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Original poster

What's the worst thing you've heard in a wedding speech?

324 replies

Jubblybub · 21/09/2025 21:45

Was reading the thread about the best man's speech upsetting people and it got me thinking of some of the awful wedding speeches Ive had to listen to.

My BIL's best man at his wedding to my sister was awful, he made anti-semitic and homophobic comments in his speech (my sister's godfather is Jewish and gay and there were a number of gay and Jewish guests), made sexual remarks about my sister and had a really weird part of his speech that he had pre-recorded for everyone to watch. I won't go into specifics because it would be very outing but that section alone was 20 minutes long. The whole speech was excruciating and had me seriously wondering why my BIL has a friend like this (BIL could not be more different) never mind why he would have wanted this one as his best man.

At another wedding I went to, the father of the bride actually said at the beginning of his speech, "the bridesmaids and flower girls are looking beautiful, I hope there's no pedos here..." He then went on to talk about the stag do in great detail, including a strip club visit and how he had never had the experience of being in a nightclub with bottles of Grey Goose on their private table being accosted by beautiful, half-naked women until he met the groom and this was just one of the reasons why he was so happy to welcome him into the family. At the same wedding the groom's speech included broken down costings of the entire wedding, "thank you to mum and dad for paying £5k for our photographer, thanks to gran for bride's 10k wedding dress, thanks to parents in law for spending £xk on the catering" which was really bizarre.

Any other stories of wild things said in wedding speeches?

OP posts:
RubieChewsDay · 22/09/2025 12:59

CheeseWisely · 21/09/2025 22:26

That had to be a set-up for the laughs surely? Not that it’s particularly funny..

Show quote history

It is of course a set up and no one is meant to take it seriously. I think it may feature in a book on jokes for a best man speech as I've seen it done twice.

RedxRobin · 22/09/2025 13:08

Lifesd · 22/09/2025 11:27

I went to one where the bride serenaded the groom as a surprise - it was weirdly intimate and intense, she couldn’t sing particularly well and it was just hideous to watch.

Did we go to the same one? I had that at one too - no-one really knew where to look! 😬

Citrusbergamia · 22/09/2025 13:08

Hoppinggreen · 22/09/2025 10:39

Groom (in his 60's) was marrying his wifes Best Friend almost a year to the day of his wifes funeral so it was all a bit tense to start with.
Groom said how lovely it was that he was getting a whole new family as his children (who were sitting right there) had "failed to give him Grandchildren". His DIL had been through years of gruelling fertility treatment, which he knew!

This has GOT to be the worst one I've read so far!! I hope the DIL walked out! Just shocking

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 22/09/2025 13:08

The first was odd & cringe for me.
A couple we didn't really know asked my then bf to be best man. Apparently neither had friends nor family.
Cue bf getting absolutely wasted (as usual) and waffling on about fuck all to the people who had shown up (who didn't appear to know them well either)

Most memorable was my best friends wedding.
She was a small lassie, not 5 foot even. Perfectly formed as she'd say 💜
The best (fucking idiot) man made reference by saying that he 'didn't know mothercare sold wedding dresses '
You could have heard a pin drop.

LoudMoose · 22/09/2025 13:10

Best man spoke about the night the couple met. Groom had just broken up with his long term partner and decided he wanted a rebound one night stand, anyone would do, wasn’t fussy. Luckily the bride was at the club that night. Groom wasn’t looking for a relationship but the bride obviously saw potential and wouldn’t leave him alone. Bride used to go to grooms’s work premises, groom would lock his office and have sex with her during his lunch break. They continued as shagging partners for a months before the groom gave up and accepted his fate.

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:12

I was at a wedding where stag do pictures were plonked on the tables for the best man speech 1 had him drunk on a sunbed in a mankini 🤢 the BM speech was really dull and the parents at the top table looked furious so I wondered if they had words with him.

Bringmeahigherlove · 22/09/2025 13:16

Friendlygingercat · 22/09/2025 11:06

Not wedding speeches but during the reception. A young couple at their wedding reception were initially pleased and flattered that the CEO of the groom’s company (a very rich and powerful older man) agreed to look in for a few moments to congratulate them. He had already sent an expensive wedding gift and given the groom a generous raise.

