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Original poster

Woman bought alcohol for my daughter - should I say something when I next see her?

147 replies

Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:21

Last night my dd17 went round to a friends house for a little get together (about 8-10 teens).

The friend who was hosting had asked that no one drink any alcohol as her mum was not going to be there and as they were all under age she felt it would be disrespectful to her mum. I was totally in agreement with this and assumed dd would be too. She is not really into alcohol, usually!

Anyhow, halfway through the evening my dd and two of the friends decided to pop to the local co-op to get some snacks for everyone. Whilst there they bumped into one of the friend's aunties, she offered to buy them a bottle of vodka and some buzzballz. DD and her two friends agreed (really annoyed with dd for agreeing to this). They sat on a bench and got drunk then walked back to the host friends house, when she saw they were drunk she was very angry (understandably) and told them they couldn't come back in.

DD called me and I came over and picked her up. I was so annoyed she was drunk as she had work today, she has had to call in sick as she now has a migraine and is throwing up.

I know teens will have fun with drink from time to time and I am not a killjoy, we have all been there (although personally I have not drunk alcohol for 20+ years) but I am disappointed with dd for making the decision to drink given the circumstances but I am more annoyed with this girl's auntie for purchasing it in the first place because without her input they would not have been able to buy any.

I don't know her personally but do see her in the local shop from time to time. I am in two minds that when I next see her I ask that she doesn't purchase alcohol for my under age dd again? I wouldn't have done it so I don't expect any other adult to do the same.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 21/09/2025 12:55

Let it go at 17, your DD will learn the hard way that hangovers on a workday are not good.
Also whatever your DD says happened I doubt the auntie randomly just offered to buy them alcohol, I would have said no if they had asked me so would be a bit annoyed with the auntie, but your DD is hardly blameless in this situation

Pricelessadvice · 21/09/2025 12:59

Good grief, we were drinking at friends houses and parties from the age of 14! My mum was actually extremely lenient (or trusted me far too much!). We would persuade anyone we could to go and get our ale and ciggies from the shop 😅

She’s 17 for crying out loud!

limescale · 21/09/2025 13:01

Whilst there they bumped into one of the friend's aunties, she offered to buy them a bottle of vodka and some buzzballz

Me: Oh hello teenagers, how are you?
17 year olds: we're at a party, just here to get some snacks
Me: Great, shall I buy you all a bottle of vodka?

Really?
And if it did happen then you DD should have said no.

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FuzzyWolf · 21/09/2025 13:03

I am amazed that you believe that this woman just offered to buy alcohol out of nowhere. Surely the most likely scenario is that she was asked to do so, most likely by her niece. Perhaps her niece is allowed to drink and the aunt bought it for her and whilst I’m sure she expected and predicted it would be shared, your DD made a sober decision to start drinking when she didn’t have to. Considering how ill she was, it sounds like she needs the education about drinking responsibly and sensibly as well.

I’d chalk this one up to experience and be hopeful that it means your DD will remember how awful she felt so the next time she considers getting very drunk she refrains from doing so.

At 17 your daughter can’t be far off looking to go to university and becoming an adult. I think she needs to be taking full responsibility for her actions.

Dozer · 21/09/2025 13:03

That was poor decision making and a shit way for DD and her friend to treat the host and the others there.

Wouldn’t do anything regarding the other adult: agree that her behaviour was odd and undesirable, but DD’s actions are up to DD.

Kelly1969 · 21/09/2025 13:03

Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:21

Last night my dd17 went round to a friends house for a little get together (about 8-10 teens).

The friend who was hosting had asked that no one drink any alcohol as her mum was not going to be there and as they were all under age she felt it would be disrespectful to her mum. I was totally in agreement with this and assumed dd would be too. She is not really into alcohol, usually!

Anyhow, halfway through the evening my dd and two of the friends decided to pop to the local co-op to get some snacks for everyone. Whilst there they bumped into one of the friend's aunties, she offered to buy them a bottle of vodka and some buzzballz. DD and her two friends agreed (really annoyed with dd for agreeing to this). They sat on a bench and got drunk then walked back to the host friends house, when she saw they were drunk she was very angry (understandably) and told them they couldn't come back in.

DD called me and I came over and picked her up. I was so annoyed she was drunk as she had work today, she has had to call in sick as she now has a migraine and is throwing up.

