How to ask without offending

[bepositive247]

There is a group of friends and one of them is celebrating a special birthday.

The rest of our group have planned to take her to a theatre show in London and for a meal. She doesn’t know about a night out we have planned. We have decided that we will all pay for her, so we are paying for our own tickets and meal and have agreed to split her share of the theatre ticket and meal bill between us. That will be her birthday gift from us.

I have known her the longest and have ended up organising and booking. I was asked to provide my account details for everyone to transfer, but one of the girls hasn’t paid me or even mentioned anything about it and I don’t know how to bring this up.

I don’t want to bring this up with the other girls in the group as I don’t want to her to think I’m talking about her and if it was £50 I would let it go (even though that’s still a lot of money) but it’s over a £100 and I’ve already paid that as part of my share

I was hoping to get some advice on this and how to ask without coming across as rude

Are you still planning of coming to the birthday, you need to pay by x, here’s my bank details

if no money is sent do not buy their ticket if they rock up tough shit they’d have to sit outside.

if they turn up for food - before ordering say Betty as you didn’t send your share well ask for your bill to be separate

@bepositive247 Perfect message OP, well done. I also don't like having to chase people for money, but I just remind myself that it's not rude - at all - to ask for what you're owed. On the rare occasions I've had to chase, the friend concerned had simply forgotten to pay, was embarrassed and paid immediately. Hope this is the case with your friend! 😊

She has probably just forgotten. Just message her to remind her she hasn’t paid.

Your message is perfect OP.
she may well believe she’s done it already. I thought I’d sent my nephew some birthday money once from a new account using a new app. It wasn’t until days later when checking my account I realised it hadn’t actually gone through. I’d missed that I’d had to scroll down and click confirm again!

OP: if she doesn’t now pay immediate be direct.
”could you please transfer the money asap as I had to put the tickets on my credit card and I need to pay the bill this week. Thank you! Xxx”

I'm obviously the only one but I think that's an awful message, you know she hasn't sent it, she knows she hasn't sent it so the 'I can't seem to see it on my account' just seems weirdly passive aggressive.
It would have been much better to just ask her outright.

Good message. Hopefully she'll pay today.

You’re not the only one, my first thought was why pretend? You know it’s not been sent!

Nobody is going to be offended by a general reminder. They'll know at least one person hasn't paid and should simply be irritated on your behalf that you're having to chase

You literally message her separately and say

“Hi X, I was just wondering if you’d be able to transfer the money over for our upcoming trip. Thanks very much!”

Get her fave B list celeb to ask her via Cameo

Tricky one this .... mmmm lets think ....got it, text her and remind her she owes you her share !!

Why are you afraid of offending her? She's offended you by making you chase her!

Next message could read 'really need this now please' and you wouldn't be offensive.

Too late this time, but if you do this again in future, don’t make any bookings until you have all the money. If someone is late paying and parts of the events are sold out, that’s on them and it’s back to the drawing board.

Ugh! Just getting used to the OP messages being a too bright light blue and now I see mine is salmon!🤑

Just ask. It’s not exactly offensive to ask someone for money they’ve agreed to pay.

She has probably just been busy. Why would she be offended if you ask?

Thanks OP you reminded me I owed someone some money! It was only £7 but even so.

you message is fine it’s not passive aggressive it’s just beating around the bush
In situations like this I just send the exact original message again as if it’s the first time you have sent it. Then a few days later a reminder “just chasing up payment for the birthday trip”
Then “hello Audrey, I still haven’t got any money for xxxx- is everything ok? Beryl x

I think factual and direct is the way to go.

@bepositive247 You shouldn't be embarrassed to ask! A normal person would be embarrassed they forgot. I would probably have put in a message that "I can see that everyone has paid except you, would you mind doing the transfer please?" In order for her to know that everyone has paid but her - this is if you suspect a CF not if she's normally reliable..

Just message her politely and ask for the money on or before a set date , she may of forgot or she may be trying it on who knows . Write the message enclose bank deets again and click send straight away before you overthink it . £5 or £200 she owes you money end of

I generally say “sorry but I can’t see your payment. If I’ve just missed it please let me know the date and manner of payment (small business) but if it’s slipped your mind my details are….”

Just ask. It was all agreed and you’re out of pocket. Just speak up and ask for the money.

No one will be offended. They’ll know they’ve paid but will read between the lines and realise others haven’t. It’s absolutely fine.

Generic message to all first. Then message just to her the next day if she still hasn’t paid.

Definitely give her a reminder.

Please don’t do the passive aggressive thing (group message when all are paid up or ‘sorry if I missed it’) - just message her directly and say Hi, hope you’re well. Could you please send the girls trip money over. My details are: XXXX. Looking forward to seeing you then 🙂 x (works without the emoji too, if that’s not your thing).