move away from DH, I usually only get angry/upset if he is with me when I start thinking about it.

He had a potentially gorgeously slim woman, presumably in sexy undies which would have come off, wrangling round in front of him. I am writing this at work and have tears in my eyes, He might as well have slept with a prostitute.

I never mention it as DH goes into one when I do, saying he has done ''nothing wrong''. He actually gets angry when I mention it.

It is destroying me. I have mild body dysmorphia. This is one of the worse things he could have done to me. I don't want to leave him.

He told you about it, which is at least something. I'm not in a relationship, but the amount of chat I hear from men at work, going to strip clubs and massage parlours is unreal. Most married or in relationships, wives have no idea. It happens frequently.

I think to answer the posters asking how this is different to a male stripper being at a hen do, for me its different because a naked woman dancing is sexy, whereas a naked man dancing is comical. And men are notoriously "visual", whereas we're not necessarily.

Tom Hardy in his pre-steroid-abuse prime could give me a private dance and I'd cringe myself inside out and find it hilarious. And seeing a bum or dick out of context (of actually being about to have sex with me) makes me go 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't blame you, OP. I think a lot more happens at a private dance than in the main room, sadly. 😢 I would be broken-hearted.

But you also have to consider if this is really worth leaving behind everything that you've built together. Only you can answer that question.

Couples therapy OP - you can’t get past this because he wont admit fault, they are disgusting some of them - like they don’t understand getting a lap dance is wrong!

If he thinks it's no problem, would he happy for you to have a private dance from a man?

I never mention it as DH goes into one when I do, saying he has done ''nothing wrong''. He actually gets angry when I mention it.

His attitude is almost worse than the fact that he did it in the first place. How dare he get angry with you for being upset by it?! I'm willing to bet that if you'd had a naked or semi-naked man giving you a private lapdance, your 'd'h wouldn't think that you'd 'done nothing wrong'. Why would you want to stay with a man like this?

Well, actually he had sex with her, or at least a blow job form her, not just a dance. I know this is an old thread, hope you came to your senses and finished it with this pathetic loser.

@Albanaus why do you say that ?

I mean this gently I think this is about your own feelings about your own body rather than a couple of mins lap dance.

most people would be annoyed pn some end of the scale, but sitting weeping about it and declaring it the worst thing he could have done to you is incredibly extreme and a bit disturbing if I’m honest.

i would recommend you deal with whatever body issues you have, what is causing your insecurity, are you too fat too thin poor muscle, what is the issue and often it’s fixable.

I can see why he gets angry, sure when it jisy happened, you’d every right to be angry, but two years later sitting sobbing about it is something that would either annoy or concern most people. It shows some real deep seated mental health issues and that’s whay you need to focus on, whay it’s telling you.

This is so unacceptable it is outrageous. There is no indication either happened. What did you jist wake up and look for a vulnerable woman to kick?

And most strippers in reputable places are not prostitutes. I would ask for your post to be deleted.

There’s a balance here. I’d be fuming if this happened at the time when it happened. But it has been two years and you agreed to move past this / stay so you can’t keep holding it against him. If someone kept bringing up something from two years ago I’d be getting frustrated too.

You’re also making it worse by imagining the type of woman it was and putting her on a pedestal. She could have been very average looking for all you know - don’t torture yourself.

I agree with posters that say either bury it and move on or leave.

He clearly thought you'd be OK with it. You've suggested a threesome. You're more adventurous with sex than him. He came home and told you excited. He clearly thought you'd be supportive.

I don't know why you would suggest a threesome when you have issues with your body.

You're picturing an absurdly stunning supermodel. Not a stripper. Strippers are normal women, stretchmarks, odd boobs, wrinkles, normal women.

I would suggest this is more a you issue with your self esteem. Honestly I'd reclaim it, go to one together. Be dressed up looking hot, with lingerie on underneath. Be the sexiest woman there, come home let him be all over you becuase there isn't a single woman there he'd rather have sex with than you. That or be bitter for the rest of your life. Or divorce.