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Original poster

Woman bought alcohol for my daughter - should I say something when I next see her?

147 replies

Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:21

Last night my dd17 went round to a friends house for a little get together (about 8-10 teens).

The friend who was hosting had asked that no one drink any alcohol as her mum was not going to be there and as they were all under age she felt it would be disrespectful to her mum. I was totally in agreement with this and assumed dd would be too. She is not really into alcohol, usually!

Anyhow, halfway through the evening my dd and two of the friends decided to pop to the local co-op to get some snacks for everyone. Whilst there they bumped into one of the friend's aunties, she offered to buy them a bottle of vodka and some buzzballz. DD and her two friends agreed (really annoyed with dd for agreeing to this). They sat on a bench and got drunk then walked back to the host friends house, when she saw they were drunk she was very angry (understandably) and told them they couldn't come back in.

DD called me and I came over and picked her up. I was so annoyed she was drunk as she had work today, she has had to call in sick as she now has a migraine and is throwing up.

I know teens will have fun with drink from time to time and I am not a killjoy, we have all been there (although personally I have not drunk alcohol for 20+ years) but I am disappointed with dd for making the decision to drink given the circumstances but I am more annoyed with this girl's auntie for purchasing it in the first place because without her input they would not have been able to buy any.

I don't know her personally but do see her in the local shop from time to time. I am in two minds that when I next see her I ask that she doesn't purchase alcohol for my under age dd again? I wouldn't have done it so I don't expect any other adult to do the same.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 21/09/2025 12:22

Id forget it. It doesn't seem that outrageous from a 17 year old

DrRichardWebber · 21/09/2025 12:24

Come on this is all on your daughter. Totally normal 17 year old behaviour. Just forget about it.

QPZM · 21/09/2025 12:25

Lol she did not offer I'm sure.

She will have been asked and agreed to the request.

Given your DD is 17 and no-one forced her into getting pissed on a work night, I wouldn't say anything to the aunt at all.

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liveforsummer · 21/09/2025 12:26

If she was 14 then maybe but a 17 year old holding down a job. That’s all on her I’m afraid!

Seeline · 21/09/2025 12:26

They're 17!
Better they learn their limits now when you're around to help sort them out than when they all rush off to uni and are left with equally drunk flatmates to look after them!

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 21/09/2025 12:27

She’s 17.

Crinkle77 · 21/09/2025 12:28

The aunty was foolish to buy inexperienced drinkers vodka and I personally wouldn't buy alcohol for other people's kids without the knowledge of the parents. However they are 17 so probably not far off the legal ge to buy alcohol. And its not illegal to drink alcohol under 18 in the home but they should have respected the wishes of the friend whose home they were in.

LarkspurLane · 21/09/2025 12:28

Seems unlikely they'll bump into friend's auntie again in these circumstances so I would say nothing.
Anyway, you can't stop her buying alcohol for her niece (presume she was there?), all you can do is suggest your DD does not partake.

Original poster
Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:29

OK, maybe I am over-reacting and yes, I do place a lot of the blame on dd.

I just feel she went against all the others at the party, they were all happy not to drink at the mother's request. I am surprised and disappointed that dd and her friends made that decision. None of the other friends are talking to her and the other two now.

I suppose we are all different but I personally wouldn't purchase drink for dd's friends if I knew they were all under age (albeit by a year), I know how mad they can go with it given the chance.

OP posts:
AnSolas · 21/09/2025 12:29

You have a DD problem.

At 17 she knows (or should know) asking someone to buy booze for her is not lawful and could result in the staff member loosing their job.

The friend with Antie, and Antie did not force your child to knock back â…“ a bottle of vodka.

Rorys · 21/09/2025 12:30

She’s 17. It was her choice. The woman wasn’t great obviously but dd could have said no. I’d just be glad she has friends that weren’t happy about it instead of encouraging it tbh. I’d just let that, the hangover and the issue with work be natural consequences and let it go.

