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Original poster

Woman bought alcohol for my daughter - should I say something when I next see her?

147 replies

Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:21

Last night my dd17 went round to a friends house for a little get together (about 8-10 teens).

The friend who was hosting had asked that no one drink any alcohol as her mum was not going to be there and as they were all under age she felt it would be disrespectful to her mum. I was totally in agreement with this and assumed dd would be too. She is not really into alcohol, usually!

Anyhow, halfway through the evening my dd and two of the friends decided to pop to the local co-op to get some snacks for everyone. Whilst there they bumped into one of the friend's aunties, she offered to buy them a bottle of vodka and some buzzballz. DD and her two friends agreed (really annoyed with dd for agreeing to this). They sat on a bench and got drunk then walked back to the host friends house, when she saw they were drunk she was very angry (understandably) and told them they couldn't come back in.

DD called me and I came over and picked her up. I was so annoyed she was drunk as she had work today, she has had to call in sick as she now has a migraine and is throwing up.

I know teens will have fun with drink from time to time and I am not a killjoy, we have all been there (although personally I have not drunk alcohol for 20+ years) but I am disappointed with dd for making the decision to drink given the circumstances but I am more annoyed with this girl's auntie for purchasing it in the first place because without her input they would not have been able to buy any.

I don't know her personally but do see her in the local shop from time to time. I am in two minds that when I next see her I ask that she doesn't purchase alcohol for my under age dd again? I wouldn't have done it so I don't expect any other adult to do the same.

OP posts:
GAJLY · 21/09/2025 14:47

She didn't offer, she was asked!!! I've done it and learned my lesson. She'll be more mindful in future that drinking has consequences e.g. hangovers and getting kicked out of a friend's house!

Zodiacrobat · 21/09/2025 14:54

Everybodysinthehousetonight · 21/09/2025 12:42

I have a 17 year old and I do not believe this series of events including the host not allowing alcohol because her mum wasn't home.....

Several of the teens I know are very into health and well being, prefer the gym to the pub and see and speak about alcohol/weed being for the “losers” the ones who won’t go far in life.

So I can completely believe it, especially if they are sporty types. Times have moved on and that ladette 90s drinking culture is seen as “cringe” now by many teens.

ProfYaffle · 21/09/2025 14:54

Megifer · 21/09/2025 14:40

Are you sure you've not been fed a line here op?

"Someone's aunt got it for me.....friend insisted no alcohol out of respect" is exactly the sort of bollocks id have made up if I was at a friend's where alcohol was flowing, id had too much, and didn't want to grass friend up for having a boozy get together.

It wouldnt even occurred to me that my mum might actually ask the "aunt" 😬

Agree with this. I've been accused of being 'the aunt' in this situation. The teens in question nicked a bottle out of my Xmas booze stash and then told their Mum I'd bought it for them!

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Theroadt · 21/09/2025 15:00

It’s annoying the adult bought drinks for under-age kids but frankly I wouldn’t say anything as it is your daughter who has behaved badly and should be the focus of your ire. Well done to the host girl standing firm.

SatsumaDog · 21/09/2025 15:07

I wouldn’t say anything to the Auntie. It was your DD’s decision to get drunk. Kids surprise you sometimes. DS got drunk at a friend’s house (he’s also 17) and our reaction was that it was entirely his doing. The parents were there and did know alcohol was being consumed (although it had been bought by the kids), but the last thing I would do is to blame them. We’ve all been there. One drink turns into a few and before you know it you’re past the point of no return. Your DD does however owe her friend an apology.

FinchAddict · 21/09/2025 15:08

If everything is true, then I'd be way more annoyed that my daughter had gone against her friend's request for no alcohol. That just shows lack of respect for her friend.

Idontknownowwhat · 21/09/2025 15:10

As the mother of a 17 year old, she would be in trouble for this, but for different reasons than your daughter is in trouble with you!

My daughter is allowed alcohol- but there are rules surrounding it.