The CEO and his entourage arrivd. He congratulated the young couple and danced briefly with the bride. Then he saw the bridesmaids standing nearby and remarked that he would “like to dance with all of them” but must go on to another engagement. One of his party slyly suggested that he choose the one he likes best and his companions will dance with the others.

The bridesmaids were organized into a line by the chief bridesmaid. The CEO walked up and down the line like he was a general reviewing the troops. Eventually he selected a partner and lead her onto the dance floor. The drink had been flowing. Everyone thought this was all good fun and very amusing, including the bridesmaids. There was lot of giggling, and bantering remarks.

However the bride was upset. She whispered to the groom that she thought the behaviour of the CEO was sexist and humiliating to the bridesmaids. However she was quickly hushed up by her new husband and his father. No one wanted to offend such an important and powerful man. There was no suggestion that the CEO behaved improperly, touched up or tried to proposition any of the bridesmaids. Just that his behaviour in “reviewing” them in this manner was inappropriate.

I think that the CEO’s behaviour may not have been in the best of taste. However he IS a wedding guest and some allowance must be made for the fact that he is the groom’s boss. Much worse things can happen at weddings and most of the guests seem to have seen it as a joke.

Bloody hell. Was he Harvey Weinstein by any chance?

Horsie · 22/09/2025 13:17

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 10:04

7 speeches ! Oh no thank you.

Seven speeches is crazy.

Upthread, someone mentioned five speeches, and someone else wondered if wedding speeches have had their day.

I think wedding speeches can be really sweet, if it's just two speeches. (Usually the FOB and groom, but doesn't have to be - could be MOB and bride.) But just two, a few minutes long, no cringey jokes, just saying nice things and how happy they are for the couple, wish them luck, maybe a sweet piece of advice from the older speaker.

The problem isn't with the concept of a speech itself, the problem is that so many people have NO idea how to behave. Do not make your guests so bored that they want to chew their own arms off; do not embarrass the couple; do not make cringey jokes. Say lovely things. It's not hard.

TheBlueRobin · 22/09/2025 13:18

Oh another one. I didn't go to my uncle's wedding but my parents did. It was his second marriage after leaving his wife of 40 years for someone else.

In his speech he referred to the moment he met the love of his life 1000 days ago (to that affect...) which was obviously when he was still married to his first wife. His grown up children got up and left the room at that point and felt so disrespected.

Hoppinggreen · 22/09/2025 13:19

Citrusbergamia · 22/09/2025 13:08

This has GOT to be the worst one I've read so far!! I hope the DIL walked out! Just shocking

Show quote history

Thing is, he is a really nice chap generally but has a slightly offensive sense of humour.
I am not defending him, it was an awful thing to say but he thought he was being funny. There was a lot more in his speech that was a bit borderline too

NomorekittensSteve · 22/09/2025 13:20

Not so much upset myself or my H but his best man made comments about how they would bunk off school and smoke weed, playing on their PS2 and thanked MIL and FIL for 'accommodating him'. Neither mil or fil had any idea they were doing this and all we heard was 'you did what in my house??'
Awkward.

Isthisreasonable · 22/09/2025 13:20

My df's speech was a potted history of his life. I was mentioned in passing a couple times, my dh once. My sibling had as many mentions as I did.

At my siblings wedding his speech had been very much more focused on them and not very much about himself. As the guest list had a lot of overlaps the difference was very noticeable and my DM was very embarrassed.

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:21

Horsie · 22/09/2025 13:17

Seven speeches is crazy.

Upthread, someone mentioned five speeches, and someone else wondered if wedding speeches have had their day.

I think wedding speeches can be really sweet, if it's just two speeches. (Usually the FOB and groom, but doesn't have to be - could be MOB and bride.) But just two, a few minutes long, no cringey jokes, just saying nice things and how happy they are for the couple, wish them luck, maybe a sweet piece of advice from the older speaker.

The problem isn't with the concept of a speech itself, the problem is that so many people have NO idea how to behave. Do not make your guests so bored that they want to chew their own arms off; do not embarrass the couple; do not make cringey jokes. Say lovely things. It's not hard.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree nobody really wants "entertained" do they ? they want to hear how great the B&G are thanking the bridal party a toast and sit down.

