What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

[Jubblybub]

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

Mother of the bride did a long speech all about how brave she was to raise the bride alone, and how selfless she is, how much she gave up in life to raise her (FOB passed away when bride was young- he wasn't mentioned). She emphasised how often she'd skip meals to feed her daughter, and attributed her slim figure to her selflessness. Then shared how much weight the bride had lost in the lead up to the wedding, and showed photos of her throughout her life at different sizes and then had everyone toast to her new, better, figure. It was awful, so toxic. Bride was in tears. MOTB is not involved anymore AFAIK.

Another where bitter, chronically single MOH did a speech where she claimed she thought marriage was archaic but was there for free beer. Then challenged groomsmen to arm wrestles. Classy!

At my Dad’s second wedding, his best man had known him for years and was actually best man at his first wedding to my Mum. Best man is a really lovely guy and was a close family friend when I was young, just a touch socially awkward. He told a couple of funny stories about my Dad that happened to mention my Mum a fair few times as well, and at one point said how much my Mum and Dad had done for him during a rough time etc, especially my Mum. It just wouldn’t have occurred to him that was inappropriate at Dad’s second wedding! The look on my stepmothers face (we don’t get along) was rather priceless…

Friends wedding, groom had picked his dad to be best man. Appalling choice in my opinion as the chap is well known to be a complete tool.

Anyway, BM got the microphone off the brides mum who did a speech in place of the brides father. BM made a comment along the lines of 'I can't work out how to turn this off, it can't buzz throughout the speech' meaning to imply that the brides mum had just handed him her vibrator. No one laughed.

He then proceeded to deny being the grooms father, apparently he only had his ex wife's word for it. He had multiple affairs during their relationship and she kicked him out after finding out he was sleeping with his own brothers girlfriend. Grooms mum walked out.

He told lewd jokes about their shared hobby, made a crude joke about the bride, her mum and his girlfriend.

Absolute silence throughout, no one laughed apart from him.

Not the speeches, but the ceremony of an old family friend who had become a born again Christian while at uni, which had strained family relationships a fair bit, and was marrying just after graduating.

The pastor (or whatever) used the ceremony to a) try to convert us heathens, b) warn of the malicious influence of those not in the church and c) praise the couple for waiting for marriage to consummate and told them to have lots of babies to strengthen the church but in bizarrely detailed terms.

It was completely surreal and we all left feeling l bemused and very worried about friend. Luckily her new husband is a genuinely nice guy, and they ended up leaving the cult church a few years later after the same twat pastor told them that they couldn't conceive because they'd displeased God.

@Thewitchsong i don’t think you have to be a “hyacinth bucket type” to be offended by inferences your DD has had multiple partners

Yeah well, "go Hyacinth!" I say. I'd have felt like walking out too.

The Minister (Scotland) welcoming us all here to celebrate the “heterosexual marriage” of this young couple - with the implication that marriage is not for gay people. I was raging!

My dad said the same thing about me (not at my wedding - we eloped).
I’m an only child 😁

I have been to a few weddings where they have done the key joke back in the 80s and 90s. It often ended with someone 'inappropriate' handing back the last key/s - like the MOB and MOH. Always got laughs at the receptions I went to.

At one wedding I went to, the father of the groom started telling a story about potty training when he was little… and went into way too much detail. Half the room was laughing, the other half looked like they wanted the floor to swallow them up.

I wanted to join them too (and I'm no hyacinth)

I was honestly turning myself inside out with embarrassment and having to fend off questions from my kids (like 'mum,what's a virgin?' 'What did he want to snort?' 'Why does auntie look like she wants to kill x?')

It was a shitshow from beginning to end but they are still together and still mates with the best man so can't have been that bothered

Whilst awful for the bride and groom, I would have been all agog the whole time watching it all pan out!! A wedding that gets remembered for all the wrong reasons!

Not offensive like some of the above, but just a wtf moment.
Having already endured totally dreadful FOB and BM speeches, which were extremely dull and had gone on for a combined over 45 minutes, the Maid of Honour stood up.

She then proceeded to give a speech about how misogynistic weddings were, how she would never get married but she’d support her sister in this instance, and how the feminist in her would not allow only men to speak at her beloved sister’s wedding. So she then SANG about her and her sister’s life together. Just literally a song about each stage of their life.

This would have been ok (ish) if a) that didn’t then go on for ages, b) she put any anecdotes in that were vaguely entertaining and c) she could sing.

Combined with a freezing marquee and oddly timed between the starter and main course of dinner; the whole thing was like a fever dream.

I went to a lovely wedding where the FOB made a special mention to the step father. Something along the lines ' And thank you, always to Steve for loving my daughter like his own for so many years. '.

They had not seen eye to eye always so it was a lovely moment and very genuine.

My friends wedding years ago.. Her Mum was giving a speech and was basically saying how lucky the groom was to snag her daughter when the groom’s mum stood up and screamed across the room… Your daughters the bloody lucky one!!

Oh I love this!! Absolutely cringe, totally heart-breaking for the couple but hilarious!----

That's a perfect mix of awful and charming.

It really is - I think because it's a total unveiling of the sorts of emotional undercurrents on a wedding day.

It wasn’t actually the MIL who was awful. Someone in my family gets very upset when birthdays overlap with special occasions. It is quite bizarre but something that could have seriously been avoided if DH had mentioned it before I paid the deposit on the reception or grown a backbone and backed me up.. I discussed it with my MIL and she said it was ok to not mention it. Person in my family who pressured my DH did it because there was no birthday cake arranged.

About 25 years ago, I went to the wedding of a colleague and her boyfriend who I'd never met.

Colleague was very clever, well educated and came from an old Cheshire family. The boyfriend was not of the same background.

The totality of the Best Man's speech was "dunno wot she fuckin' sees in him, he's a rate lazy bastard." It was excruciating. Everyone pretended it hadn't happened and the bride's father hastily started his own speech.

They're still married though and now have children.

Ha, that made me lol. Cringe but never actually heard that before.

If anyone dared pull this at my wedding, let alone make "jokey" speeches (I'd veto them anyway as i despise them), let's just say that it's a good job unlicensed gun ownership is llegal in England......

My thoughts too.

My BIL was on the same table as us and said if he didn't pay the mortgage, he'd have been called useless.

I think it's a lesson that being a dad isn't just about providing financially. Some dads don't really even know their own kids that well.