You don't put yourself in vulnerable situations.
No drinking in places like parks, don't drink around people you don't know/ trust.
Don't drink to the point you're physically vulnerable.
Don't accept alcohol from anyone you don't explicitly trust.

And don't drink without someone knowing you are.

She put herself in a really vulnerable situation and I would be furious at that.

BigFatBully · 21/09/2025 15:18

We all experimented with drink before reaching 18. She's 17, it's not as though she was 13. The only concern is doing it on a bench and not in the safety of the home. With all that's going on with grooming gangs etc, it would have put them in a vulnerable situation.

MyDeftHedgehog · 21/09/2025 15:21

I get why you are pissed off OP but I would let it go. If she was 12 the shit would correctly hit the fan but as she is 17 no harm was done

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 21/09/2025 15:24

I was doing this at 14, so I think you've got off lightly 😂.

ohyesido · 21/09/2025 15:29

It’s probably a bit naive to assume the woman offered and was not specifically asked…

Callalilly2016 · 21/09/2025 15:32

Whatever the truth of the evening’s events, you should have a conversation with your daughter about drinking responsibly and staying safe. She’s nearly an adult and could be at university soon. Instead of getting angry or upset you should treat her like an adult and talk to her to help her to make good decisions.

Blueblell · 21/09/2025 15:32

I can understand why you are annoyed but I would bet they asked the aunt and I am sure she didn’t offer to buy it unprompted. DD is 17 and has a hangover and has fallen out with her friends - she will learn from that! which is what she needs to do. My daughter is the same age and they will be able to buy alcahol in less than a year. They need to learn from experience how to drink wisely.

Haveaproperty · 21/09/2025 15:36

Times have definitely changed. Even the most well to do parents would buy their kids alcohol for parties from around 14 where I grew up. Which is a very affluent London suburb. By 17 we were buying it ourselves and going to pubs and clubs.
But appreciate times have changed.

I don't think the friends aunty forced the idea of a bottle of vodka on 2 x 17 year olds. Do you really think she spotted them, and out of the blue said "Hi, would you like me to buy you a bottle of vodka to drink on a bench??"

I think this is a total non issue. Two 17 year olds drank some vodka and went home to sleep it off. Not really a huge deal. Now at least, hopefully, she will find the small of vodka repulsive if she puked it up!

Growlybear83 · 21/09/2025 15:44

Darragon · 21/09/2025 12:34

YANBU OP. Really irresponsible of this adult, the cut off is 18 not 17 for a reason. 17 year olds don’t have the self control to regulate this sort of thing, thats exactly why the law is where it is. Grown adults should know better than to provide alcohol especially when the teens ended up drinking it outside where anything could have happened. Not even slightly the same as someone’s parents letting them have a glass of wine at Christmas!

But at 17 I’d been working full time for over a year, and was about to move into my own flat. I absolutely had the self control to regulate alcohol and drug consumption if I wanted to at that age. I would never have expected my parents to have got involved in a discussion with me about whether or not alcohol was permitted at a friend’s house!

The only time my parents would ever have got involved if I’d gone out and got pissed would have been to make me go into work on time the next day. They always took the view that if I was able to go out drinking then I was able to go into work the next morning no matter how bad I felt. They instilled a good work ethic in me, and I can’t imagine ever being allowed to stay home for a self induced hangover! 😆

ScrollingLeaves · 21/09/2025 15:44

I agree with you OP. What sort of adult person would go and buy vodka for her niece’s friends when they are too young for the shop to sell it to them? Only a thoughtless idiot. She the absent mum’s sister or sister-in-law I take it? What was she up to here? She was going against her niece too.

But I wouldn’t say anything to her now. As to your DD she is suffering the consequences so I would say no more. All teenagers do regrettable things.

BatsInSummer · 21/09/2025 15:45

incognitomouse · 21/09/2025 12:37

As others have said, she's 17, get over it!

17 year olds don’t have the self control to regulate this sort of thing, thats exactly why the law is where it is.

