What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

[Jubblybub]

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

Went to one wedding where the groom, talked about the brides mother, and said "if you want to know how beautiful a woman is going to be, you just have to look at her mother..........." Dramatic pause and kind look at MOB, then concludes with "thankfully Bride was adopted"

Bride's family were not amused, he was a nob though and the marriage didn't last.

Also been to far too many weddings where the speeches drone on and on and have far too many personal anecdotes. No wedding speech should be longer than 10 minutes (absolute max) and it really doesn't take that much intelligence to realise that you should not include private jokes in a public speech, but so many people don't seem to get it.

There was actually a post on here, not long ago from a mum of the groom. Her son had thanked everyone involved in the wedding, except his mum.
So upsetting for her.

Ones where o thought warmth or emotion have bene put into it

Just a cold thank for coming enjoy the the day
Winging it with no thought

Not nearly as bad as half of these - but at the first wedding I went to, both the FOB and BM wanged on for ages about the Trade Union movement and Nye Bevan.

It's only in retrospect that I realise how wierd it was.

They were northern.

I think a lot of people are just not used to public speaking and then suddenly for the first time in their life they're asked to give a best man's speech or FOTB speech etc and they simply don't know what's appropriate and don't realise you have to think carefully about these things and actually practice them so they balls it up.

Well, that's The North for you. 🙄

Not wedding speeches but during the reception. A young couple at their wedding reception were initially pleased and flattered that the CEO of the groom’s company (a very rich and powerful older man) agreed to look in for a few moments to congratulate them. He had already sent an expensive wedding gift and given the groom a generous raise.

The CEO and his entourage arrivd. He congratulated the young couple and danced briefly with the bride. Then he saw the bridesmaids standing nearby and remarked that he would “like to dance with all of them” but must go on to another engagement. One of his party slyly suggested that he choose the one he likes best and his companions will dance with the others.

The bridesmaids were organized into a line by the chief bridesmaid. The CEO walked up and down the line like he was a general reviewing the troops. Eventually he selected a partner and lead her onto the dance floor. The drink had been flowing. Everyone thought this was all good fun and very amusing, including the bridesmaids. There was lot of giggling, and bantering remarks.

However the bride was upset. She whispered to the groom that she thought the behaviour of the CEO was sexist and humiliating to the bridesmaids. However she was quickly hushed up by her new husband and his father. No one wanted to offend such an important and powerful man. There was no suggestion that the CEO behaved improperly, touched up or tried to proposition any of the bridesmaids. Just that his behaviour in “reviewing” them in this manner was inappropriate.

I think that the CEO’s behaviour may not have been in the best of taste. However he IS a wedding guest and some allowance must be made for the fact that he is the groom’s boss. Much worse things can happen at weddings and most of the guests seem to have seen it as a joke.

This is surprising because we don't tend to have weddings up here.
The man just hits the woman over the head with his club and drags her back to his cave by the hair

The worst speeches I've witnessed in person were merely boring, which I'll take over some of the horrors in this thread, but I was once an evening-only guest (as a plus-one, I barely knew either bride or groom). The speeches were all so long that the evening-only cohort were kept in a bare hall with no chairs or food for an hour after the time we were invited for, but I think we got off lightly. The guests who'd been at the speeches looked like they were emerging from a hostage situation. One of them showed us a piece of paper on which he kept track of the number of times the groom said his bride's name in the speech (0) versus how many times he started a sentence with "I" (over 30). I found it interesting that he had thought to do that before the speeches had even started. Later saw bride running past us in floods of tears, to this day I don't know why but I can guess. They were divorced within the year I believe.

Former wedding photographer here. I’ve seen the keys thing loads of times. As cliched and as unimaginative as “going to Bangor” for honeymoon. 🙄

Yeah - that's kind of what I put it down to at the time.

How the fuck did he find his daughter trying to kill herself funny? The fuck is wrong with him? And to bring that up at her wedding? 😮 That's the worst one so far. Poor woman.

The bride’s speech where she had a go at one of the groomsmen. Saying he was dull and a boring oul shite etc. It was awful. Groomsman is the nicest fella you could meet.

It wasn't actually words which were the worst thing I heard, but groans and loud retching as the very drunken best man vomited all over the table

The dinner we'd just enjoyed had been very generous, but by the time they hauled him away I'd never realised a stomach could contain quite so much

Surely that was a stunt?

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere.

DH’s friend’s wedding. They know each other from a youth activity they did as teenagers. Last one to get married. Best man was very nervous and drank several shots while everyone else ate the meal (he didn’t eat) and then came and took one of DD’s colouring pencils and started editing his speech.

He opened by talking about how nice it was that the groom was settling down with someone the rest of his mates hadn’t “been with”. When he got nothing but embarrassed silence he started explaining that there were only 2 or 3 girls that attended the activity they had and so they’d had to “get their wings” in turn.

Silence.

Then he started aggressively asking the friendship group to confirm what he was saying was true.

The bride walked out and spent the rest of the day in the disabled loo with her bridesmaids, groom on hands and knees begging her to come out under the door.

Best man’s wife tore him a new one on the dance floor. He ended up sleeping in his car.

Both couples split within 3 months and later divorced. Best man and groom haven’t spoken since. Best man blames the pressure to be funny.

There was one I went to in my late teens and the best man said something like 'a woman is like a frying pan. You have to warm it up before sticking the fat in'.

I;m 52 now and I still remember it.

Mother of the bride gave a speech about how much she loved her son and didn't really comment on her daughter, the bride.

I'm not getting this key thing. Surely if there were a genuine need to gather in keys they'd put a collection box in the hallway or something.

I went to one where the bride serenaded the groom as a surprise - it was weirdly intimate and intense, she couldn’t sing particularly well and it was just hideous to watch.

😳

That’s actually brilliant to me - emotionally unavailable Dad gets what he deserves!

Its basically saying that the bride had a list of people to call upon when she wanted play time at night so the all had a key to let themselves when she called them

Really saying she slept around in my opinion which is horrible to me

A wedding where the bride and groom were both deaf from birth. Both were in professional roles, the bride was very instrumental in Deaf societies so there were a fair amount of deaf guests.
Her father spoke about how disappointing it had been to discover she was deaf, how awfully worrying it had been for them as parents knowing she wasn't ever going to achieve anything, let alone get married. He didn't feel she was marriage material and he was so especially worried that her husband was deaf too, and that he and his wife continued to pray that they never had children as they wouldn't make good parents.
You could literally have heard a pin drop, everyone was aghast, it was the most depressing thing I ever heard, there wasn't one single positive thing in it ☹️

I went to one where the mother of the bride gave a speech about her daughter in which she described the person she clearly thought her daughter was (and who she boasted to her friends about) rather than the person she actually was. Getting basic details wrong, obviously not understanding what her job was etc. At some points that was almost funny (the suggestion that she didn't like drinking led to stiffled guffaws) but it was mostly just sad as it showed how little she actually knew about her child.