I know teens will have fun with drink from time to time and I am not a killjoy, we have all been there (although personally I have not drunk alcohol for 20+ years) but I am disappointed with dd for making the decision to drink given the circumstances but I am more annoyed with this girl's auntie for purchasing it in the first place because without her input they would not have been able to buy any.

I don't know her personally but do see her in the local shop from time to time. I am in two minds that when I next see her I ask that she doesn't purchase alcohol for my under age dd again? I wouldn't have done it so I don't expect any other adult to do the same.

Be annoyed with the woman who bought the alcohol and perhaps a little disappointed with DD.
DD wouldn’t want to be the killjoy saying No to the vodka in front of of friends, so I wouldn’t blame her

QPZM · 21/09/2025 13:04

Spicylittleorangecat · 21/09/2025 12:29

OK, maybe I am over-reacting and yes, I do place a lot of the blame on dd.

I just feel she went against all the others at the party, they were all happy not to drink at the mother's request. I am surprised and disappointed that dd and her friends made that decision. None of the other friends are talking to her and the other two now.

I suppose we are all different but I personally wouldn't purchase drink for dd's friends if I knew they were all under age (albeit by a year), I know how mad they can go with it given the chance.

OK, maybe I am over-reacting and yes, I do place a lot of the blame on dd.

You need to place ALL the blame on DD and her friends because if they hadn't have conveniently bumped into the aunt when they were looking for someone to buy them vodka (no doubt niece messaged her), then they would've hung around and asked someone else.

Wise up!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 21/09/2025 13:04

QPZM · 21/09/2025 12:25

Lol she did not offer I'm sure.

She will have been asked and agreed to the request.

Given your DD is 17 and no-one forced her into getting pissed on a work night, I wouldn't say anything to the aunt at all.

Yep, pretty common for teens to ask adults - even random strangers - to buy booze for them when they’re underage or haven’t managed to wangle a fake ID.

Less common for an adult woman to offer completely out of the blue to buy a bunch of young girls a bottle of vodka (unless she was very young herself and trying to score cool points 😂).

Either way, it’s on your DD. She wasn’t forced to drink and it’s a bit shitty if she’d agreed with her friend she wouldn’t. She won’t be doing it again in a hurry so I’d probably let it slide.

TeenLifeMum · 21/09/2025 13:04

I tonight you were going to say 14 yo, she’s 17! I have a 17yo and know parties will have alcohol so we chat about how to drink alcohol safely - not mixing drinks, quantities and when to stop. Thankfully dd1 is far more sensible than I was and makes good choices. They drink socially but not to get drunk. Some of them will drink in excess and dd avoids them “because they are annoying”. Drinking alcohol in a home at age 17 isn’t illegal.

Haithamgaza · 21/09/2025 13:08

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Animatic · 21/09/2025 13:09

not sure why I find the whole story odd and unrealistic. Who gets a bottle of vodka as a drink of choice from a random aunty (who very conveniently happened to be in the shop) , then gets drunk on the bench. Ask your daughter what did really happen?

QPZM · 21/09/2025 13:12

Animatic · 21/09/2025 13:09

not sure why I find the whole story odd and unrealistic. Who gets a bottle of vodka as a drink of choice from a random aunty (who very conveniently happened to be in the shop) , then gets drunk on the bench. Ask your daughter what did really happen?

And offered to buy it for them 😁

"Oh hi girls, you're all looking nice this evening. Oh by the way, fancy a bottle of vodka and some Buzzballz?"

usedtobeaylis · 21/09/2025 13:14

Normal teenage stuff. My auntie was buying us all vodka when we were 15, probably not ideal but just part of how it was then. She never randomly offered though I have to say 😆

She deviated from what was agreed between her and her friends and at 17 that's for them to sort out. None of this really has anything to do with you.

Toesy · 21/09/2025 13:14

I actually would be so disappointed with her disrespect of her friend and her friends home.
Good on her friend for refusing to tolerate her drunkenly turning up at her home.
She has really really let herself down.

Yes the woman shouldn't have bought the alcohol, but your daughters disrespect of her friend and her boundary regarding her home, is the real issue.
I would be mortified and your daughter should be too.
She has really let herself, and her friend down.
She needs a big wake up call about respect for others.