So a 17 year old can't regulate, but miraculously when they turn 18 they can? 😂

Edited

No, they still can't. Age for alcohol should be 21, closer to when the brain is fully developed and they have better impulse control. When neural pruning is so active, they are far more likely to risk take.
Whilst we might not be able to stop 17 year olds daytime drinking toxic shots, should an adult be actively encouraging it?
I don't disagree that this is pretty normal stuff for a 17 year old and the aunt didn't do anything majorly outrageous. However, being young and under the influence makes the likelihood of being a victim of all sorts of crimes, exponentially higher. The aunt surely would have felt terrible if anything had happened (it's not dramatic, awful things happen and they are under reported and under charged).

ScrollingLeaves · 21/09/2025 15:47

BigFatBully · 21/09/2025 15:18

We all experimented with drink before reaching 18. She's 17, it's not as though she was 13. The only concern is doing it on a bench and not in the safety of the home. With all that's going on with grooming gangs etc, it would have put them in a vulnerable situation.

And alcohol poisoning.

SerendipityJane · 21/09/2025 16:08

Megifer · 21/09/2025 14:41

Id get my arse out in Costa Coffee if this was actually true 😂😂

Show quote history

Casting doubts on OPs in thread used to be a serious offence in the days of yore on MN. I was banned for just thinking it once (well the faintest of whiffs, maybe).

However it seems that rule has gone, mores the shame. However, as a burnee of it, I try not to troll hunt in thread. That's what "report" is for.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2025 16:14

I have a 17 yo. This is like no party my dd has been to. Someone getting pissed and puking seems par for the course. My dd doesn’t like the taste of alcohol so she’s always helping friends out.

It isn’t safe to become intoxicated in a public place in this way. That would be my line in the sand. And that would what I’d be disappointed about. Not the random aunty if she exists.

Equally someone could have fake ID. So so many kids have one these days. And by fake ID, I mean more likely one belonging to a friend’s older sister than an illegally made one.

Shellyash · 21/09/2025 16:17

Sounds like you've only heard one side of the story.

Megifer · 21/09/2025 16:18

SerendipityJane · 21/09/2025 16:08

Casting doubts on OPs in thread used to be a serious offence in the days of yore on MN. I was banned for just thinking it once (well the faintest of whiffs, maybe).

However it seems that rule has gone, mores the shame. However, as a burnee of it, I try not to troll hunt in thread. That's what "report" is for.

Show quote history

Im not troll hunting.

Jujujudo · 21/09/2025 16:20

The one thing about this story that you should be happy about is that DD called you to come get her. Teens drink, we can’t control their choices anymore although we can let them know how we feel about them! The fact she called you means she trusts you and that is huge. So many teenagers do things behind our backs that are potentially dangerous, I’d be relieved that she called me when she needed me. Good for her, and you!

Jujujudo · 21/09/2025 16:21

Haveaproperty · 21/09/2025 15:36

Times have definitely changed. Even the most well to do parents would buy their kids alcohol for parties from around 14 where I grew up. Which is a very affluent London suburb. By 17 we were buying it ourselves and going to pubs and clubs.
But appreciate times have changed.

I don't think the friends aunty forced the idea of a bottle of vodka on 2 x 17 year olds. Do you really think she spotted them, and out of the blue said "Hi, would you like me to buy you a bottle of vodka to drink on a bench??"

I think this is a total non issue. Two 17 year olds drank some vodka and went home to sleep it off. Not really a huge deal. Now at least, hopefully, she will find the small of vodka repulsive if she puked it up!

Absolutely! We used to raid my parents’ drinks cabinet!! I remember that the only thing we never tried was a bright yellow creamy thing called something like Advocaart (I’m sure that’s the wrong name!) because it looked so disgusting..!

SerendipityJane · 21/09/2025 16:40

Megifer · 21/09/2025 16:18

Im not troll hunting.

Show quote history

Casting doubt on a posters veracity has always been classed as troll hunting.

If

Id get my arse out in Costa Coffee if this was actually true

isn't suggesting a PP (in fact the OP) is divorced from the actualite of a situation seems to be a manifestation of this.

MNetters used to be discouraged from troll hunting - it was best left to the experts.