Darragon · 21/09/2025 12:34

YANBU OP. Really irresponsible of this adult, the cut off is 18 not 17 for a reason. 17 year olds don’t have the self control to regulate this sort of thing, thats exactly why the law is where it is. Grown adults should know better than to provide alcohol especially when the teens ended up drinking it outside where anything could have happened. Not even slightly the same as someone’s parents letting them have a glass of wine at Christmas!

incognitomouse · 21/09/2025 12:37

As others have said, she's 17, get over it!

17 year olds don’t have the self control to regulate this sort of thing, thats exactly why the law is where it is.

So a 17 year old can't regulate, but miraculously when they turn 18 they can? 😂

Mischance · 21/09/2025 12:39

Teenagers sometimes make bad choices. It could have been worse. Encourage your DD to learn from this.

Brightbluesomething · 21/09/2025 12:40

Yes it wasn’t great from the adult but your DD is learning a life lesson. And she seems very tame compared to most 17 year olds. Don’t criticise her too much or she won’t tell you then next time she drinks alcohol.
First time my DC got drunk I just laughed, it was quite funny. Lecturing would have been counterproductive. The lesson was learned, barely drinks now and is hardly ever drunk.

Dungeonsanddraggingafternoons · 21/09/2025 12:41

They are 17 not 14. Hopefully your DD will experience her own consequences and make a different choice next time. I would let this lie.

Everybodysinthehousetonight · 21/09/2025 12:42

I have a 17 year old and I do not believe this series of events including the host not allowing alcohol because her mum wasn't home.....

Comedycook · 21/09/2025 12:43

17 year olds getting pissed is hardly surprising or shocking.

However there's absolutely no way I'd offer to buy it for them in a million years...what a stupid thing to do.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/09/2025 12:43

Blimey that would be v OTT OP

This woman's niece is 17 or 18, so nothing wrong with buying them a drink if that's OK in their family.

It was up to the girls to decline, and like many teens, they decided they'd rather have a drink (I would have done) - but they are teens so they misjudged how much they could drink.

It's just part of growing up and doesn't need drama created around it.

spicetails · 21/09/2025 12:43

She’s 17, not 7.

Lollytea655 · 21/09/2025 12:46

I wouldn’t bother talking to the woman, if you’re that bothered then it’s your DD you need to speak to but even then she’s 17 not 12, you’re going to lose control of her drinking in the next 12 months anyway.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/09/2025 12:47

Darragon · 21/09/2025 12:34

YANBU OP. Really irresponsible of this adult, the cut off is 18 not 17 for a reason. 17 year olds don’t have the self control to regulate this sort of thing, thats exactly why the law is where it is. Grown adults should know better than to provide alcohol especially when the teens ended up drinking it outside where anything could have happened. Not even slightly the same as someone’s parents letting them have a glass of wine at Christmas!

Oh don't be daft, there is no miracle that happens when you are 18 - you just have to hit majority sometime and this suits the average person reasonably well.

LynetteScavo · 21/09/2025 12:47

If you’re likely to bump into the auntie and know her, you can say she shouldn’t have bought the alcohol- but this is on your DD. She’s 17, not 14 or 15. She’s paying the price today by feeling ill, and the sober friends probably aren’t very impressed with her.

DiscoBob · 21/09/2025 12:48

I'm not sure I believe some of this. The auntie just offered to buy them spirits and strong cocktails without any prompting whatsoever?

While the person who's party it was thought drinking would be 'disrespectful' to her absent mum?

The convo in the shop, if there was one, should have gone 'hi girls, oh you're having a party. Are you drinking booze?'

'No we're not as I've got work tomorrow'

'Ok, bye'.

The end.

I wouldn't be blaming it on the 'auntie' who may or may not even have been there.

At 17 it's normal for kids to get drunk at parties. I wouldn't think you need to do much.

But she learned her lesson with her 'migraine'. Which is actually called a hangover.

Ravnurin · 21/09/2025 12:50

It’s your daughter you need to speak to, not the other woman. Your daughter disrespected her friend and her friend’s mother, and didn’t show a healthy relationship with drinking - vodka on a bench is not cool.