What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

[Jubblybub]

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

"The other one, the groom got up and said that there were two thoughts that went through his head when he proposed - one, relief that his bride had said yes, the second, that he hoped her Dad was going to pay for it all. Still, I suppose at least he put the money worries bit second!"

I think that's OK.

I do remember a wedding speech where the best man inadvertently revealed the bride was pregnant - he was quite pissed! Fortunately there were only congratulations from the assembled family but could’ve been way worse!

that baby is now his goddaughter 😂

😂

My 1st wedding, 36 years ago, and it's speeches:

FOB: Two sentences. Thanked everyone for coming and hoped they were enjoying the day. Sat down.

BM: Thanked the bridesmaid, my parents and inlaws. Couple of nice things about the groom. Sat down.

Groom: Thanked my parents, his parents, grandmother and the guests for coming, with special mention to his cousins who had travelled down from Scotland. Sat down.

That was it. I wasn't mentioned ONCE. My mother was LIVID with my father (who kept running out to the payphone in the lobby to call his mistress...who he left my mother for, 3 days after my wedding and while I was away on honeymoon...).

I was upset with just about everyone, to be honest. My only bridesmaid was fucking useless and kept talking about her own wedding 6 months previously. My mother was fighting with my father and commandeered our wedding car to shuttle people from the church to the wedding reception hotel...leaving me and my brand new husband stuck in the local park we'd gone to have pictures taken in for 45 minutes. We'd actually had to wave the car down as it went past with my brothers and his friends and told the driver to ignore my fucking mother and just come back and get us.

Inlaws had a evening reception at their house...and didn't invite ANY of my family. So myself and new husband didn't attend, either.

I left him 2 and a half years later. We got married when we should have split up.

Sorry, too long but just thinking about it sets me off on a rant!

The groom said in his speech that he had never really fallen in love with the bride, he just wanted to get married. He did say she was a good friend, but also that he never considered her romantically until he started thinking seriously about getting married. He never once said he loved her now, or that his feelings had changed. It was clear she adored him. I really hope it was just clumsy wording (they were really lovely people), but a few of us talked about it afterwards and all said the same thing. I was a plus one and not in touch with most of that crowd so no idea how it turned out.

That’s a fair comment imo.

Best man: "We'd heard a lot about Jenna before we met her. Mostly that she was horrible. But then we finally got to meet her and find out for ourselves...and it turned out to be completely true"

I think he was playing for laughs but you could tell there was some truth in it!

Oh my god this reminds
me of my BIL’s 2nd wedding - best man did a reasonable speech nothing too incriminating but then asked us all the stand and raise our glasses to BIL & then named the ex-wife! The whole room gasped, I was sat with his daughter/child of aforementioned ex and we absolutely pissed our ourselves. He was BM at the first wedding and was so worried about doing this he’d been practising the toast with BIL & new wife’s name for weeks but clearly panicked and fluffed it. We still talk about now 10 years on and wonder how they are still married

You sound like a very angry and bitter person to be honest..

Not bad per se, but a wedding a few years ago where the parents of both bride and groom were separated. Everyone was invited with their new partners. Groom's father didn't show.
By the time it got to the speeches, the groom's stepfather was already drunk and swaying/slurring. He just about got through the speech, almost forgot the bride's name. It was clear that he had no real interest in his stepson, whose big day it was. Then the father of the bride made a speech. Which essentially was all about himself. How he'd given them money to make this a big day (it was in a village hall and he's actually loaded), how he was glad he'd travelled to the venue, etc. After that, the brides' mother made a speech. And that was all about her. Lots about when her children were little and how she'd not realised what life would be like with boys and girls, how they'd managed once she'd separated from the bride's father, how she's been involved in everything, etc.
Thankfully both bride & groom made lovely speeches, about each other and the wider crowd of people who'd come to share their special day.

I feel this is the worst one so far

Surely the women 'handing back keys' was a pre organised joke? The best man's speech is supposed to be a bit risky, surely we haven't lost all our sense of humour or to be a bit saucy?!

Oh my god! You poor thing, that is awful!

Not in a speech, but this is how it went. It was an arranged marriage (which I was against and made my views about this particular situation very clear!). There’s a set of twins in the family, and first they asked Twin 1 if he wanted to marry her. He said no.

Twin 2 reluctantly married her, uprooted her whole life, then proceeded to lie and gaslight her and still pretends to be in a “happy marriage”.
She divorced him a few years later and rightly so!!

Of course it was a pre-planned joke! This was 35yrs ago and it was seen at the time as a rather crass thing. I did say I was young at the time. I still recall the silence and intake of air from older relatives.

Nowadays, it would likely get a laugh as a silly, cheap joke.

Not cringe as is awful but the last wedding I went to, there was a sweep on each table about how long the BM speech would be. He was a surgeon, and total narcissist, so loved having the limelight. It was over an hour of him rambling and finding himself hilarious. I wanted to jump off something high.

The best man at my friend's wedding was the groom's step dad. All he talked about was his daughter (who actually hadn't been particularly nice to my friend over the years).

The original post for the best mans speech thing was deleted, dying to know what it said! (Without outing anyone of course!)

At my poor friend’s wedding the best man gave a passive aggressive speech about how he and the groom had met my friend at the same time, she was gorgeous and had a great body (she does) but the groom had got to her first. Said with no distance or irony and a lot of bitterness. Very uncomfortable.

This was topped a few moments later by the bride’s father, who had got very odd in his old age, doing some sort of long attempted comedy routine that at one point included taking his shoe off and waving it around, and ending by telling everyone (in all seriousness) that he would be happy to have a conversation about Jesus with any of them if they liked.

My brother and sister in laws best man started his speech with 'I did prepare some lines,but the groom snorted them all last night'

Tumbleweed floated past my table and around the room

It ended with 'we all know the bride shouldn't be wearing white as she's no virgin-give her one from me tonight grooms name' (followed by an arm pump)

That's when her parents,brother and granny stomped out

They where hyacinth bucket types and not best impressed

They are still together and nobody is allowed to mention the speeches

I once went to a very religious wedding, where the church service was beautiful and genuinely uplifting. The Priest came to the reception, which was held in a non-religious (but very lovely) venue. The Priest said Grace before the meal was served. When it came to the speeches, the Father of the Bride’s speech had a very religious focus, and included several periods of silent prayer. Each to their own, but that was a new one on me, and I think quite a few of us were a bit surprised.

This thread has just reminded me of how much I dislike wedding speeches! I also can’t remember any just how dull they generally are even the funny or cringe ones are pretty forgettable to me. That’s why I just had a thanks to all guests and a toast at my (admittedly rather small) wedding.

I reckon this could been my wedding. What year was it out of interest?

The one where the BM was so nervous that he forgot how to speak English (not his first language). He gave up on his speech, rambled on about Jesus in his mother tongue for a few minutes to the room full of politely bemused guests, then sat down. Funny in retrospect but I cringed for him at the time.