SnooperLoopy · 22/09/2025 13:22

I heard a FoB speech in which he twice said the phrase "imagine our disappointment when [bride] told us she was going to..." in reference to:
(a) marrying an English man (bride's family are Indian) and
(b) training as a teacher (she had initially set out to be an accountant but changed career).
I don't think he was being tongue-in-cheek. Poor Bride and Groom.

Another stand-out memory is a very boring FoB speech, which droned on in so much detail about the family and the bride's life up to that point that we were all losing the will to live. About 20 minutes in, the FoB said that he would like to read a poem. Somebody on my table muttered, "Stop all the clocks, Cut off the telephone" and we had to spend the remainder of the speech shaking with silent laughter.

PaddlingSwan · 22/09/2025 13:28

At the last wedding I attended, the best man quite clearly stated in his speech that the bride swung both ways. I was 😳, but the couple in question have been happily married for 7 years and have two lovely boys.

newrubylane · 22/09/2025 13:33

One where the bride's parents were separated and her mother insisted on giving a speech as well. She spent a chunk of it talking about how much she had liked the bride's ex. 🫣

GiddyDog · 22/09/2025 13:34

Not a speech as such but the DJ played the song Big Girls (you are beautiful) and every time the title was sung he yelled the bride's name over the mic.
Big girls you are beautiful (LISA!).
He carried on for the e entire song.
She looked mortified.

DancingNotDrowning · 22/09/2025 13:35

Fedupbeingfat · 22/09/2025 12:07

Edited to say, I didn’t read title properly …. Didn’t read worst!!

When my eldest son got married, his brother was best man.

He started by saying That the groom made a speedy entrance to the world, so fast that he ripped his mums (me) fanny to bits and that explains why there is a large age gap between siblings.
Well , the room went into an absolute uproar of laughter and applause.

My son did run it past me if he could say this, and I too thought it was a hilarious way to start a speech.

Edited

God that’s grim

Horsie · 22/09/2025 13:37

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:21

I agree nobody really wants "entertained" do they ? they want to hear how great the B&G are thanking the bridal party a toast and sit down.

Show quote history

Yeah, and the expectation that the best man's speech should be like a turn in a comedy club seems to have got out of hand. At least, going by this thread. I got married twenty years ago and haven't been to a wedding since, so I wonder if this Carry On type smutty "humour" has increased.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 22/09/2025 13:41

Not a speech, but at my mum's wedding, my Uncle got so pissed by the speeches that he stood up to do his well-known 'China Man' routine; he whipped out his own chopsticks and put on a racist accent basically. My Grandad had to jump and get him in a headlock to stop him. Uncle then sobered up to only get as drunk at the evening reception and try to fight a chocolate fountain

This also prompted my late Great Grandfather to recount some lovely, racially motivated tales to the poor guests seated near him

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:42

Horsie · 22/09/2025 13:37

Yeah, and the expectation that the best man's speech should be like a turn in a comedy club seems to have got out of hand. At least, going by this thread. I got married twenty years ago and haven't been to a wedding since, so I wonder if this Carry On type smutty "humour" has increased.

Show quote history

The last wedding I was at was my Dds and the best man's speech was lovely really respectful the odd jokey comment but in general a nice speech, and no rambling on.

EarringsandLipstick · 22/09/2025 13:48

DancingNotDrowning · 22/09/2025 13:35

God that’s grim

Show quote history

I agree. I can't believe the poster thought it was hilarious!

Doseofreality · 22/09/2025 13:48

The Father of the Bride stating that he knew she’d met “the one” when she stopped being a nark as she was obviously getting a decent shag.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/09/2025 13:49

I haven't seen any really terrible ones, fortunately.

There was one rather weird one where the running theme was all the things the groom apparently bought to impress the bride, seeming to imply that she was attracted to him because he'd just bought a new car and stuff like that. It wouldn't have been so odd but there were five or six different references to him splashing his cash around in the speech, which made it sound like the best man thought the groom was materialistic and the bride was a gold digger.

That's not what my friend is like at all and I've never got that impression from her husband either. They're both pretty normal, humble people who have since made big financial sacrifices to home educate their children.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/09/2025 13:51

Actually, there was a really bad father of the groom speech at a wedding I went to. He went on about the superiority of his genetic material and urged his son and new daughter in law in slightly pornographic terms to go and get pregnant immediately so that his amazing DNA could be passed on to the next generation. The couple had split up by the following weekend.