What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

[Jubblybub]

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

A friend's wedding. The groom has a well known love of cars and the father of the bride made lots of car related jokes about taking her for a service etc.

Randomly the uncle of the groom came up and gave an awful speech, giving out random props to people, referring to a family holiday and reading out a love letter to the bride from a barman at the hotel, in a fake Spanish accent, that was just a vague way of alluding that he thought the bride was really attractive. Just not funny and quite creepy.

Apparantly at another family wedding, he had done an offensive Chinese accent

Not as bad as some of these but at a wedding I attended the best man's speech was entirely about taking the piss out of the groom. It was like a comedy roast, talking about how tight he was and all sorts of "hilarious" incidents that painted him in a really bad light. The groom was trying to be a good sport and laugh it all off with a pained smile. I think the best man was so focused on making his dumb speech funny that he lost sight of the fact that the groom was the main character there. (Well one of the two) It was very odd.

We had the key thing at a wedding we were at too - but it was the keys for the bride instead of grom - god it was horrific, i really felts sorry for the bride. That was a few years ago now, they are still together with a few kids now
Another one was we had to listen to 20 mins of the FOB telling us how wonderful his daughter was ( he did this at all three daughters weddings unfortunately ) It was like he swallowed a dictionary, he waffled on and on al the while we were starving and you could see the waiting staff hoovering in the back ground waiting to serve food. We then had to watch a photo set of the bride and groom , so cringe

Not quite it, and I promise he's usually very well trained, but my husband ran his speech past me before his brother's wedding. It was mostly fine, but I took out the bit with very graphic descriptions of injuries in the shoot em up they liked to play together. There were other ways to make the joke he was doing.

Urghhh I find speeches so cringey.

Yes i do too they make me physically uncomfortable.

Worst thing I've heard is the father of the bride admitting that when the bride was born he didn't actually want a daughter! It was swiftly followed by all the flowery stuff about how amazing his daughter is and how she changed his opinion about being a dad to a girl but for me it fell flat because of what preceded it.

In his speech, the groom thanked everyone who had helped with the wedding. He didn’t mention his mum, and she left the room in tears.

I don’t think it was a dig at his mum, she hadn’t done a thing to help with the wedding, so I don’t think it occurred to him that she should be included.

She left quite soon after this and didn’t return.

A friend married a complete alcoholic. He spent his wedding speech telling the crowd in excruciating detail about times he’s been sick or done something stupid when drunk. In fairness it was supposedly a tale of redemption cos he was giving up the booze but it was genuinely horrifying stories. And he was still an arsehole so when it all fell apart because of other twatty behaviour I wasn’t surprised. The only surprise was it lasted as long as it did.

The speeches at my wedding were awful. Both my Dad (who is a twat) and the BM warned my new husband to be careful or I might stab him in the night. I still don't understand why either of them said that, and the irony was a few years later my (now ex) husband tried to kill me.

My new husband only thanked his family for coming to our wedding and didn't mention me at all. That summed up our relationship really.

BM also made the 'Bangor'joke, and nobody laughed, unsurprisingly.

FoB spending an excruciating 20 minutes justifying his decision 30 years previous to walk out on the bride's mum while she was pregnant.

Groom (in his 60's) was marrying his wifes Best Friend almost a year to the day of his wifes funeral so it was all a bit tense to start with.
Groom said how lovely it was that he was getting a whole new family as his children (who were sitting right there) had "failed to give him Grandchildren". His DIL had been through years of gruelling fertility treatment, which he knew!

One where the brides father spoke about how he paid for the whole wedding, how the bride kept adding bits and pieces to the wedding and how he paid for it all and hope everyone enjoys the day he paid for, mortifying, marriage lasted about 6 years…. If that!

everyone spoke about how embarrassing the wedding was,

also been to a wedding where the groom was thanking his new wife’s parents about how supportive, helpful and kind they have been welcoming him into the family. He then turned to his mum and dad and said well what can I say? “Thanks for shagging cause then I wouldn’t be here” his mum and dad are both poor excuses for parents but the room went silent! Very awkward.

I think that’s been more or less the norm at the weddings I’ve been to. Glad to say not for DH though.

The nicest one I ever went to was with a groom who wasn’t British and had no best man speech tradition. His brother gave a lovely sincere speech about how much he loved his brother and how pleased he was he’d found such a great person to marry. Compared to the wedding before that where the best man talked about the groom shitting himself at a student party (many of the guests were at both weddings) it shone a light on what a poisonous tradition these speeches often are.

Most people are terrible public speakers and weddings become too pressured: people think they have to be funny/entertaining/charming/witty etc

when actually they need to say very little: thank you’s on behalf of relevant people, the bride looks beautiful, the groom is a stand up guy, everyone is delighted for the happy couple and we wish them a long and happy future together.

if you’re confident and can pull it off an appropriate before the watershed joke or two works but really it’s about heartfelt celebration. In 3-5mins.

Would have been funnier if he had also asked for the men who had the brides house keys to also hand them back

Sorry wrong quote

Father of the bride started his speech with saying how his daughter ruined his wife's vagina when she was born.

I think a lot of men forget about the bride and their family and it turn into laughs for the lads. Of which no one else finds funny.

Fair enough

I was at one wedding where the best man, who was the groom's bother, talked about how the groom had slept with the maid of honour before getting together with the bride.

Another one the groom spoke for nearly an hour. The wait staff were hovering at the kitchen doors, desperate to bring the food in.

my BIL's wedding speeches were a disaster, mainly because the best-man spent the best part of 30 mins listing all the ways my BIL had failed in his life, or was a let-down.

i think it can only have been a mis-guided attempt at a roast, but all the jokes/digs were far too personal, and not really at all funny.

it was excruciating. the whole wedding was silent throughout.

afterwards, the bride's father spent half his speech trying to make up for it, and the bride also felt moved to stand up and speak on her new husband's behalf.

it was so badly conceived. my BIL is definitely flawed, but is ultimately a good person, and has been very successful, so it was just so unnecessary and horrible.

on top of that, he'd "decorated" my BIL's car for the honeymoon drive, which was fine, except he'd filled all the footwells (front and back) with 6 inches of uncooked rice, which took an age to sort before they could drive it.

he and his best man have not spoken since - the wedding was more than 20 years ago!

My friend got married. She always felt inferior to her more beautiful, more talented older sister when growing up. It was a real problem.

The pastor who married them kept saying her sisters name during his service. Kind of like the friends episode when Ross calls his bride Rachel.

Just to balance it out - my stepson's wedding had the most brilliant and funny speeches ever done by 3 of his friends. It was honestly heartwarming and loving and very very funny. Not all speeches are awful.

An uncle's funeral where his wife wrote the eulogy, and it was all about her - honestly. It was Uncle married Norma, Norma went on to do all these amazing things - listed in detail for about 10 minutes - and our Uncle got that one mention at the beginning of being her husband.

I think every best man speech I've heard has been cringe as hell. Why do they always have to make sex references or rude jokes at a wedding with parents and grandparents and children there?! Bizarre. It's like they are trying too hard to be funny.