Mildmanneredmum · 21/09/2025 13:14

Animatic · 21/09/2025 13:09

not sure why I find the whole story odd and unrealistic. Who gets a bottle of vodka as a drink of choice from a random aunty (who very conveniently happened to be in the shop) , then gets drunk on the bench. Ask your daughter what did really happen?

I absolutely agree.

pizzaHeart · 21/09/2025 13:15

None of the others friends talking to her now is the best lesson possible.
I wouldn’t let her forget about it very soon 😉

Cherrytree86 · 21/09/2025 13:18

Could you find out the address of where this auntie lives and go and speak to her, Op? Your poor daughter

ginasevern · 21/09/2025 13:22

I very, very much doubt that the aunty "offered". I expect her niece persuaded her and that's even if this whole "aunty" story is true. Your DD is 17 and not far short of buying it herself. The chances of the aunty buying her alcohol again are almost zero, so you'll make a fool of yourself by confronting her. Besides, I expect aunty has a different story or knows nothing about it. Meanwhile, your DD has learnt a good life lesson.

Rorys · 21/09/2025 13:25

i do agree there might be more to the story
are you sure someone else didn’t buy the alcohol? Like an older boy?
maybe teenagers are very very different now, but this wouldn’t have been something allll her friends would stop speaking to her about in my day.

WhimsicalWinnie · 21/09/2025 13:26

I think I'd say something if I knew her not to be likely to get gobby or unpleasant.

You've already acknowledged your dd should not have done that, but offering to buy underage kids booze is so weird. I remember people like this when I was a teenager and a lot of them were a bit creepy and desperate to be one of the kids. Just gives a weird vibe.

Agreeing to it if asked is still a bit off but not weird.

Could it be that your dd embellished the "she offered" bit?

Mochudubh · 21/09/2025 13:29

Hmm! I'm surprised the shop sold the "auntie" alcohol if she'd been seen talking to teenagers in what is presumably a small local co-op. It would have been pretty obvious that she may have been buying for them and staff would be well aware that they could be held personally liable and lose their jobs or even prosecuted. Probably also captured on CCTV, which staff would also be aware of.

I suspect pre-meditation on the DD and friends' part, probably arranged to meet "Auntie" or whoever in the park to pick up booze procured earlier.

xanthic · 21/09/2025 13:32

I think the auntie is hugely irresponsible.

I wouldn't buy alcohol for my own niece, let alone her friends. I'm always very careful to make sure I'm not doing something that constitutes "a parenting decision".

The question I have - which you may not know the answer to - is whether DD seized the opportunity to get her hands on some booze and get drunk, or whether she succumbed to peer pressure?

Both scenarios are problems, but for different reasons.

I'd be really worried about a young girl leaving home imminently if she doesn't feel able to say no to other people.

QPZM · 21/09/2025 13:32

Cherrytree86 · 21/09/2025 13:18

Could you find out the address of where this auntie lives and go and speak to her, Op? Your poor daughter

Your poor daughter

I can't tell if you're serious or being sarcastic? 🤣🤣🤣

DramaLlamacchiato · 21/09/2025 13:33

Crinkle77 · 21/09/2025 12:28

The aunty was foolish to buy inexperienced drinkers vodka and I personally wouldn't buy alcohol for other people's kids without the knowledge of the parents. However they are 17 so probably not far off the legal ge to buy alcohol. And its not illegal to drink alcohol under 18 in the home but they should have respected the wishes of the friend whose home they were in.

This

SirHumphreyRocks · 21/09/2025 13:34

Crinkle77 · 21/09/2025 12:28

The aunty was foolish to buy inexperienced drinkers vodka and I personally wouldn't buy alcohol for other people's kids without the knowledge of the parents. However they are 17 so probably not far off the legal ge to buy alcohol. And its not illegal to drink alcohol under 18 in the home but they should have respected the wishes of the friend whose home they were in.

I suspect that they are not as inexperienced as the OP thinks, and I also suspect she bought what she was asked to buy (not offered to buy, asked to buy). The fact that they drank it on a bench and before returning suggests that they knew exactly what they were doing and planned it.

That said, almost every teenager has had a stupid brush with alcohol. Hopefully it has taught her something. My sister is 57, and still can't bear to even smell anything remotely anise without throwing up. It was a great party she went to at 17, and that bottle of pernod she and her mate drank was probably a good idea at the time!